Yeah...well you're forgettin' one thing there...OH pilot of the poop chute...asshole replacement surgery hasn't been approved yet...that's why some people require colostomy bags...like you for instance...since it seems to have escaped your logical thought processor...that anything capable of passing gas on a consistent and constant gas...would undoubtedly exhaust all such pockets of methane mutation in less than an hour...ending up like a deflated balloon tryin to float down the hallway...you're also dismissing the simple fact that gas passing is an art form...and comes in a wide range of available sizes, sounds, smells and unfortunately at the most inopportune times...my family members have got to be the only non-Mexican immigrants capable of clearing a small tropical rain forest in a single afternoon...buncha bubble-gutted...gas-passin'...ass-fans we are...(I know you think I'm kiddin'...I'll have video footage here in a few weeks...I've taken enough blame for their foul smellin'...after dinner...anal drippings...good lord...the cacophony of caca calls is embarrassing to say the least...and they have NO penchant for protecting the unsuspecting public...they'll just let that silent steamer roll up from the netherlands...destroying nostril hair and eyebrows along it's way...you'd swear some of them sharted along the way...every time they pass by you get a faint whiff of what wasn't on your dinner plate...half the time you can't even keep your food down...it's like raw sushi and sewage...and you can always tell when they're gonna let it flow...they get that look on their face...like...hmm...wonder if anyone will notice this...(RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP)...and then before ya know it...somebody breaks into a version of their own version of a Josh Turner tune..."There's a long brown stain...runnin' down your thigh...don't look now...I think I'm gonna die!"...we may NOT be able to replicate the energy of an atomic bomb over the course of Memorial Weekend...but I'll bet we could sure scare the hell out of a few Kamikaze's...it's kinda crazy when ya think about it...somebody actually took enough scientific measurements of humans passing gas and formulated a theory on how long it would take to reproduce atomic bomb level energy...and 6 years and 9 months is what they came up with...pretty f**kin' happy this dipshit wasn't in charge of the Department of Defense...we'd all be speakin' Samurai right about now...and suckin' down Sake'...you know what else you can do in 6 years and 9 months...NOTHING...haven't you paid attention...it takes us 10 years to complete a 6 week project...I mean seriously...who needs a bomb when you can't find the damn target...take 13 years and build 2 bombs...maybe we'll have a use for them by then...if you passed gas constantly for more than a day...you'd look like a sundried raisin...wrinkled up and lifeless...your brain would dry up and shitty ideas would tumble from your ass like dominoes...and seriously...what kind of idiot leaves a problem like this unresolved...every math teacher I've ever had would shoot themselves dead if I didn't simplify this equation to it's barest form...it would seem that if it took one person 6 years and 9 months of continuous anal flapping to achieve nuclear fusion like energy...that it would take 2 people 3 years and 4.5 months to accomplish the same feat...if we continue to duplicate this procedure we find that 4 people can achieve this feat in...ANYBODY...NO...okay...4 people = a time frame of 1 year, 8.25 months...which means 8 people can do it in...10.125 months...16 people = 5.0625 months...32 people = 2.53125 months...64 people = 1.265 months...128 people = roughly 18 days...256 people = 9 days...512 ass flappers = 4.5 days...and so and so on...basically what it boils down to is this if ya had a few thousand people standin' around passin' gas for a minute...you probably wouldn't need a match...keep in mind...that this equation only applies to natural born citizens...illegal aliens from south of the Texas border...use a different scale...and drastically tilt the numbers in a more favorable...human to atomic fart ratio...depending on what type of burro meat was in the tamales that day...you might only need juan of these siesta takin' sombrero sportin'...burrito beaters...the fact of the matter is...comparisons such as these are often misguided bits of misinformation...if this IDIOT had spent half as much time stayin awake in class...as he obviously did measuring the flatulence of his frat brothers on drunken nights when the nerds had nothing else to do...we wouldn't be having this discussion right now...and this brings me to the main point of this entry...PARENTS...I CANNOT stress to you enough...if your KID is a solid 'C' student in highschool...DON'T spend your life savings on further education procedures...it is far less expensive and significantly easier to train them to retrieve grocery carts and bag cabbage...MONEY doesn't ALWAYS equal INTELLECT...you can't fix STUPID with a personal CHECK...otherwise little Charlie wouldn't be sittin over there in the corner chewin' on a piece of raw cowhide...droolin all over his shoes...you CREATED it...you CONTAIN it...and please...KEEP them from spillin' their seed...it's apparently contaminating the sewers...and infecting homeless prostitutes...because the problem seems to be escalating...I mean...why have a Silly Season...if ya can't shoot DIPSHITS!!!
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