A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans...
Do you know how absolutely DUMB you hafta be to choke on a TOOTHPICK...I mean seriously...their for your TEETH...WTF could you be diggin' for that far back you end up chokin' on the damn thing...chew your food a little there Sasquatch...holy crap...whaddaya makin' throat d'ouvres how do ya NOT swallow a chicken bone first...slow down there's plenty to go around...perhaps that new fangled idea...DENTAL FLOSS...could help a few of you less than capable chomper cleaners...I don't understand this level of stupidity...there's NO place for it...outside of politics...and if they were the ones chokin' on these objects...I'd suggest making them bigger...which probably isn't a bad idea in and of itself...I mean part of the problem hasta be that these items are too small to fill the gap between those picket fence style fangs these choke artists have...if you can fit a full cob of corn between the first two teefers in your tongue tank...usin' toothpicks is a NO-NO...try a few small branches hedged fresh from the tree in the front yard...if ya live in an arid location void of trees...grab a hunk of clothesline or boat rope and try the flossin' method ya damn gorilla...this is why ya shouldn't put toothpicks in your fruit chunks and vegetable trays...apparently some people can't tell the difference between sharp pointy wooden objects and FOOD...how wouldja like to have that stamped on your eternal memory marker...HERE LIES CHUNKY CHARLES CHEDDAR CHIN...CHOKED TO DEATH ON A CHIP OFF THE OLD COFFIN...kinda hard to feel sorry for someone like that...unless of course it has happened to someone you know...in which case you should be multi-mourning...for them...as well as for yourself for having friends that feeble minded and forgetful...and lemme just say that if this applies to females...I feel BAD for your BOYFRIEND...that poor fella hasta be about as anatomically Adonis as a Ken doll...like a hamster hair atta thousand yards...IDK who taught these f**ktards how to feel around for leftover morsels of their last meal...but you really don't need to shove a whole fist in your face to get forgotten food particles free from your fangs...I think the number one thing Americans choke on is BULLSHIT...it's fed to us everyday...in the papers...on the internet...on FOX NEWS...it gets any deeper and we're all gonna be livin' on the tallest mountains...fightin' for space...it can't be toothpicks...how do people choke on somethin' that costs less than a penny to make...that'sa whole new level of ignorance right there...they oughtta give an award for that...like say the Presidency...or at least a career path in politics...it's pathetic to think that people in this day and age can swallow somethin' this slender and possibly suffer some horrific hacking fit of fatality...for f**k's sake figure it out folks...it's smaller than a finger...and should hafta snap before making it that far down your garbage guzzlin' gullet...how proud your parents must be if you are one of these people with a passion for turnin' purple with toothpicks...coat hanger halo wearin' hooligans...I wonder what kinda inbreedin' hasta take place for a toothpick swallowin contest to go horribly wrong...swamp people aren't this stupid...which can only mean that some hillybilly slept with his sister's grandmother's daughter...did it take ya a few minutes to figure that one out??? Then you are hereby banned from trying to toss toothpicks with your tonsils...put your helmet back on...tighten up that chinstrap and make sure you wear a mouth guard...safety goggles and a full cage face mask...we wouldn't wantcha pokin' an eye out with a wet noodle or nuthin'...hell if you're goin to a buffet or a social function...ya might wanna armor out like you were a junkyard jouster and just go for broke on that there fruit and salad bar...ya doughnut dunkin' dipshit...have a great Monday folks!!!
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