Courduroy comes from the French, meaning "cloth of the King"...
This is a rather funny piece of information...who wasn't forced to wear some obnoxious bell bottomed version of courduroy pants by their parents back in the '70's??? Yeah...I was too...and if ya know her personally she probably has some really ugly ass pictures of me dressed up in them somewhere in her volumes of photo albums that I can't wait to inherit...just kiddin' Ma...keep them as long as you want them...I'm in NO rush to relive those godawful Saturday Night Fever Fashion Faux Paus things you used to dress us up in...if courduroy is such a regal material from which to sew together strips of cloth for external appearance enhancing qualities...why does it make fat people sound like a cricket with a club foot trying to determine the current temperature during warm weather conditions??? The only advantage courduroy ever provided was a reasonable excuse for covering the sound of an anally lifted air biscuit...I don't know why Kings would want to claim it...it's NOT like it was a quiet material suitable for sneaking around the castle at night looking for some nookie...I mean a cookie...I don't know why the shit still exists...it's a loud obnoxious material that extremely overweight individuals seem to insist on wearing when all their spandex applications are dirty...ya ever thought you heard a hundred hivves of bees fly by...all in a sudden blinding dash of khaki colored light...that was a fat man flyin for the shitter...ya wanna know where I intend to use courduroy next??? Thought ya might so here is my grand plan...I'm going to have the interior lining of my casket sewn in courduroy...thats right...for practical joke purposes right up to the end...I'll incorporate subtle hydraulic systems with motion detecting equipment...which hopefully I will live to see advance beyond visibly detected laser beams...all that in conjunction with personalized audio recordings and a specific schedule for order of appearance at the side of the casket...should allow for some rather engaging episodes of eruptive laughter...when certain people approach...a simple shit of the casket should produce the slightest sound of alleviating any residual methane gas stored in the rectal cavity...an audio clip placing blame on the unsuspecting...teary-eyed visitor might serve to lighten the mood a little...because one things for sure...those familiar with some of my life's activities can't say that it was a dull adventure...there'll be a video montage of greatest moments...clearing out the room that housed The Hope Diamond at the Smithsonian...episodes of emergency evacuation along some interstate on the eastern seaboard...gall bladder removal related adventures out into public settings that damn near ended in terms often associated with Natural Disasters...enjoyable moments of meditation under the influence of medicine during relative testing and surgical procedures...funny stories surrounding midnight encounters with bored State Police officers who were so astonished at my incredible wit and sense of humor that they let me go with a warning when they could have locked me up and impounded my car...I really wasn't going that fast...considering the hour and absence of influential traffic...triple digit odometer readings aren't necessarily excessive...or are they??? Anyway...as I was saying...courduroy encased casketry could be a new line of work for me...hey if anyone can sell the idea...I can...just think of the endearing qualities of courduroy as a casketable interior application...less susceptible to corpse slippage than satin...keeps the noise of thumps and bumps created by transporting the deceased to their final resting place to a barely audible experience for all the affected...courduroy is also more resistant to worm feeding methods and should serve to protect the integrity of an old bag of flesh and bones for at least 3 more months than traditional satin or simple cloth sheeting...and let's NOT forget it's Empirical aesthetic appeal...who wouldn't want to be buried like a King even if they lived like a pauper...this could be the rebirthing idea of the century...Kevin's Colorful Cost Efficient Courduroy Caskets...available in an assortment of nasty ass shades...Pea Soup Green...Perfectly Plum Purple... Baby Shit Shades of Squash and Cranberries...oh the possibilities are endless...all I need is some financial backing for some of these ideas and I'd be a Copyright millionaire in a coupla millenia...cuz by then I'm sure somebody somewhere will have tried them...or better yet...I'll open an online shop that specializes in custom color matching courduroy suits and colostomy bags...that way everybody will think that smell you're toting around in your shit sack is coming from those lovely sounds of anal alleviation you create while walking...Anybody who wants to get in on the ground floor of these vividly imaginative...forward thinking...futuristic concepts can send cash or money order contributions to me personally thru Google Checkout or Paypal Services!!!
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