GRAND THEFT AUTO!!!

Poland is the "stolen car capitol of the world"...

...has this idiot ever been to Poland...because I have and the one thing you need an abundance of to become the stolen car capitol of the world is...CARS...something Poland is drastically lacking...they have NO use for them...people in Poland walk...ride bikes...take the bus...or ride the ever present slowest moving train on Earth...(seriously you can walk faster than the train travels)...what few cars they do have there are shrouded in mysterious misnomers...like 'limousine'...which loosely translates into...1950's era Mercedes Benz sedan with brake problems...or they are of the size of Hot Wheels and Matchbox models...their streets are so narrow and their vehicles so small that in the current era half of all sidewalks double as parking spaces...going to Poland is like taking a huge leap back in time...NOTTA a single thing besides McDonalds is open before 10am...and NOTHING besides McDonalds and bars are open after 6pm...literally...you can be standing at the checkout with half of your supplies rung up and bagged and the very second the clock strikes 6pm...they will shoo you out the door WITHOUT the rest of what you had lying on the checkout belt...they do NOT piss around and wait to ensure the customer has been satisfied...quite the culture shock when you come from the land of...customers come first...they do this because they are more family oriented than we are here...they eat their dinner meals together daily at all costs...having to walk...ride a bike...take a bus or train home to get there on time requires adhering to a regimented schedule...and they ride their bikes EVERYWHERE...into stores...into McDonalds...and there is NO such thing as public intoxication laws on the books...or at least NONE the police are willing to enforce...it is NOT uncommon to see citizens walking the streets...boarding buses or trains...or riding bikes with a full Budweiser in hand...from the minute the sun rises until someone passes out...and with their ignorance at the bartering table I find it very difficult to believe that ANYONE needs to steal ANYTHING...hell I went to the currency exchange when we got there and slid a U.S. $100.00 bill under the window and that poor lady handed me so many stacks of Polish currency...I felt like the bastard child of Bill Gates and Oprah Winfrey...of course that was before Poland converted to the Euro...I paid 3 zolte's (roughly less than a $1.00) for a souvenir chessboard for my son...a magnificent gift that in America would have been accompanied with a price tag somewhere in the range of $80.00...and I bartered to get that price since it was originally offered at 10 zolte's...had I the need for a blow up buggy (polish sports car)...I'm fairly certain I coulda walked away from the bargaining table for less than $50.00 American money...hell over 90% of the population doesn't even know how to drive...let alone steal anything...and when you see how their..."the war ain't over yet" Police force is decked out and patrolling the streets on foot...you get the distinct feeling that they still view the outside world as potential threats...I couldn't even take a picture at the airport in Warsaw...an airport mind you that had maybe a whole whopping three terminals...a couple hundred passengers and at least three dozen pairs of heavily armed police/soldiers...I was fortunate enough to imbibe some of their spirited beverages whilst I was there...and lemme tell you...it is an alcoholics paradise of potent potables over in historic old Poland...the alcohol content for light beer (drinks for women I soon learned) is an outstanding 7.3%...regular beer comes in at just over 9% and the stronger beers hit the charts at over 11% alcohol content...compare that to America's watered down versions and we look like a buncha sissy sippers...word to the wise...if you are ever over there and happen to be offered homemade Nalefka...RUN while you still can...that shit could strip layers of steel from an I-beam...it is the most toxic substance I have ever ingested and it will definitely prevent you from being able to drive let alone walk...stolen car capitol of the world indeed...these are the same ethnic people we poke fun at for being slightly slower at the intelligence level than the rest of the people on the planet...and here's the final piece of proof that Polish people do NOT steal vehicles successfully...the entire week I was there...traveling from one end of the country to the other on the world's slowest moving mode of transportation...the one thing I noticed that I'm sure the rest of my family members did not...is that there are NO garages...not on the personal or commercial level...the majority of these people live in the metropolitan areas where NOTHING but apartment buildings are present...they have no room to build a garage or carport...they all park on the street...so where exactly is Poland's underground auto thief supposed to HIDE their newly acquired automobiles??? That's right folks...in plain sight...the ONLY place the police in Poland won't look...a force of heavily armed men and women who patrol the streets in pairs like they're still looking for Hitler's hideout...hell the country is so poor that many of the buildings from WWII are still standing...intact or as shells of their former selves...complete with painted over bullet holes in the walls and ceiling from when the Nazi's occupied the place...so you tell me...how likely is it that Polish people are the Grand Poobah of the International Auto Theft Pantheon???