THE HANGOVER 2.5

In Rome, after a rousing toga party, the cure for hangovers was a breakfast of sheep lungs and two owl eggs...

...mmm...mmm...mmm...the things you don't see in the Jimmy Dean frozen food section for breakfast items...Idk where this information came from...probably the same little ree ree that brought us the news of curing intoxication by rubbing lemon juice in your armpit...I have no doubt this worked as a cure of some sorts for the horrendous hangover some of them faced...my question is who cleaned up the mess???  You getta buncha drunk Romans and Praetorians stumblin' around after a night of wearing bedsheets and little leaves around your head...a breakfast of sheep lungs and owl eggs is sure to cause projectile puking championships of some sort...trophies for distance...longevity...color... texture...hell you could even give one for multiplicity...the one who pukes the most wins...what's the cure for indigestion after ya eat a big bowl of steamin' sheep lungs and owl eggs???  I'm kinda thinkin' this doesn't work as well as advertised since Irish people appear to be some of the heartiest drinkers on the planet...and they gobble compacted sheep intestines known as Haggis and they still look rough after a hard night of stickin their heads in the hops barrel...Idk where these cures for alcohol related after effects come from but I do know this...most of them fail miserably to alleviate any of the feeling associated with being hungover...most people don't wake up face down in a puddle of their own piss and vomit thinkin'...Damn...sure wish I had me some sheep lungs and owl abortions for breakfast...you wanna know what cures hangovers...ABSTINENCE...or at the very least DRINKING IN MODERATION...once you over imbibe you are F**KED...there's no turning back...you can deal with it...or schedule a full blood transfusion...or ya can do like the rest of the free thinkin' world does and SLEEP it off...I don't drink like I used to...hangovers suck ass...so I switched products...I get high...get somewhat tired...usually get the munchies...NOT for sick sh*t like sheep breathers and owl ova...but for edible stuff...ice cream...cinnamon rolls...cereal...simple stuff that doesn't require much in the way of preparation...and I have the added benefit of blaming it on a medical condition...I love how warped this country is...alcohol is legal...causes hundreds if not thousands of deaths a year...can't getta prescription for it...marijuana is illegal at the federal level...yet it doesn't cause a single death a year and can be prescribed in certain states...I swear...the dumbass things we do as a world leader continue to shock and surprise me...I don't understand the thought process behind the sheep lungs...you slaughter the poor animal...presumably skin it...and what...decide to skip on all the delicious meat...for the lungs...wouldn't it make more sense to eat the meat...feed a helluvalot more people with alot less wasted sheep material...I mean seriously... whaddaya gonna do feed maybe two Roman alcoholics per sheep...one lung a piece...Idk maybe I'm wrong...maybe we need to grind up sheep lungs and add them to alcoholic beverages and prevent hangovers right from the get go...silly bastards...I'm thinkin' sheep lungs and owl eggs were the only things left over from the smorgasbord or buffet the night before at the toga party...it's the left over shit NOBODY found appetizing enough to eat while they were drinkin'...makes more sense...especially if you've ever hung around a buncha alcoholics like I have before...they wake up and grab the first thing that resembles food...3 day old pizza they found in the stove...a half eaten chili dog from 7-11 they scrounged around and found under the back seat of their car...pocket lint covered hard candy they found in someone's piss covered pants...I've even seen someone eat a dirt covered hot dog they found rollin around by the camp fire...I drink a beer or two here and there when I feel like being social...but the days of waking up with a small snare drum being played at orchestra levels in my head have passed...I've no desire to wake up with some retarded concoction of shit that doesn't belong in our mouth starin' up from a big steamin' bowl right before m eyes...I do like to watch others get drunk tho...and if you happen to be the unlucky one that passes out first...keep one thing in mind...when you wake up and make it to the mirror...and get your first glimpse of the facial modifications I performed for you free of charge...I DID IT...and I am NOT very subtle with my techniques...ask the gus who were present with me in the Air Force out in North Dakota...NOTHING cures a hangover like being woken up 15 minutes before dress blues guardmount...being hurriedly dressed away from any available mirrors...rushed to the Law Enforcement facility...only to find out that your left eyebrow and right half of your moustache have been systematically removed while you laid in bed comatose...the things we do for fun...Have a great weekend!!!