Sunday, January 6, 2013

INDUSRIAL INSECT ISSUES!!!

A mosquito has 47 teeth...

IDK about you folks...but I for one am simply ecstatic to have discovered this completely USEFUL information...and in such a timely fashion as well...why just this afternoon I was giving serious consideration to becoming an Industrial Insect Orthodontist...damn glad I didn't go wasting all my money on that endeavor...piss on that...who wants to waste countless hours trying to configure oral devices for dumbass blood sucking metal mouth mosquitoes anyway???  Good damn thing I have time to change my course of study...I can't imagine having a room full of patients that are just going to try my PATIENCE...maybe I'll divert and become a political proctologist...less time consuming work removing over sized craniums from the caca cavity...or maybe I should invest my time in studying the fine art of combing fly follicles...hairstyles for the honey bees and other flying dung eating dipshit insects..I would concentrate all of my studies on curing STUPIDITY...but considering the fact that more people suffer from IGNORANCE than from CANCER...I doubt I would be anymore successful than those morons over in the medical community at concocting a cure that didn't involve a well sealed coffin...I'm completely baffled by what compelled this colossal colostomy bag connoisseur to come up with the idea of placing this on the internet...I think these people should have to verify their identity and place it next to their postings...that way we could target them in the real world for immediate removal...I can't think of one single person or career field that requires this type of knowledge to be capable of being a functioning member of society...it therefore must have fallen from the lips of one of those people in the education sector...who like to try to appear smarter than their colleagues...I mean seriously...what possible benefit can be gleaned from this information???  That's right...NONE...since mosquitoes do NOT chew on Human flesh...they imbed their needle like beaks and drink from the blood...and here's a neat little trick you can try..that the scientific community probably hasn't invested money in researching...the next time a mosquito lands on your body and begins to take a sip of the sweet nectar in your veins...avoid knocking your eyeballs from their sockets...(MOM...unfortunately this applies to you)...do NOT swat the insect...let it get into the feast...and then simply tense the muscles in the affected area...keep them flexed until the very end... (But Kevin...how will we know when the end has arrived???)  You will know when that time comes because the tiny insect sucking on your blood will begin to bloat uncontrollably right before your very eyes...before culminating in a spontaneous combustion that sprays your blood and insect body parts all over your arm...leg...neck or what have you...when you tense the muscles of the affected area the beak of the mosquito becomes trapped in the flesh and forces the continued flow of blood from your body through their needle nose until you either relax or they explode...and here's the funny part...I skipped a science class to get high with some friends while living in Hawai'i when I discovered that little torture technique...NO microscope or reading of STUPID subject matter was necessary in this experiment...pure accident and happenstance provided me with results that didn't cost a dime in research money...I'll tell ya...and for all of you people who enjoy and appreciate the great outdoors yet have an adversity to insects of the mosquito variety...STOP using those man made products to repel flying blood sucking insects...they make you smell like unwashed elephant ass...PAY ATTENTION to nature...the habitat for a mosquito is the same all over the planet...they are attracted to swampy areas and stagnant water supplies...marshy moist soil solutions...avoid those places and you will avoid mosquitoes...if NOTHING else light yourself on fire...they absolutely detest the abundance of heat and smell of burning flesh!!!

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