JUNK JIF JEWELERY!!!

Real diamonds can be made from peanut butter...

Fo' real yo...how about ya finish the damn sentence there...oh magi of the modern world of diamond manufacturing...like in order to accomplish such a troubling task you need a heat source capable of achieving 2,000 degrees F...and an abundance of increasingly high pressure...diamonds can be created out of just about anything carbon based...when they occur naturally it is over the course of several millennium...NOT a matter of minutes using a multitude of man made ingredients...producing crystal clear diamonds from peanut butter is NOT something you're gonna be able to accomplish from the comfort of your own kitchen...if it were that simple NONE of us would be suffering an economic collapse controlled by China...the intense pressure required to pull off a performance of this perplexing possibility is enough to make even the most anal retentive among us annihilate an ass gasket...anti gay activists with their shitters sewn shut would have a hard time creating a concoction of this magnitude...let alone a Subway sandwich maker...I find it necessary to notify the non-aware of the nuances associated with attempting to manufacture a multitude of man made diamonds...simply because the expense of procuring the proper implements compares closely with that of the National deficit...in other words...don't go spending all your pennies on peanut butter in an ass backwards attempt to strike it rich over night...I have nightmares of millions of money suffering minions mulling about the local grocery store in search of sandwich solutions that will allow them to save for the future...seriously...don't be that damn DUMB...don'tcha think for a second that if this was a simple solution to solving the current economic condition I woulda monopolized it by now...ya oughtta know better by now...this forum is all about education...the type NOT taught in institutions of higher learning at any level...if I have done NOTHING else...at least allow me the simple pleasure of realizing my readers are NOT as STUPID as those that provide the fodder for our daily foray into false fictional fumblings from the feeble minded few that frolic in the fumes of f**ktardom...if you read this tidbit and immediately manufacture a shopping list complete with plenty of packages of peanut butter...Imma hafta slap you silly with a soggy piece of exterior sandwich solution...As almost everything on this planet is carbon based...it stands to reason that a total collapse of the atmosphere would create the most prized jewel in the junk we currently call the cosmos...this planet and everything on it would be subject to surface temperatures far in excess of the 2,000 F degrees required...as well as an insurmountable amount of pressure...so rather then throw your money at a manufacturer of peanut butter...such as JIF or PETER PAN...build yourself a space station instead and wait for the end of the world...if NOTHING else you will be able to escape the assinine confines of Earth and the dipshidiots that occupy it...(a dipshidiot is an individual that personifies a dipshit and an idiot simultaneously)...I can't think of a better ending to this story than to say...if you are this DAMN DUMB...surround yourself with less intelligent individuals...it's the ONLY way you're gonna look wonderful and wise...Imma steal a line from my new favorite commercials...remember...IT'S ONLY WEIRD IF IT DOESN'T WORK!!!