ASTRO-CLIMATOLOGY 101

Winds on Saturn can reach speeds of 1,100 miles per hour...

That is interesting in so many ways I don't even know where to begin to start...I have so many ideas floating through my head it's gonna be one of those shootin' fish in a f**kin' barrel kinda days...so bear with me...funny how wind speeds on Saturn can reach 1100mph and yet all the ancient civilizations considered Mercury to be the fleet footed messenger of the gods...somebody missed an astronomy class...Saturn was a god of agriculture... liberation...and time...Father Time in other words...with little concern for speed...since he could adjust time to meet his needs...fast...slow...or at a standstill...that little morsel of interplanetary nomenclature for planets would therefore entice logical thinkers to postulate that perhaps the wind speeds are not actually in the 1100mph range but appear so due to the hastening of time ancient civilizations thought that planet was capable of...more than likely due to its elongated orbital flight path around the Solar system...unlike several of its astral neighbors that had a more concise and easier to document rising and setting during the seasonal changes here on Earth...NEXT...lemme point out what should be obvious to everyone with an IQ above the 2 digit middle identifier of the SSN...climatologists on this planet...Earth...the one we live on and are most familiar with...have a long lopsided history of F**KIN' up the weather report on a daily basis...and they have billion dollar instruments and equipment at their disposal...what does that tell us???  If they CANNOT accurately predict the weather here...how in the name of Uranus can you believe anything they have to say about wind speeds on Saturn...last I knew Voyager simply made an orbital pass...I do NOT recall it launching a spear shaped wind sock holding device into the soil of Saturn...the dumbest part of this equation is the definition of planetary wind...as in wind on every other planet but Earth...it is described as the outgassing of chemical elements from the atmosphere of said planet into outer space...outgassing...I like that...stellar flatulence in other words...the expelling of gases from the atmosphere to outer space...how the hell do you measure that through a telescope from trillions of miles away...especially when you can't even tell me what the hell is going on in the funnel cloud of a tornado with an accuracy...NEXT...the author assumes that Saturians operate much like Americans by thumbing their noses at the metric system which has been adopted by every other civilization on planet Earth...and more than likely the entire galaxy...what a shining example of how to be so full of yourself your head swells...I mean with wind speeds of that magnitude why NOT beef them up a bit by saying they reach staggering heights of 1770.278 kph...it's much more universally awe inspiring...NEXT...recent scientific shenanigans have made it possible for some in the less than accurate with information community hypothesize that the speed of light is NOT a known constant...since we base all other forms of speed off of this information...who truly knows what how fast planets pass gas into the vast reaches of outer space...these people are a step above Bigfoot Hunters but ONLY because they wasted enough money to get a degree in...IDKSHITOLOGY...they couldn't find their asses if they had maps to it printed on the palms of their hands...yet they can confidently proclaim wind speeds of other planets...don't get me wrong...there is a place for science within society...it is an educational format for discovery...but the bullshit meter for theories muddies the water of factual findings...to put it simply...if you can't show me a hang glider screaming blue mercy while soaring through the skies of Saturn strapped to a sheet being tossed around at 1100 mph...save your trumped up theories for the Weather Channel...I don't watch that shit...and NEVER will so long as I have the ability to cognitively recognize the view from my front window...moral of this story...there are idiots among us...and will continue to be until such a time as we collectively implement my selective gene pool screening certification system...people without proof for their theories are the biggest pollutants on this planet...and don't try to flip that around on me...I do NOT prove my theories because they more often than not incorporate logical thinking parameters that keep me from looking too damn mentally challenged to mount a thought worth mentioning!