In 1904 the head of the U.S. patent office said it should close because everything that could possibly be invented had already been invented...
Unfortunately...like most government employees he couldn't have been more wrong...if only it were that simple...what made this DUMBASS so sure everything that was going to be invented had already been invented??? Seriously...what happened...did he run out of patents to write...when he started the job did they tell him...once this book is full...that's it we're done...lock up shop and collect retirement benefits??? You are in charge of handing out patents for inventions...and the steady flow of foot and mail traffic that has been constantly coming and going...hasn't indicated to you that people are still using the creative capacity of their cranial output calculators to concoct new inventions...WTF didja think future generations were going to be content driving around in those old ass cars that only went 30MPH downhill with a tail wind...this guy has got to be related to the BUSH family...because I remember another DUMBASS that stood on the bow of a naval vessel to hold a news conference stating that we had one the war in Iraq and all major military operations had come to a cease...a full...what...8 years and 3.000 + deaths too soon there Charlie...woulda been alot easier to end the war in Iraq when they found the WMD's...OH...that's right...we left empty handed after ten years of unnecessary death and destruction...I mean don't get me wrong...I don't blame the soldiers that were over there fighting...that's what they do...but it's NOT their fault they are misinformed...Military Intelligence is a concept still awaiting patent approval...and apparently they are standing in line at the desk of the dipshit that was in charge back in 1904...waiting for him to return...he ain't comin back because he thinks they were done inventin' shit long long ago...all this idiot had to do was look up the meaning of the damn word...'INVENTION'...which I will attempt to define here without the use of a dictionary...it's the creation of NEW things or ideas...a patent protects these NEW products and IDEAS from being stolen...or used without permission...so either this guy couldn't think for himself...quite possible considering that he was employed by the government and you are forbidden from having inception when you work in any of those departments...if they wanted their employees to have an original thought they'd give it to them...can you imagine if the person in charge of government departments could just say...HEY...that's it we're all done...shut the damn doors...let's PARTY...think of all the money we could save...simply by boycotting their existence for a week and making them believe they were NO longer needed...the IRS would be gone...I'll supply the locks...once we get everything shut down and clean out the White House I say we give it to the homeless...as partial payback...for years of inept service...I mean holy shit...I'd hafta start goin to church on Sunday with Momma...and we all know how that would turn out...boiling holy water and pews stacked against the door...they'd be closed up one way or another...and that would be fine too...I'm pretty sure they would be the oldest violators of patent law...had Constantine had a patent office nearby...I wonder if those DUMBASSES in 1904 actually had a minor shut down of the patent office...it would sure explain why all the products we get today come with the label...patent pending...makes ya wonder if the shit you're buyin' is gonna work...or if you are part of the guinea pig trial period...NO injuries or deaths after a year...APPROVED...I've NEVER been one to claim I understand all the inner workings of goverment...but seriously...ya didn't see the guys at the Department of Energy go bolting for the door...hopin to lock up shop and go home early...when Nuclear Energy was created...didja...and ya know why??? Because they knew their jobs weren't done yet...I don't get it...always puttin the cart before the horse...which expalins why history repeats itself...because if people learned from their mistakes...we wouldn't hafta keep reliving them!!!
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
04/18/12
The first dog ever fitted with contact lenses was hit by a car the day after he was fitted with them...
If this surprises you at all...STOP what you are doing and pay attention...DOGS...as well as other less intelligent life forms in the animal kingdom...have significantly less vision than humans do...therefore until Doogie Bowser, DOG MD graduates from Harvard while he's still a puppy and learns how to manufacture contact lenses for his species...I'm gonna stand by my theory that what works on humans...doesn't work on pets...guess why??? I know...and the damn thing of it is...I NEVER spent a single dime of my parents money on a wasted medical education...it's because they are NOT created the same way we are...and they are unable to communicate correctly and efficiently...which leads me to wonder just what the hell the optometrist performing this function thought he was gonna accomplish...I mean what the hell makes ya thing that giving a damn dog an eye test is gonna provide you with the necessary information required to prescribe contacts...I can see it now...read the first line Duke...Woof...and now the second line...woof...woof...and the third line...can you read that one...woof...woof...(whimper...whimper)...woof...NOPE...looks like you blind as the bat I had in here last week...then ya jam contact lenses into his pupils...and what...send him out the door without a seeing eye human...of course he is gonna get hit by a car...stupid damn dog probably lost a contact lens in the middle of the street while he was chasing a ball...why do you think they put racing horses down when they get injured...because prosthetics aren't suitable for horses...ya know where this idiot graduated from medical school...Cal-Tech's LSD institution of HIGHer learning...because just like those dipshits we mentioned yesterday that thought they were playing music and making movies...you don't make unsound medical decisions when you are sober...I mean for all this dumbass knows...he got the prescription wrong and the poor dog stumbled out into the road...while the whole time he thought he was in the backyard with Jake the cat...who by the way was sitting on the fence by the road...grinning from ear to ear...whispering...NO...over here Duke...that is about the dumbest thing I have ever heard...contact lenses for dogs...or any pets for that matter...makes me wanna get my good clothes on and go sit in the woods at night howling at Squatches...I hadda blind cat once...you know what I did to help his vision...I opened the door when he wanted to go out...or come in...same as I would do for any of my pets regardless of vision problems...because here's the thing...I like every one of my pets...but they are replaceable...and until Veterinarian visits start resulting in prices less than that of a bullet...I'm gonna stick to my guns and let the little bastards fend for themselves...not children...I'm NOT gonna spend thousands of dollars at some dipshits office making sure my pet is in good health...especially a DOG...they eat their own shit...there isn't any amount of medical attention gonna solve that problem...premature death seems evident...and if it just so happens it's a blind pet I'm NOT particularly fond of...the last thing I'm gonna do is buy it corrective eyewear...I'm probably hopin' it won't come back home...I know I'm the cruel...cold hearted ...mad bastard...up north to most of you folks...but this kinda shit pisses me off...10 to 1 odds the owner of this particular dog...spent hundreds if not thousands of dollars on trying to help his pet see better...yet turned up his nose at broke ass Joe on the street corner...who lost his legs and job 8 months ago...due to a roadside bomb in Fallujah...lost his wife and kids 6 months after that...and is struggling to make ends meet while living in a cardboard box with all the other disabled veterans our government has swept under the rug...on top of that...I'm bettin' this particular pet owner hasn't made one significant contribution to society... as a matter of fact their probably a trust fund baby that inherited all of their money and hasn't had a single grain of filth beneath their fingernails...these people make me sick...and I've known a few of them in my lifetime...knew a family once...spent $3,000 on corrective surgery for their Great Dane because it had hip displaysia...their daughter on the other hand was denied the oral equipment she required in the form of braces...and was allowed to continue being ridiculed at school for having a mangle mouth...we don't communicate anymore...I guess my opinion of...WTF guys get your priorities straight...wasn't very well appreciated...and honestly I couldn't give a shit less...I need more f**ktards in my life...like I need the federal government combing thru my ass hairs with a hog hair toothbrush...what is it with humans anyway...why are they so compassionate towards animals on the one hand...and so violent against them on the other...I mean for instance...if your dog can't see...you run out and try to get it contact lenses...but if your dog bites somebody in self defense...everybody wants to kill it...they're f**kin animals you idiots...they have issues just like we do...if you beat your pet for being disobedient or acting aggressively towards others you end up in jail for animal abuse...yet if you don't control your pet and they attack somebody...you go to jail for neglecting to control your pet...it's ridiculous...I don't get it...if you buy something from a store...take it home and enjoy it for several years before it develops a problem that is irreparable...whaddaya do with it...toss it out and get a new one...you don't keep paying to try and fix the old one...it's the same with pets...they are going to die eventually and require replacement...save your money and buy a better model next time...and for the love of all creatures...STOP trying to perform procedures on them that can NEVER be proven to work...and repay your parents...they worked hard for that money you wasted!!!
If this surprises you at all...STOP what you are doing and pay attention...DOGS...as well as other less intelligent life forms in the animal kingdom...have significantly less vision than humans do...therefore until Doogie Bowser, DOG MD graduates from Harvard while he's still a puppy and learns how to manufacture contact lenses for his species...I'm gonna stand by my theory that what works on humans...doesn't work on pets...guess why??? I know...and the damn thing of it is...I NEVER spent a single dime of my parents money on a wasted medical education...it's because they are NOT created the same way we are...and they are unable to communicate correctly and efficiently...which leads me to wonder just what the hell the optometrist performing this function thought he was gonna accomplish...I mean what the hell makes ya thing that giving a damn dog an eye test is gonna provide you with the necessary information required to prescribe contacts...I can see it now...read the first line Duke...Woof...and now the second line...woof...woof...and the third line...can you read that one...woof...woof...(whimper...whimper)...woof...NOPE...looks like you blind as the bat I had in here last week...then ya jam contact lenses into his pupils...and what...send him out the door without a seeing eye human...of course he is gonna get hit by a car...stupid damn dog probably lost a contact lens in the middle of the street while he was chasing a ball...why do you think they put racing horses down when they get injured...because prosthetics aren't suitable for horses...ya know where this idiot graduated from medical school...Cal-Tech's LSD institution of HIGHer learning...because just like those dipshits we mentioned yesterday that thought they were playing music and making movies...you don't make unsound medical decisions when you are sober...I mean for all this dumbass knows...he got the prescription wrong and the poor dog stumbled out into the road...while the whole time he thought he was in the backyard with Jake the cat...who by the way was sitting on the fence by the road...grinning from ear to ear...whispering...NO...over here Duke...that is about the dumbest thing I have ever heard...contact lenses for dogs...or any pets for that matter...makes me wanna get my good clothes on and go sit in the woods at night howling at Squatches...I hadda blind cat once...you know what I did to help his vision...I opened the door when he wanted to go out...or come in...same as I would do for any of my pets regardless of vision problems...because here's the thing...I like every one of my pets...but they are replaceable...and until Veterinarian visits start resulting in prices less than that of a bullet...I'm gonna stick to my guns and let the little bastards fend for themselves...not children...I'm NOT gonna spend thousands of dollars at some dipshits office making sure my pet is in good health...especially a DOG...they eat their own shit...there isn't any amount of medical attention gonna solve that problem...premature death seems evident...and if it just so happens it's a blind pet I'm NOT particularly fond of...the last thing I'm gonna do is buy it corrective eyewear...I'm probably hopin' it won't come back home...I know I'm the cruel...cold hearted ...mad bastard...up north to most of you folks...but this kinda shit pisses me off...10 to 1 odds the owner of this particular dog...spent hundreds if not thousands of dollars on trying to help his pet see better...yet turned up his nose at broke ass Joe on the street corner...who lost his legs and job 8 months ago...due to a roadside bomb in Fallujah...lost his wife and kids 6 months after that...and is struggling to make ends meet while living in a cardboard box with all the other disabled veterans our government has swept under the rug...on top of that...I'm bettin' this particular pet owner hasn't made one significant contribution to society... as a matter of fact their probably a trust fund baby that inherited all of their money and hasn't had a single grain of filth beneath their fingernails...these people make me sick...and I've known a few of them in my lifetime...knew a family once...spent $3,000 on corrective surgery for their Great Dane because it had hip displaysia...their daughter on the other hand was denied the oral equipment she required in the form of braces...and was allowed to continue being ridiculed at school for having a mangle mouth...we don't communicate anymore...I guess my opinion of...WTF guys get your priorities straight...wasn't very well appreciated...and honestly I couldn't give a shit less...I need more f**ktards in my life...like I need the federal government combing thru my ass hairs with a hog hair toothbrush...what is it with humans anyway...why are they so compassionate towards animals on the one hand...and so violent against them on the other...I mean for instance...if your dog can't see...you run out and try to get it contact lenses...but if your dog bites somebody in self defense...everybody wants to kill it...they're f**kin animals you idiots...they have issues just like we do...if you beat your pet for being disobedient or acting aggressively towards others you end up in jail for animal abuse...yet if you don't control your pet and they attack somebody...you go to jail for neglecting to control your pet...it's ridiculous...I don't get it...if you buy something from a store...take it home and enjoy it for several years before it develops a problem that is irreparable...whaddaya do with it...toss it out and get a new one...you don't keep paying to try and fix the old one...it's the same with pets...they are going to die eventually and require replacement...save your money and buy a better model next time...and for the love of all creatures...STOP trying to perform procedures on them that can NEVER be proven to work...and repay your parents...they worked hard for that money you wasted!!!
04/17/12
Up until 1967, LSD was legal in California...
Ya know...I really didn't need this tidbit to inform me of the drug laws in California...in the late 1960's... that entire state was one big ass bag full of toxic material back then...have ya heard some of the music... my god if it LSD hadn't been legal half that shit would still be sittin on record store shelves... I hate it when people misidentify good music from that era...sure there were some super hit songs by Jimi Hendrix...The Doors...The Animals...and my all time favorite band to ever take a stage...anywhere in the world...Pink Floyd...but come on...listen to the whole album...if those guys weren't trippin' their balls off then the audience had to be...because you don't put together music like that when you're sober...look at Ozzy Osbourne...a founding member of Black Sabbath...did so many drugs ya need a damn translator to understand him...and why is it like that with some of these singers...they come from England or some other foreign country...sing in perfect english...and then mumble incoherently when they're speaking...for fuck's sake...if ya can sing the damn words so I can understand them...can't ya at least attempt to speak the same way...and look at The Beatles...they experimented with so many drugs in so many different cultures...they NEVER had a good song...that band absolutely sucked ass...I'm sorry folks but the truth needs to be told...they sucked ass...yeah... yeah...yeah...they even titled a song...Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds...for the drug...LSD...they had NO talent...the lyrics were so simple...you knew the entire song after hearing it once...the boys in Pink Floyd were so whacked outta their skulls they actually put together a tune titled...Several species of small furry animals gathered together in a cave and grooving with a pict...WTF is that...and the movies from that era...who was in charge of special effects back in that day...Dennis Hopper...I mean seriously look at some of the really old episodes of Star Trek...I swear those are flashlights being used as the twin propulsion units on top of the Enterprise...I mean really...California was the first state to legalize marijuana for medicinal use...because as we all know by now...Cali isn't a recreational state... hell NO...old people on pot go there to die...RIGHT...and the Pope is Protestant...LSD...regardless of what you may hear about the drug...is a synthetic man made product...designed by the C.I.A....with the governements consent and financial backing...kinda makes ya wonder just how the f**k our government operates...who invents a drug...a dangerous drug...one capable of inducing death...releases it to the general public thru the black market...and then decides to host a War On Drugs...it's NO f**kin wonder the national deficit is increasing at speeds close to that of light itself...I mean hell... how effective is a War On Drugs...you're spending money on covert programs like the C.I.A and D.E.A. so they can smuggle drugs into the country...disburse them...and then try and find them...that;s kinda like loading a gun...spinning around blindfolded...firing a round off into the air...and trying to find it years later...unless I missed something...this country should consider legalizing all drugs...I think about it...China and India are kicking our ass in propogation of population...seriously...we are in a slow foot race for third place...both these countries possess ethnic groups or religious sects that smoke Opium...and what do we have...a buncha potsmokers in prison...I mean come on...and our country allows companies that operate within it borders to farm out customer service call centers to a buncha Opium Den deliquents that can't annunciate a damn thing...here's an idea...bring jobs back to America...train the 90% of non violent...potsmoking prisoners within the system how to take calls and give them a shot at getting a job when they get out...instead of teaching them how to press license plates...there isn't much of a use for that on the outside...ya know who presses license plates...other than state run correctional facility attendees...former correctional facility attendees from the state of California that are strung out on LSD...you can usually find them at entertainment venues...like the county fair...or town festival...they travel across the country like gypsies all year long...setting up shop in a little stand they set up...and make personalized license plates for a price...because that's all they know how to do...the only difference is that on the outside they can make $15.00 or more per plate...as opposed to $0.14 an hour on the inside per how many plates an hour...and you silly bastards thought slavery had been abolished...it's just been renamed...it's called Penal Employment in this day and age... tricky bastards aren't they...and you know why most people don't catch on to these little things...9 times out of 10 it's from...Lack of Simple Detection of the evidence put before you...if the government wasn't in control of the media they wouldn't be able to cover-up...or spin their involvement in so many conflicting interests...and all of the illegal shit it carries out on a daily basis...personally I hope I live long enough to see it fall from within...before we end up being owned by every country that has a dollar to spare...maybe the U.S. Constitution has served it's purpose and it and every law ever established by it should be abolished...start over...that's how you fix a major f**k up...you don't just keep puttin band-aids on bullet wounds...they can't stop the bleeding...and here's a little hint for future biochemical developments...when you invent a drug or virus...and slip it into the mainstream population...let's make it something useful...let's say a drug that makes stupid people all over the world instant winners on...Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader...and here's the catch...you hafta get elected into a political position...elect to pursue a legal career...a medical career...or hunt for Bigfoot in order to get a prescription for these pills...paranormal investigators will also be given special consideration for prescriptions...after the age of 7...I'll tell ya what...ya don't wanna see me in charge of this mess...I'd close the borders...fire the senators and congressmen...use that windfall of money to employ some of the most violent people I can find to protect our borders...they get bonuses for one shot-one kill confirmations...you want to come into this country there will be one airport...located right in the heart of Hicksville, USA...let's see your smart ass get past the hillbillies from Deliverance...why was LSD made illegal in California in 1967??? That's the better question...because it got into the wrong hands...the government wanted to use it for psych-ops...against foreign POW's...and secret agents...in order to get them to divulge information...apparently thinking that causing a human being to hallucinate could somehow scare them into telling the truth...little did they know that people who are hallucinating...DON'T know the truth...they have lost touch with reality...DUMBASS...whether chemically induced or from breaks in the individual psyche...the fact that the truth is floating across the room in the form of a pink elephant with a dripping rainbow snout..should lead anyone taking the new...DIPSHIT SHOT...immediately recognize this little fact...long before experimenting with these kinds of Lazy assed Systems for Detecting the...TRUTH!!!
Ya know...I really didn't need this tidbit to inform me of the drug laws in California...in the late 1960's... that entire state was one big ass bag full of toxic material back then...have ya heard some of the music... my god if it LSD hadn't been legal half that shit would still be sittin on record store shelves... I hate it when people misidentify good music from that era...sure there were some super hit songs by Jimi Hendrix...The Doors...The Animals...and my all time favorite band to ever take a stage...anywhere in the world...Pink Floyd...but come on...listen to the whole album...if those guys weren't trippin' their balls off then the audience had to be...because you don't put together music like that when you're sober...look at Ozzy Osbourne...a founding member of Black Sabbath...did so many drugs ya need a damn translator to understand him...and why is it like that with some of these singers...they come from England or some other foreign country...sing in perfect english...and then mumble incoherently when they're speaking...for fuck's sake...if ya can sing the damn words so I can understand them...can't ya at least attempt to speak the same way...and look at The Beatles...they experimented with so many drugs in so many different cultures...they NEVER had a good song...that band absolutely sucked ass...I'm sorry folks but the truth needs to be told...they sucked ass...yeah... yeah...yeah...they even titled a song...Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds...for the drug...LSD...they had NO talent...the lyrics were so simple...you knew the entire song after hearing it once...the boys in Pink Floyd were so whacked outta their skulls they actually put together a tune titled...Several species of small furry animals gathered together in a cave and grooving with a pict...WTF is that...and the movies from that era...who was in charge of special effects back in that day...Dennis Hopper...I mean seriously look at some of the really old episodes of Star Trek...I swear those are flashlights being used as the twin propulsion units on top of the Enterprise...I mean really...California was the first state to legalize marijuana for medicinal use...because as we all know by now...Cali isn't a recreational state... hell NO...old people on pot go there to die...RIGHT...and the Pope is Protestant...LSD...regardless of what you may hear about the drug...is a synthetic man made product...designed by the C.I.A....with the governements consent and financial backing...kinda makes ya wonder just how the f**k our government operates...who invents a drug...a dangerous drug...one capable of inducing death...releases it to the general public thru the black market...and then decides to host a War On Drugs...it's NO f**kin wonder the national deficit is increasing at speeds close to that of light itself...I mean hell... how effective is a War On Drugs...you're spending money on covert programs like the C.I.A and D.E.A. so they can smuggle drugs into the country...disburse them...and then try and find them...that;s kinda like loading a gun...spinning around blindfolded...firing a round off into the air...and trying to find it years later...unless I missed something...this country should consider legalizing all drugs...I think about it...China and India are kicking our ass in propogation of population...seriously...we are in a slow foot race for third place...both these countries possess ethnic groups or religious sects that smoke Opium...and what do we have...a buncha potsmokers in prison...I mean come on...and our country allows companies that operate within it borders to farm out customer service call centers to a buncha Opium Den deliquents that can't annunciate a damn thing...here's an idea...bring jobs back to America...train the 90% of non violent...potsmoking prisoners within the system how to take calls and give them a shot at getting a job when they get out...instead of teaching them how to press license plates...there isn't much of a use for that on the outside...ya know who presses license plates...other than state run correctional facility attendees...former correctional facility attendees from the state of California that are strung out on LSD...you can usually find them at entertainment venues...like the county fair...or town festival...they travel across the country like gypsies all year long...setting up shop in a little stand they set up...and make personalized license plates for a price...because that's all they know how to do...the only difference is that on the outside they can make $15.00 or more per plate...as opposed to $0.14 an hour on the inside per how many plates an hour...and you silly bastards thought slavery had been abolished...it's just been renamed...it's called Penal Employment in this day and age... tricky bastards aren't they...and you know why most people don't catch on to these little things...9 times out of 10 it's from...Lack of Simple Detection of the evidence put before you...if the government wasn't in control of the media they wouldn't be able to cover-up...or spin their involvement in so many conflicting interests...and all of the illegal shit it carries out on a daily basis...personally I hope I live long enough to see it fall from within...before we end up being owned by every country that has a dollar to spare...maybe the U.S. Constitution has served it's purpose and it and every law ever established by it should be abolished...start over...that's how you fix a major f**k up...you don't just keep puttin band-aids on bullet wounds...they can't stop the bleeding...and here's a little hint for future biochemical developments...when you invent a drug or virus...and slip it into the mainstream population...let's make it something useful...let's say a drug that makes stupid people all over the world instant winners on...Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader...and here's the catch...you hafta get elected into a political position...elect to pursue a legal career...a medical career...or hunt for Bigfoot in order to get a prescription for these pills...paranormal investigators will also be given special consideration for prescriptions...after the age of 7...I'll tell ya what...ya don't wanna see me in charge of this mess...I'd close the borders...fire the senators and congressmen...use that windfall of money to employ some of the most violent people I can find to protect our borders...they get bonuses for one shot-one kill confirmations...you want to come into this country there will be one airport...located right in the heart of Hicksville, USA...let's see your smart ass get past the hillbillies from Deliverance...why was LSD made illegal in California in 1967??? That's the better question...because it got into the wrong hands...the government wanted to use it for psych-ops...against foreign POW's...and secret agents...in order to get them to divulge information...apparently thinking that causing a human being to hallucinate could somehow scare them into telling the truth...little did they know that people who are hallucinating...DON'T know the truth...they have lost touch with reality...DUMBASS...whether chemically induced or from breaks in the individual psyche...the fact that the truth is floating across the room in the form of a pink elephant with a dripping rainbow snout..should lead anyone taking the new...DIPSHIT SHOT...immediately recognize this little fact...long before experimenting with these kinds of Lazy assed Systems for Detecting the...TRUTH!!!
Monday, April 16, 2012
04/16/12
The yo-yo was originally a weapon in the Philippines...
Well now ya know...cat's outta the bag...the real reason we got involved in the South Pacific during WWII...apparently the further away from actual civilization a culture is...the deeper the well of incestuous ideas...I mean what else explains it...NOBODY else looked at the yo-yo and thought...WOW MOM thanks for the loaded weapon...NOW I have the advantage over...who...what...other kids that don't have yo-yos...animals that can't run for their lives...I mean WTF were ya thinkin'...Philippino Kung Fu...know why you've NEVER heard of it...because some dumbass thought using toys as tools of torture was a good idea...I had one of those wooden paddles with a rubber ball stapled to it when I was younger...didn't see me runnin the streets tryin to put the Smack Down on anybody didja...NO...and ya know why??? Because I know a damn toy when I see one...seriously...how did they think they were going to defend themselves with a had piece of plastic retrievable by a tightly wound string...what were they gonna...'Rock the Cradle'...somebody to death... just when ya think you've heard it all...up pops a peanut munchin pork belly from the pacific island of the Philippines that just makes ya wanna run around slobberin' while pissin your pants...just to know what it feels like to be that damn stupid...I mean holy crap I've heard of some pretty weird crap regarding the evolution of weaponary...but a yo-yo is a yo-yo...its slightly more dangerous than a slinky...if you let somebody give you a BOO-BOO with a yo-yo...or a slinky for that matter...shove your head in the toilet and flush repeatedly...you NO longer deserve to walk among the erect earthlings ya damn mush melon...where do you come up with an idea like the yo-yo weapon...and how pray tell do you market this deadly item...I'm NOT kiddin'...who bought this damn thing thinkin they could inflict pain or serious bodily injury...I mean common sense says that a 5 year old kid with a pocketful of rocks and a weeks worth of time behind a slingshot has the upper hand on your dumb yo-yo totin' ass...the yo-yo as a weapon is only useful in close combat situations...and even then it has not pointed projectile or sharpened edge...it's a damn yo-yo...round in nature and normally made of plastic or wood...however I suppose one milled out of metal if they looked hard enough...so what possible damage could it inflict...bruising...have ya ever tried to sling a yo-yo at somebody with any accuracy...it's impossible unless you sneak up and hit them unexpectedly...if they can see it coming they can normally avoid it by taking a few steps backwards...unless of course they happen to be a kangaroo or an emu...in which case...David the yo-yo slayer is probably gonna have your ass for dinner NO matter how big you are...damn it...I'm sorry...that story was from the Philistines...NOT the Philippines...but same idea...I've known quite a few Philippino people in my life...and NOT once has any of them ever looked me in the eye and said...'Today you die...Duncan or Wham-O...choose your weapon'...nor did they appear to possess the killer instinct and talent one would assume should be present in any member of the underground death squad known as the Yo-Yo Yakuza...I don't know about you folks...but if I'm ever in the Philippines and somebody tries to carjack me with a damn yo-yo Imma hold onto the string and drive away...this is probably directly responsible for the failed Philippino Inter Stellar Space Program Orbiting Outer Regions...or P.I.S.S.P.O.O.R. as it is commonly called in global communities...kinda hard to compete with countries that are launching satellites and shuttles into space to conduct research...when all you have is a fistful of damp bottle rockets...even the best ones are incapable of escaping the earths gravitational forces...much like the failed yo-yo weapon of yore...they tend to come crashing back close to a location they were launched from...proper protective gear...including a drool bib...should be used by all those unfamiliar with their function or intended use...helmets and goggles are also available in matching colors for the fashion conscious feeble minded yo-yo flingin' Philippino foot soldier...place your orders ahead of time and get a nice bottomless paper sack for the Halloween season...if stupid is as stupid does...then showing up to a cock slinging contest armed with a yo-yo...is sure to get more than a few chuckles...ya might wanna leave the real fighting to those that have established a military presence on your little rock...could keep ya from bein' somebody elses underwear washers!!!
Well now ya know...cat's outta the bag...the real reason we got involved in the South Pacific during WWII...apparently the further away from actual civilization a culture is...the deeper the well of incestuous ideas...I mean what else explains it...NOBODY else looked at the yo-yo and thought...WOW MOM thanks for the loaded weapon...NOW I have the advantage over...who...what...other kids that don't have yo-yos...animals that can't run for their lives...I mean WTF were ya thinkin'...Philippino Kung Fu...know why you've NEVER heard of it...because some dumbass thought using toys as tools of torture was a good idea...I had one of those wooden paddles with a rubber ball stapled to it when I was younger...didn't see me runnin the streets tryin to put the Smack Down on anybody didja...NO...and ya know why??? Because I know a damn toy when I see one...seriously...how did they think they were going to defend themselves with a had piece of plastic retrievable by a tightly wound string...what were they gonna...'Rock the Cradle'...somebody to death... just when ya think you've heard it all...up pops a peanut munchin pork belly from the pacific island of the Philippines that just makes ya wanna run around slobberin' while pissin your pants...just to know what it feels like to be that damn stupid...I mean holy crap I've heard of some pretty weird crap regarding the evolution of weaponary...but a yo-yo is a yo-yo...its slightly more dangerous than a slinky...if you let somebody give you a BOO-BOO with a yo-yo...or a slinky for that matter...shove your head in the toilet and flush repeatedly...you NO longer deserve to walk among the erect earthlings ya damn mush melon...where do you come up with an idea like the yo-yo weapon...and how pray tell do you market this deadly item...I'm NOT kiddin'...who bought this damn thing thinkin they could inflict pain or serious bodily injury...I mean common sense says that a 5 year old kid with a pocketful of rocks and a weeks worth of time behind a slingshot has the upper hand on your dumb yo-yo totin' ass...the yo-yo as a weapon is only useful in close combat situations...and even then it has not pointed projectile or sharpened edge...it's a damn yo-yo...round in nature and normally made of plastic or wood...however I suppose one milled out of metal if they looked hard enough...so what possible damage could it inflict...bruising...have ya ever tried to sling a yo-yo at somebody with any accuracy...it's impossible unless you sneak up and hit them unexpectedly...if they can see it coming they can normally avoid it by taking a few steps backwards...unless of course they happen to be a kangaroo or an emu...in which case...David the yo-yo slayer is probably gonna have your ass for dinner NO matter how big you are...damn it...I'm sorry...that story was from the Philistines...NOT the Philippines...but same idea...I've known quite a few Philippino people in my life...and NOT once has any of them ever looked me in the eye and said...'Today you die...Duncan or Wham-O...choose your weapon'...nor did they appear to possess the killer instinct and talent one would assume should be present in any member of the underground death squad known as the Yo-Yo Yakuza...I don't know about you folks...but if I'm ever in the Philippines and somebody tries to carjack me with a damn yo-yo Imma hold onto the string and drive away...this is probably directly responsible for the failed Philippino Inter Stellar Space Program Orbiting Outer Regions...or P.I.S.S.P.O.O.R. as it is commonly called in global communities...kinda hard to compete with countries that are launching satellites and shuttles into space to conduct research...when all you have is a fistful of damp bottle rockets...even the best ones are incapable of escaping the earths gravitational forces...much like the failed yo-yo weapon of yore...they tend to come crashing back close to a location they were launched from...proper protective gear...including a drool bib...should be used by all those unfamiliar with their function or intended use...helmets and goggles are also available in matching colors for the fashion conscious feeble minded yo-yo flingin' Philippino foot soldier...place your orders ahead of time and get a nice bottomless paper sack for the Halloween season...if stupid is as stupid does...then showing up to a cock slinging contest armed with a yo-yo...is sure to get more than a few chuckles...ya might wanna leave the real fighting to those that have established a military presence on your little rock...could keep ya from bein' somebody elses underwear washers!!!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
04/13/12
There are an odd number of steps in every staircase in Thailand...
Here's a very interesting aspect that the original author failed to include in this catastrophic commentary regarding staircases in Thailand...it isn't a local superstition...it has no importance in Thai society...and as a matter of fact is more of an International tradition among craftsmen than anything else. Count the steps in any staircase you come across...and guess what...9 times out of 10...the sum will total an odd number... which means one of two things people...either damn near everybody that has ever bulit an inclined stepping device utilized to gain access to locations above or below them...adheres to the same time honored tradition that has been handed down thru the centuries...or the people of Thailand build every damn staircase in the world...I'll let you decide...now most of you may not be familiar with the construction process of new homes...and therefore haven't a clue as to what ethnicity the people that built your staircase come from...I have personally spent countless hours in several fields within the construction industry...and lemme assure you there are very few Thai stair builders working here in America...and I would hafta venture a guess it's the same situation in every other country except...Thailand...this leads me to believe that craftsmen here in the states were informed of this design decision thru other methods...like learning them from the non Thai mentor that hired them...go to the nearest stairwell and count the steps in a flight of stairs...was it odd...or even...or are you having trouble deciding which area is compatible or categorized as a step...here lemme help you...those smaller things that continue to incline or decline at equidistant intervals...those are steps...the bigger platforms that are used for turning to take another flight or as entranceways and exits for a specific floor are called landings...landings are only counted once...so do not count the landing you are standing on to perform the mind boggling math problem if you count the one at the top or bottom of the flight...counting both landings only serves to confuse the countee further...and people...although it is Friday and I would love NOTHING more than to spend the entire day finger sliding different colored beads across an antiquated abicus...I have other things that are more pressing...like locating or constructing the world's first even numbered stairwell...do ya know when stairs play an important part of my life and require counting??? When the asshole that built the damn building didn't have the foresight or financial means to incorporate elevators or escalators...aside from that they are insignificant...sadly there are probably several things I will NEVER see...up close and personally...because of this very reason...stair climbing falls just behind and slightly to the left of running...on the list of activities I attempt to avoid at all costs...I am NEVER late enough...NOR in a big enough hurry to get somewhere...that I feel the urge or necessity to run...the same can be said for stairs...there are other idiots that will ascend them as high as they go...if these morons have the capacity and capability to use one or more of their arms and hands...they can take pictures and I will be more than happy to view them upon their descent...I don't even like the fact that my house has a small set of stairs at the front and rear...it's a pain in the ass of epic proportions...the last thing I wanna do is hafta carry shit up or down stairs...although I must say...if given the option I would rather be headed in a steady downward angle...it is much easier to catch the weight of your body on each descending step than it is to lift your entire body weight up to the next level...NOW don't spend the rest of the day counting steps on stairs...you're sure to make a mistake along the way and stumble on another important fact associated with staircase step counting...there are far too many of them to matter...and here's something you blonde readers are going to want to pay extra special attention to...if the stairwell includes several flights of stairs...and they are all included in the same building...chances are they all have the same amount of steps...you can quit counting them by the 5th floor...hey it's NOT my fault they require special instructions...they're BLONDE...have a great weekend...and when you leave the building this afternoon...if you are fortunate enough to come across some dumbass counting steps...slap them on the back and start shouting out random digits on your way down to the exit...4...8...54...12...3...7...if NOTHING else you will confuse them long enough to get a head start on your weekend...if they are still there on Monday buy them some hair dye...the roots are starting to show thru!!!
Here's a very interesting aspect that the original author failed to include in this catastrophic commentary regarding staircases in Thailand...it isn't a local superstition...it has no importance in Thai society...and as a matter of fact is more of an International tradition among craftsmen than anything else. Count the steps in any staircase you come across...and guess what...9 times out of 10...the sum will total an odd number... which means one of two things people...either damn near everybody that has ever bulit an inclined stepping device utilized to gain access to locations above or below them...adheres to the same time honored tradition that has been handed down thru the centuries...or the people of Thailand build every damn staircase in the world...I'll let you decide...now most of you may not be familiar with the construction process of new homes...and therefore haven't a clue as to what ethnicity the people that built your staircase come from...I have personally spent countless hours in several fields within the construction industry...and lemme assure you there are very few Thai stair builders working here in America...and I would hafta venture a guess it's the same situation in every other country except...Thailand...this leads me to believe that craftsmen here in the states were informed of this design decision thru other methods...like learning them from the non Thai mentor that hired them...go to the nearest stairwell and count the steps in a flight of stairs...was it odd...or even...or are you having trouble deciding which area is compatible or categorized as a step...here lemme help you...those smaller things that continue to incline or decline at equidistant intervals...those are steps...the bigger platforms that are used for turning to take another flight or as entranceways and exits for a specific floor are called landings...landings are only counted once...so do not count the landing you are standing on to perform the mind boggling math problem if you count the one at the top or bottom of the flight...counting both landings only serves to confuse the countee further...and people...although it is Friday and I would love NOTHING more than to spend the entire day finger sliding different colored beads across an antiquated abicus...I have other things that are more pressing...like locating or constructing the world's first even numbered stairwell...do ya know when stairs play an important part of my life and require counting??? When the asshole that built the damn building didn't have the foresight or financial means to incorporate elevators or escalators...aside from that they are insignificant...sadly there are probably several things I will NEVER see...up close and personally...because of this very reason...stair climbing falls just behind and slightly to the left of running...on the list of activities I attempt to avoid at all costs...I am NEVER late enough...NOR in a big enough hurry to get somewhere...that I feel the urge or necessity to run...the same can be said for stairs...there are other idiots that will ascend them as high as they go...if these morons have the capacity and capability to use one or more of their arms and hands...they can take pictures and I will be more than happy to view them upon their descent...I don't even like the fact that my house has a small set of stairs at the front and rear...it's a pain in the ass of epic proportions...the last thing I wanna do is hafta carry shit up or down stairs...although I must say...if given the option I would rather be headed in a steady downward angle...it is much easier to catch the weight of your body on each descending step than it is to lift your entire body weight up to the next level...NOW don't spend the rest of the day counting steps on stairs...you're sure to make a mistake along the way and stumble on another important fact associated with staircase step counting...there are far too many of them to matter...and here's something you blonde readers are going to want to pay extra special attention to...if the stairwell includes several flights of stairs...and they are all included in the same building...chances are they all have the same amount of steps...you can quit counting them by the 5th floor...hey it's NOT my fault they require special instructions...they're BLONDE...have a great weekend...and when you leave the building this afternoon...if you are fortunate enough to come across some dumbass counting steps...slap them on the back and start shouting out random digits on your way down to the exit...4...8...54...12...3...7...if NOTHING else you will confuse them long enough to get a head start on your weekend...if they are still there on Monday buy them some hair dye...the roots are starting to show thru!!!
04/12/12
In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10...
I can't for the life of me figure out why this should be important...what it stands for...or who should care...which makes it a perfect target for terminal torture thru verbology...or the study of verbs as they apply to nature...IDK...don't ask...as with all the simple things people seem to take for granted without further ado...I find it necessary to delve a little deeper and try and determine why things of this nature continue to pop up in the American culture...is there any relative significance to this information...or is it simply an advertising gimmick initiated a long time ago that is continued today for a similar reason or reaction...or is it merely something that has continued because the only picture anyone has of a watch at Advertising Compliance Headquarters is broken and constantly displays 10:10...I don't know and I don't care...look it up yourself...I can't do everything for ya...I'm tired and the internet just came back on so I hadta retype this entire thing because I didn't realize early enough that the service had been unexpectedly interrupted...those SOB's in India almost gotta piece of my mind...but then I figured what the hell...let my neioghbors sleep...besides I can find more pleasureable endeavors to stimulate high blood pressure...I don't need to be doin the damn language limbo with Hhhhharacknad at quarter to 4 in the morning...I have more important things to do like try and figure out if its 10:10am or 10:10 pm...could be significant...could be immaterial...one NEVER knows until the final clue is revealed...if it is even discovered at all...I know sometimes you readers are confused...you have NO idea what I'm talking about or which way the commentary is headed...honestly...half the time I don't know either until after I've hit the publish post button and re read the submitted monologue...so just sit back and hang on...it's a wild ride for both of us...but I have the advantage of driving the ship...so I need COMPLETE QUIET...WE WILL GET THERE WHEN WE GET THERE AND NOT A MINUTE SOONER...I've heard that a time or two from my position in the back seat...seems to fit in nicely here...here's the thing...if I were a watchmaker I'd do one of two things...stop advertising watches altogether...or figure out a gimmick that makes the hands of the watch or LCD display change numbers...because believe it or NOT...this little advertising snafu is the primary reason I do NOT own a watch...wear a watch...or rely on a watch for giving me accurate time...if the manufacturer is going to advertise a watch that is stuck on 10:10...WHY would I want one...it only serves a purpose twice a day...aside from that it's an overpriced conversation piece that isn't worth a shit...I mean seriously...think about it...if you opened the automobile advertising section from the Sunday Times with the specific intent of deciding which new vehicles you wanted to go test drive that day and the closest Chevy Dealership had an ad showing all of their vehicles sitting on 2 flat tires...the Ford Dealership has ads showing them being pulled onto a flatbedd from the side of the road...and Dodge showed ads with their vehicles sitting at the pump guzzling gas like a thirsty fat kid hammers a Slurpee...which one would you start with??? Damn right NONE of them...which is why watches are a bad idea...the manufacturers know they run the risk of mechanical and electrical parts failing...that's why they show you upfront...it's TRUTH in advertising...it says...'We want you to buy something that has the possibility of breaking and when...not if...it does...it's gonna look like this...10:10...10:10... 10:10...if its a digital...otherwise it might look something like this...\ /'...and here's the damn thing about it...people still buy the damn things...my days consist of daylight hours and my nights consist of non daylight hours...I don't need a broken watch to tell me that...I mean come on...this is what I mean by paying attention to detail...the best stories and clues are in the tiniest details...people don't realize the watches in these advertisements are being displayed as broken time keeping devices...this is can be used as a very clever ploy for online merchandisers and may serve to put a few wads of ones in a pocket or two of mine as a matter of fact...sell broken watches online...use the 10:10 advertisement...and the caption...' as shown above'...which will thereby absolve you of all legal responsibilities should lawsuits arise from the sale of such merchandise...why NOT...I'm showing broken watches...I'm tellin' ya that ya get what's in the picture...which shows a watch that reads 10:10...sounds pretty legit to me...ya get what ya paid for dumbass...youwant a real time keeping device get ya an old navajo, cherokee, sioux or similar Native American who carries on the traditions of their ancestors sans the white mans liquor...those little devils can tell the time by the sun and the stars...another good way of telling what time it is without using a bulky cumbersome broken watch...is to take note and give special consideration to times when people work...they tend to travel in shifts...which should be evident in traffic patterns within the affected community...how do ya think I knew when it was safe to go home after cuttin' skewl all day...I waited til I saw the skewl bus drive by and drop off kids from my skewl...our daily lives normally revolve around set schedules...with minor alterations from day to day...you don't need a watch...you have an internal clock...and eventually it wakes you up...regardless of how many times you slap the internal snooze button...suddenly and without reason you will sit straight up in bed...look at the clock...and go..."OH F**K...it's 10:10 and I'm late for work!."..then whaddaya do run around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to put your arms thru your pants legs and wondering why your sweater isn't fitting up over your calf...and for what...what's the rush...late is defined as what class??? Not showing up on time...and once you're late does it really matter...HOW late you are??? NOT really...so take your time...stop on the way to work...get a donut...grab some coffee...some cotton balls...and a newspaper...fold the newspaper so that the watch advertisement is facing outward...hold it in a fashion that shields your arm...like a gauntlet so to speak...enter the work place with your donut hanging out of your mouth...your coffee in one hand...and point at your advertised watch as if it were you're own...mumble...'I know...I know...I'm 10 minutes late...didn't get to set my watch back an hour for Daylight Savings...boy am I lucky...I thought I really overslpet'...then just walk to your office or workstation and carry on with your daily duties...if you're supposed to punch in for work don't...then when you punch out at the end of the shift notify your supervisor that you were 10 minutes late for work this morning and you were in such a rush that you forgot to punch in...then it doesn't matter if you're 30 minutes late or 3 hours late...ya get paid for the whole day...and if ya played it just right...NOBODY will pay attention...or at the very least they'll be just as confused as cornbread and you should be safe...see 5 minutes ago I had NO idea this is where we would end up saying goodbye for the day...til we meet again...don't buy watches that display 10:10!!!
I can't for the life of me figure out why this should be important...what it stands for...or who should care...which makes it a perfect target for terminal torture thru verbology...or the study of verbs as they apply to nature...IDK...don't ask...as with all the simple things people seem to take for granted without further ado...I find it necessary to delve a little deeper and try and determine why things of this nature continue to pop up in the American culture...is there any relative significance to this information...or is it simply an advertising gimmick initiated a long time ago that is continued today for a similar reason or reaction...or is it merely something that has continued because the only picture anyone has of a watch at Advertising Compliance Headquarters is broken and constantly displays 10:10...I don't know and I don't care...look it up yourself...I can't do everything for ya...I'm tired and the internet just came back on so I hadta retype this entire thing because I didn't realize early enough that the service had been unexpectedly interrupted...those SOB's in India almost gotta piece of my mind...but then I figured what the hell...let my neioghbors sleep...besides I can find more pleasureable endeavors to stimulate high blood pressure...I don't need to be doin the damn language limbo with Hhhhharacknad at quarter to 4 in the morning...I have more important things to do like try and figure out if its 10:10am or 10:10 pm...could be significant...could be immaterial...one NEVER knows until the final clue is revealed...if it is even discovered at all...I know sometimes you readers are confused...you have NO idea what I'm talking about or which way the commentary is headed...honestly...half the time I don't know either until after I've hit the publish post button and re read the submitted monologue...so just sit back and hang on...it's a wild ride for both of us...but I have the advantage of driving the ship...so I need COMPLETE QUIET...WE WILL GET THERE WHEN WE GET THERE AND NOT A MINUTE SOONER...I've heard that a time or two from my position in the back seat...seems to fit in nicely here...here's the thing...if I were a watchmaker I'd do one of two things...stop advertising watches altogether...or figure out a gimmick that makes the hands of the watch or LCD display change numbers...because believe it or NOT...this little advertising snafu is the primary reason I do NOT own a watch...wear a watch...or rely on a watch for giving me accurate time...if the manufacturer is going to advertise a watch that is stuck on 10:10...WHY would I want one...it only serves a purpose twice a day...aside from that it's an overpriced conversation piece that isn't worth a shit...I mean seriously...think about it...if you opened the automobile advertising section from the Sunday Times with the specific intent of deciding which new vehicles you wanted to go test drive that day and the closest Chevy Dealership had an ad showing all of their vehicles sitting on 2 flat tires...the Ford Dealership has ads showing them being pulled onto a flatbedd from the side of the road...and Dodge showed ads with their vehicles sitting at the pump guzzling gas like a thirsty fat kid hammers a Slurpee...which one would you start with??? Damn right NONE of them...which is why watches are a bad idea...the manufacturers know they run the risk of mechanical and electrical parts failing...that's why they show you upfront...it's TRUTH in advertising...it says...'We want you to buy something that has the possibility of breaking and when...not if...it does...it's gonna look like this...10:10...10:10... 10:10...if its a digital...otherwise it might look something like this...\ /'...and here's the damn thing about it...people still buy the damn things...my days consist of daylight hours and my nights consist of non daylight hours...I don't need a broken watch to tell me that...I mean come on...this is what I mean by paying attention to detail...the best stories and clues are in the tiniest details...people don't realize the watches in these advertisements are being displayed as broken time keeping devices...this is can be used as a very clever ploy for online merchandisers and may serve to put a few wads of ones in a pocket or two of mine as a matter of fact...sell broken watches online...use the 10:10 advertisement...and the caption...' as shown above'...which will thereby absolve you of all legal responsibilities should lawsuits arise from the sale of such merchandise...why NOT...I'm showing broken watches...I'm tellin' ya that ya get what's in the picture...which shows a watch that reads 10:10...sounds pretty legit to me...ya get what ya paid for dumbass...youwant a real time keeping device get ya an old navajo, cherokee, sioux or similar Native American who carries on the traditions of their ancestors sans the white mans liquor...those little devils can tell the time by the sun and the stars...another good way of telling what time it is without using a bulky cumbersome broken watch...is to take note and give special consideration to times when people work...they tend to travel in shifts...which should be evident in traffic patterns within the affected community...how do ya think I knew when it was safe to go home after cuttin' skewl all day...I waited til I saw the skewl bus drive by and drop off kids from my skewl...our daily lives normally revolve around set schedules...with minor alterations from day to day...you don't need a watch...you have an internal clock...and eventually it wakes you up...regardless of how many times you slap the internal snooze button...suddenly and without reason you will sit straight up in bed...look at the clock...and go..."OH F**K...it's 10:10 and I'm late for work!."..then whaddaya do run around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to put your arms thru your pants legs and wondering why your sweater isn't fitting up over your calf...and for what...what's the rush...late is defined as what class??? Not showing up on time...and once you're late does it really matter...HOW late you are??? NOT really...so take your time...stop on the way to work...get a donut...grab some coffee...some cotton balls...and a newspaper...fold the newspaper so that the watch advertisement is facing outward...hold it in a fashion that shields your arm...like a gauntlet so to speak...enter the work place with your donut hanging out of your mouth...your coffee in one hand...and point at your advertised watch as if it were you're own...mumble...'I know...I know...I'm 10 minutes late...didn't get to set my watch back an hour for Daylight Savings...boy am I lucky...I thought I really overslpet'...then just walk to your office or workstation and carry on with your daily duties...if you're supposed to punch in for work don't...then when you punch out at the end of the shift notify your supervisor that you were 10 minutes late for work this morning and you were in such a rush that you forgot to punch in...then it doesn't matter if you're 30 minutes late or 3 hours late...ya get paid for the whole day...and if ya played it just right...NOBODY will pay attention...or at the very least they'll be just as confused as cornbread and you should be safe...see 5 minutes ago I had NO idea this is where we would end up saying goodbye for the day...til we meet again...don't buy watches that display 10:10!!!
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
04/11/12
In ancient Egypt, priests plucked every hair on their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes...
Isn't that a B-E Yootiful mental image...a completely bald and hairless heathen that worshipped the sun... why would you 'pluck' every hair on your body...I'm pretty sure they had invented a much less painful hair removal system by then...like the sharp edge of a knife, spear or arrow...for the love of Ra...why subject yourself to cruel and unusual punishment...I mean there are certain hairs that require plucking because inventions for their removal...lack sufficient applicable surfaces to achieve hair eradication successfully...and then there are certain places where hair should never be plucked...including the EYELASHES...who does that...I mean especially in the desert...where a person is more susceptible to dust and other eye encrusting elements...I mean seriously...what purpose could this serve...it sure wasn't an aesthetically appealing attribute...apparently this was a ritual performed by priests and priestesses... who thought that hair signified impurity and was therefore unacceptable before the gods...that's right folks...that giant ball of fire they called Ra...and that we call the sun... is offeneded by the presence of human body hair...an object it can NEVER come in contact with since the overbearing amount of residual heat will scorch the human body hair aeons before the body gets close enough to the sun to become offensive...I guess you don't have to be dumb to live in the desert... but it obviously doesn't hurt either...I just don't get it I guess...plucking ones body hair so that you are more presentable to the gods of your belief system...seems a little excessive to me...I mean if all the kneeling and praying doesn't get ya street credit with your creator...I'm doubtin' the removal of all your body hair is gonna be the winning ticket for eternal acceptance into the realm of religious acceptance... I mean come on...how much more subservient does a person have to be in order for them to gain entrance into the afterworld...plucking body hair...wrapping dead corpses in super glue and toilet paper...building giant pyramids to protect the oblonged headed pharoahs that enslaved the masses... and for what...an honorable mention on the Ancient Aliens show...YEE HAW...to me it signifies how ridiculous some ancient beliefs as well as some modern ones continue to be...I mean I get the whole history and tradition of organized religions...what I don't get is the undebateable acceptance of these belief systems...in conjunction with the similarities and differences...one of the main problems I have with organized religion is the hypocrisy of the teachings with respect to the animal kingdom...you'll notice for instance that several religions based on the story of Jesus Christ...include at least some mention of the adventures of Noah...the ark building animal wrangler...had to go out and find 2 of every animal...1 of each sex in order to ensure their continued evolution...yet I spent several Sundays sittin in churches wondering why there weren't animals allowed...or included in the service...I mean if we are all gods creatures it stands to reason that we all require the same amount of religious education...then it dawned on me...animals don't have any money...they can't contribute to the basket passing past time and are therefore excluded altogether...sad really...when ya thnk about it...animals are only here to provide nutrition and sustenance for the rest of us...see now people of this religious cult believe it is necessary for a person to attend a place of higher worship at least once a week if not more...while others simply believe they need to rid their bodies of hair...they all believe that an outside force was essential in the creation of all life here on earth...and they're probably right...altho it doesn't appear the whole Annunaki theory...or Planet X hypothesis is going to pan out...I haven't seen any new stars or noticed a shift in the earths gravitational pull...so the question may still remain a complete mystery for millenia to come...I have my own personal opinions and theories on how life came to be on this planet...none of which include a 7 day Global Creation Chart...the worship of the sun...or the removal of body hair thru the painstaking process of plucking...doesn't it make ya wonder sometimes... NOT what life is all about...who cares anyway...by the time you figure it out Alzheimers comes along and steals it...but about what causes people to believe in certain things...when ya stop to think about it...at some point in the history of ancient Egypt...some dipshit fell asleep in the desert during a sandstorm...the strength of a class 5 tornado...woke up without a single hair on their body...returned to their village and when asked about the odd appearance...spun a tale that spawned a religion and required a priest to preside over it...and the first organized religion of Egypt was born...it's the only logical solution that makes sense...people don't just sit around making this stuff up...it has to have a starting point...ya don't just wake up one day...'Hey didja see Habib...he's plucked all of his body hair...calls himself a priest...what's that about'...extreme accidents of this nature require extreme measures...and sometimes once the story snowballs...ya just hafta roll with it...there's no turning back...before ya know it...people are bobbin'...weavin'...kneelin'...and pluckin' all over the planet...it reaches epidemic proportions that no amount of significant evidence proving otherwise can squash... I don't dispute peoples belief systems...it's just that there have been so many religions on this planet...from pagan rituals worshipping the female or feminine...to religions of today that all seem to worship the male or masculine...so it isn't a very easy task trying to identify which one...if any have any truth to them...it can't be as smple as plucking all of our body hair before poppin up at the Pearly Gates...or we're all gonna look pretty damn funny come time to occupy a casket!!!
Isn't that a B-E Yootiful mental image...a completely bald and hairless heathen that worshipped the sun... why would you 'pluck' every hair on your body...I'm pretty sure they had invented a much less painful hair removal system by then...like the sharp edge of a knife, spear or arrow...for the love of Ra...why subject yourself to cruel and unusual punishment...I mean there are certain hairs that require plucking because inventions for their removal...lack sufficient applicable surfaces to achieve hair eradication successfully...and then there are certain places where hair should never be plucked...including the EYELASHES...who does that...I mean especially in the desert...where a person is more susceptible to dust and other eye encrusting elements...I mean seriously...what purpose could this serve...it sure wasn't an aesthetically appealing attribute...apparently this was a ritual performed by priests and priestesses... who thought that hair signified impurity and was therefore unacceptable before the gods...that's right folks...that giant ball of fire they called Ra...and that we call the sun... is offeneded by the presence of human body hair...an object it can NEVER come in contact with since the overbearing amount of residual heat will scorch the human body hair aeons before the body gets close enough to the sun to become offensive...I guess you don't have to be dumb to live in the desert... but it obviously doesn't hurt either...I just don't get it I guess...plucking ones body hair so that you are more presentable to the gods of your belief system...seems a little excessive to me...I mean if all the kneeling and praying doesn't get ya street credit with your creator...I'm doubtin' the removal of all your body hair is gonna be the winning ticket for eternal acceptance into the realm of religious acceptance... I mean come on...how much more subservient does a person have to be in order for them to gain entrance into the afterworld...plucking body hair...wrapping dead corpses in super glue and toilet paper...building giant pyramids to protect the oblonged headed pharoahs that enslaved the masses... and for what...an honorable mention on the Ancient Aliens show...YEE HAW...to me it signifies how ridiculous some ancient beliefs as well as some modern ones continue to be...I mean I get the whole history and tradition of organized religions...what I don't get is the undebateable acceptance of these belief systems...in conjunction with the similarities and differences...one of the main problems I have with organized religion is the hypocrisy of the teachings with respect to the animal kingdom...you'll notice for instance that several religions based on the story of Jesus Christ...include at least some mention of the adventures of Noah...the ark building animal wrangler...had to go out and find 2 of every animal...1 of each sex in order to ensure their continued evolution...yet I spent several Sundays sittin in churches wondering why there weren't animals allowed...or included in the service...I mean if we are all gods creatures it stands to reason that we all require the same amount of religious education...then it dawned on me...animals don't have any money...they can't contribute to the basket passing past time and are therefore excluded altogether...sad really...when ya thnk about it...animals are only here to provide nutrition and sustenance for the rest of us...see now people of this religious cult believe it is necessary for a person to attend a place of higher worship at least once a week if not more...while others simply believe they need to rid their bodies of hair...they all believe that an outside force was essential in the creation of all life here on earth...and they're probably right...altho it doesn't appear the whole Annunaki theory...or Planet X hypothesis is going to pan out...I haven't seen any new stars or noticed a shift in the earths gravitational pull...so the question may still remain a complete mystery for millenia to come...I have my own personal opinions and theories on how life came to be on this planet...none of which include a 7 day Global Creation Chart...the worship of the sun...or the removal of body hair thru the painstaking process of plucking...doesn't it make ya wonder sometimes... NOT what life is all about...who cares anyway...by the time you figure it out Alzheimers comes along and steals it...but about what causes people to believe in certain things...when ya stop to think about it...at some point in the history of ancient Egypt...some dipshit fell asleep in the desert during a sandstorm...the strength of a class 5 tornado...woke up without a single hair on their body...returned to their village and when asked about the odd appearance...spun a tale that spawned a religion and required a priest to preside over it...and the first organized religion of Egypt was born...it's the only logical solution that makes sense...people don't just sit around making this stuff up...it has to have a starting point...ya don't just wake up one day...'Hey didja see Habib...he's plucked all of his body hair...calls himself a priest...what's that about'...extreme accidents of this nature require extreme measures...and sometimes once the story snowballs...ya just hafta roll with it...there's no turning back...before ya know it...people are bobbin'...weavin'...kneelin'...and pluckin' all over the planet...it reaches epidemic proportions that no amount of significant evidence proving otherwise can squash... I don't dispute peoples belief systems...it's just that there have been so many religions on this planet...from pagan rituals worshipping the female or feminine...to religions of today that all seem to worship the male or masculine...so it isn't a very easy task trying to identify which one...if any have any truth to them...it can't be as smple as plucking all of our body hair before poppin up at the Pearly Gates...or we're all gonna look pretty damn funny come time to occupy a casket!!!
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