...and in 3...2...1...WE'RE BACK...fresh off a fantastic game down at Comerica Park between the Yankees and Tigers...which even tho the 40,000+ faithful tried to secure a victory for the home team by paying off the umpiring crew...the Yankees eventually won...and I will admit here...as I did on my Facebook page...that I suffered a momentary episode of hypocrisy by attending aforementioned event dressed in a Tigers T-shirt while wholeheartedly cheering for my Yankees...hey I like both teams...but I like the Yankees more...it's like being married and having a girlfriend...you live with one...but ya spend what time ya can with the other when she is in town...now I know what you guys are thinkin'...what the hell does this hafta do with the tidbit??? Here we are 8 lines into this damn thing and he hasn't even mentioned a word about the tidbit...I did too...actually I said all that needed to be said in the title...and yes...ANCIENTRY is a made up word...I wouldn't call it a Dubya-ism so to speak...because in order for it to fall under that classification he'd hafta be able to pronunicifimicate it first...but seriously...if they haven't figured out what the hell is killing off our CENTURIONS...I'll bet I have a sneakin' suspicion...it might hafta do with the fact that their remaining body parts are failing at levels not seen since the OBAMA administration...NOT that old Fucktard Fred...that's gonna be my nickname for that shit stick ROMNEY if he buys the next administration...is gonna be any better but you get the picture...hell ya know what keeps people alive past the age of 100...avoiding hospitals and idiots with degrees they bought with their last bag of dog food...people that live past the age of 100 will all say the same thing to you..."Where am I?"...they haven't a clue they're still sucking up much needed oxygen and occupying valuable space...ya ever tried to have a conversation with someone past the age of 100...what the hell wouldja talk about...their childhood spent crawling from the cave...ya have nothin' in common...I can't believe these medical mental midgets of millennial mortals hasn't determined that natural causes...or functional failure of certain life providing features are the leading cause of death among people so old their skin looks like it's been stretched over a drum...ya know I'm not one to promote premature death...well yeah...actually I am...in rare cases...well in most cases...especially when it involves some magnificent moron from the halls of heresy found in the medical profession...but really...show of hands...who wants to live to be a 100 year old bib wearin'...denture dippin'...depends destroyin'...droolie...I sure as hell don't...lemme die some horrible death in some twisted Ancient Alien meets Sasquatch/UFO Hunters Paranormal Investigation gone seriously wrong...anything but making me live to be 100...unless of course immortality has been realized by then and 100 becomes the new terrible twos...in which case...TOGA...TOGA...TOGA...I'm all in...bed sheets and bed pans for everyone...we'll have Geritol/Viagra parties everyday and see who can stay standing without help for 4 hours...it'll be a blast...just think about it...hell by the time they're rollin' your dusty...flesh fallin' off your face..1000 year old...half mummified ass up and down the hallways of the local nursing home...sexy young nurses will be around 300...I'd say that's as sexually appealing as a condom full of box jellyfish and a 400 lb spandex wearin' Wal-martian woman...there may not be a leading cause of death established for feeble minded foot soldiers of...my-minds-so-far-away...but there is a leading cause of STUPIDITY...and it comes from reading NONSENSE in SCHOOL books...instead of thinking things through with enough logic to make a lemur look ludicrous...(and for those of you saying..."don't lemurs already look kinda ludicrous?")...that's the point...it wouldn't take much...but far too often it is the BOOK smart individual that is STREET stupid...they have very little hope of being successful members of society...they tend to be reclusive...collecting ignorant thoughts while attempting to dislodge their colostomy bags from their cranial cavities...people over 100 die because eventually...they don't WAKE UP anymore...it's a simple process dumbass...LIFE is a steady race from BIRTH to DEATH...there are no turn-arounds...ya live to be over 100...eventually you will take a nap and...BYE BYE BERTA...I suppose I might have a different outlook on the whole...hit the Century mark cult fantasy...if you could assure me I would be vital...lucid...with momentary episodes of instantaneous memory loss...just so I wouldn't hafta answer questions from dipshit employees of the old folks home I get left in...who somehow just happened to find themselves lucky enough to run across some of my earlier writings know around the internet as WWKS...I can just pick my ass through my diaper and fling shit like a monkey...scowl and make them go away...I pity those of you that have an angry old bastard like me for a client when that time comes...I'm not sayin' ya need to go out and kick the bucket today...all I'm sayin' is don't stick around so long ya drain the life outta others...ya know...I hafta point out another lesson lost from the animal kingdom...when we have animals or pets that are too old to enjoy quality of life...we have them...'put down'...but we keep our parents around so long they look like 'EDDIE'...from the Iron Maiden album covers...hideous beasts...scarin' the bejesus outta their own grandchildren...it's NO wonder half the kids these days grow up with fears and complexes...people that live past 100 don't scare me...it's those that are still drivin' that make my ass wanna pucker up and shit diamonds...have a great Monday!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment