Banging your head against the wall uses 150 calories an hour...
BULLSHIT!!! Wanna know how I know it's bullshit??? Because relative evidence suggests it doesn't add up...how many health and fitness centers for fat people are there??? Weight Watchers...Adkins... Curves...you name it...and none of them seem to support a head banging theory as a method for removing weight...otherwise that thing floating down the hall that looks like a Goodyear blimp in a 3 piece suit designed for a toddler...would be bangin' it's head all the way to it's office...we wouldn't have an obesity epidemic spilling across fast food parking lots if this shit held any water...course I suppose...if you're devouring meat, poultry and produce in quantities that make them look like crill going down the gullet of a Blue Whale...then there aren't enough hours in a day to compensate for your appetite...ya know what bangin' your head against the wall for an hour does??? IT HURTS LIKE HELL...why do ya think they put helmets on people in mental institutions that have this problem...so they won't HURT themselves...NOBODY sits around drummin' their dome against a wall trying to lose 150 calories before the next big weigh in...however if you happen to be in the top 2 spots on that FLAB-ulous hit show...America's Biggest Loser...and you're 149 calories shy of winning...you might wanna stall for an hour and get a few bumps on that noggin'...try and keep in mind that bangin' your head harder doesn't necessarily equate into greater caloric reductions...it may in fact HURT even worse...so use extreme caution with this dietary method...maybe implement a jogging program to complement the procedure...and ya might wanna let go of one of those whole chickens you're thinkin' of snackin' on...dinner is in an hour...who the hell thought of figuring this dumbass information out...what did some employee at a nut house happen to notice that Slammin' Sally...the head banger from Sarasota...seemed a little thinner after one of her noodle nailin' exercises...put her on the weight scale after each hour and watch the calories drop off...people there are approximately 3500 calories in 1...that's ONE...pound of human body fat...that's 23.33 hours of head banging per pound of body fat...so unless you have suffer from chronic insomnia...this shit isn't gonna work for ya...NOW... SEX on the other hand burns somewhere in the neighborhood of 85 to 90 calories per half hour...there are 48 half hour sessions in a given day...and you don't hafta be a math major to figure out that F**KIN' helps you lose more weight than slammin your head against the wall...now it's up to you which way ya wanna go about doing things...but if it were me...I think I'd concentrate on feeding my fantasies...instead of causing significant ASBS...that's Adult Shaken Baby Syndrome...it's bad enough ya came into this world wearing a bib...with any luck you'll live long enough to go out wearing a bib that's a little bigger...there's NO need for you to go stumbling around with one unnecessarily through mid-life...it's Friday...4/20...new diet program for the weekend...several episodes of sweaty animalistic sexual interaction...brief pauses for oxygen and electrolytes...call into work on Monday and catch up on your rest...and here's a little hint...if you're the only one working at the office Monday mornin'...YOU READ THIS WRONG...and since you require special attention I'm gonna rewrite the chorus to Corrine Bailey Rae's hit song...just for you...Come...get your helmets on...this shouldn't take too long...Dumbass just put your head down!!!
Friday, April 20, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
04/19/12
In 1904 the head of the U.S. patent office said it should close because everything that could possibly be invented had already been invented...
Unfortunately...like most government employees he couldn't have been more wrong...if only it were that simple...what made this DUMBASS so sure everything that was going to be invented had already been invented??? Seriously...what happened...did he run out of patents to write...when he started the job did they tell him...once this book is full...that's it we're done...lock up shop and collect retirement benefits??? You are in charge of handing out patents for inventions...and the steady flow of foot and mail traffic that has been constantly coming and going...hasn't indicated to you that people are still using the creative capacity of their cranial output calculators to concoct new inventions...WTF didja think future generations were going to be content driving around in those old ass cars that only went 30MPH downhill with a tail wind...this guy has got to be related to the BUSH family...because I remember another DUMBASS that stood on the bow of a naval vessel to hold a news conference stating that we had one the war in Iraq and all major military operations had come to a cease...a full...what...8 years and 3.000 + deaths too soon there Charlie...woulda been alot easier to end the war in Iraq when they found the WMD's...OH...that's right...we left empty handed after ten years of unnecessary death and destruction...I mean don't get me wrong...I don't blame the soldiers that were over there fighting...that's what they do...but it's NOT their fault they are misinformed...Military Intelligence is a concept still awaiting patent approval...and apparently they are standing in line at the desk of the dipshit that was in charge back in 1904...waiting for him to return...he ain't comin back because he thinks they were done inventin' shit long long ago...all this idiot had to do was look up the meaning of the damn word...'INVENTION'...which I will attempt to define here without the use of a dictionary...it's the creation of NEW things or ideas...a patent protects these NEW products and IDEAS from being stolen...or used without permission...so either this guy couldn't think for himself...quite possible considering that he was employed by the government and you are forbidden from having inception when you work in any of those departments...if they wanted their employees to have an original thought they'd give it to them...can you imagine if the person in charge of government departments could just say...HEY...that's it we're all done...shut the damn doors...let's PARTY...think of all the money we could save...simply by boycotting their existence for a week and making them believe they were NO longer needed...the IRS would be gone...I'll supply the locks...once we get everything shut down and clean out the White House I say we give it to the homeless...as partial payback...for years of inept service...I mean holy shit...I'd hafta start goin to church on Sunday with Momma...and we all know how that would turn out...boiling holy water and pews stacked against the door...they'd be closed up one way or another...and that would be fine too...I'm pretty sure they would be the oldest violators of patent law...had Constantine had a patent office nearby...I wonder if those DUMBASSES in 1904 actually had a minor shut down of the patent office...it would sure explain why all the products we get today come with the label...patent pending...makes ya wonder if the shit you're buyin' is gonna work...or if you are part of the guinea pig trial period...NO injuries or deaths after a year...APPROVED...I've NEVER been one to claim I understand all the inner workings of goverment...but seriously...ya didn't see the guys at the Department of Energy go bolting for the door...hopin to lock up shop and go home early...when Nuclear Energy was created...didja...and ya know why??? Because they knew their jobs weren't done yet...I don't get it...always puttin the cart before the horse...which expalins why history repeats itself...because if people learned from their mistakes...we wouldn't hafta keep reliving them!!!
Unfortunately...like most government employees he couldn't have been more wrong...if only it were that simple...what made this DUMBASS so sure everything that was going to be invented had already been invented??? Seriously...what happened...did he run out of patents to write...when he started the job did they tell him...once this book is full...that's it we're done...lock up shop and collect retirement benefits??? You are in charge of handing out patents for inventions...and the steady flow of foot and mail traffic that has been constantly coming and going...hasn't indicated to you that people are still using the creative capacity of their cranial output calculators to concoct new inventions...WTF didja think future generations were going to be content driving around in those old ass cars that only went 30MPH downhill with a tail wind...this guy has got to be related to the BUSH family...because I remember another DUMBASS that stood on the bow of a naval vessel to hold a news conference stating that we had one the war in Iraq and all major military operations had come to a cease...a full...what...8 years and 3.000 + deaths too soon there Charlie...woulda been alot easier to end the war in Iraq when they found the WMD's...OH...that's right...we left empty handed after ten years of unnecessary death and destruction...I mean don't get me wrong...I don't blame the soldiers that were over there fighting...that's what they do...but it's NOT their fault they are misinformed...Military Intelligence is a concept still awaiting patent approval...and apparently they are standing in line at the desk of the dipshit that was in charge back in 1904...waiting for him to return...he ain't comin back because he thinks they were done inventin' shit long long ago...all this idiot had to do was look up the meaning of the damn word...'INVENTION'...which I will attempt to define here without the use of a dictionary...it's the creation of NEW things or ideas...a patent protects these NEW products and IDEAS from being stolen...or used without permission...so either this guy couldn't think for himself...quite possible considering that he was employed by the government and you are forbidden from having inception when you work in any of those departments...if they wanted their employees to have an original thought they'd give it to them...can you imagine if the person in charge of government departments could just say...HEY...that's it we're all done...shut the damn doors...let's PARTY...think of all the money we could save...simply by boycotting their existence for a week and making them believe they were NO longer needed...the IRS would be gone...I'll supply the locks...once we get everything shut down and clean out the White House I say we give it to the homeless...as partial payback...for years of inept service...I mean holy shit...I'd hafta start goin to church on Sunday with Momma...and we all know how that would turn out...boiling holy water and pews stacked against the door...they'd be closed up one way or another...and that would be fine too...I'm pretty sure they would be the oldest violators of patent law...had Constantine had a patent office nearby...I wonder if those DUMBASSES in 1904 actually had a minor shut down of the patent office...it would sure explain why all the products we get today come with the label...patent pending...makes ya wonder if the shit you're buyin' is gonna work...or if you are part of the guinea pig trial period...NO injuries or deaths after a year...APPROVED...I've NEVER been one to claim I understand all the inner workings of goverment...but seriously...ya didn't see the guys at the Department of Energy go bolting for the door...hopin to lock up shop and go home early...when Nuclear Energy was created...didja...and ya know why??? Because they knew their jobs weren't done yet...I don't get it...always puttin the cart before the horse...which expalins why history repeats itself...because if people learned from their mistakes...we wouldn't hafta keep reliving them!!!
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
04/18/12
The first dog ever fitted with contact lenses was hit by a car the day after he was fitted with them...
If this surprises you at all...STOP what you are doing and pay attention...DOGS...as well as other less intelligent life forms in the animal kingdom...have significantly less vision than humans do...therefore until Doogie Bowser, DOG MD graduates from Harvard while he's still a puppy and learns how to manufacture contact lenses for his species...I'm gonna stand by my theory that what works on humans...doesn't work on pets...guess why??? I know...and the damn thing of it is...I NEVER spent a single dime of my parents money on a wasted medical education...it's because they are NOT created the same way we are...and they are unable to communicate correctly and efficiently...which leads me to wonder just what the hell the optometrist performing this function thought he was gonna accomplish...I mean what the hell makes ya thing that giving a damn dog an eye test is gonna provide you with the necessary information required to prescribe contacts...I can see it now...read the first line Duke...Woof...and now the second line...woof...woof...and the third line...can you read that one...woof...woof...(whimper...whimper)...woof...NOPE...looks like you blind as the bat I had in here last week...then ya jam contact lenses into his pupils...and what...send him out the door without a seeing eye human...of course he is gonna get hit by a car...stupid damn dog probably lost a contact lens in the middle of the street while he was chasing a ball...why do you think they put racing horses down when they get injured...because prosthetics aren't suitable for horses...ya know where this idiot graduated from medical school...Cal-Tech's LSD institution of HIGHer learning...because just like those dipshits we mentioned yesterday that thought they were playing music and making movies...you don't make unsound medical decisions when you are sober...I mean for all this dumbass knows...he got the prescription wrong and the poor dog stumbled out into the road...while the whole time he thought he was in the backyard with Jake the cat...who by the way was sitting on the fence by the road...grinning from ear to ear...whispering...NO...over here Duke...that is about the dumbest thing I have ever heard...contact lenses for dogs...or any pets for that matter...makes me wanna get my good clothes on and go sit in the woods at night howling at Squatches...I hadda blind cat once...you know what I did to help his vision...I opened the door when he wanted to go out...or come in...same as I would do for any of my pets regardless of vision problems...because here's the thing...I like every one of my pets...but they are replaceable...and until Veterinarian visits start resulting in prices less than that of a bullet...I'm gonna stick to my guns and let the little bastards fend for themselves...not children...I'm NOT gonna spend thousands of dollars at some dipshits office making sure my pet is in good health...especially a DOG...they eat their own shit...there isn't any amount of medical attention gonna solve that problem...premature death seems evident...and if it just so happens it's a blind pet I'm NOT particularly fond of...the last thing I'm gonna do is buy it corrective eyewear...I'm probably hopin' it won't come back home...I know I'm the cruel...cold hearted ...mad bastard...up north to most of you folks...but this kinda shit pisses me off...10 to 1 odds the owner of this particular dog...spent hundreds if not thousands of dollars on trying to help his pet see better...yet turned up his nose at broke ass Joe on the street corner...who lost his legs and job 8 months ago...due to a roadside bomb in Fallujah...lost his wife and kids 6 months after that...and is struggling to make ends meet while living in a cardboard box with all the other disabled veterans our government has swept under the rug...on top of that...I'm bettin' this particular pet owner hasn't made one significant contribution to society... as a matter of fact their probably a trust fund baby that inherited all of their money and hasn't had a single grain of filth beneath their fingernails...these people make me sick...and I've known a few of them in my lifetime...knew a family once...spent $3,000 on corrective surgery for their Great Dane because it had hip displaysia...their daughter on the other hand was denied the oral equipment she required in the form of braces...and was allowed to continue being ridiculed at school for having a mangle mouth...we don't communicate anymore...I guess my opinion of...WTF guys get your priorities straight...wasn't very well appreciated...and honestly I couldn't give a shit less...I need more f**ktards in my life...like I need the federal government combing thru my ass hairs with a hog hair toothbrush...what is it with humans anyway...why are they so compassionate towards animals on the one hand...and so violent against them on the other...I mean for instance...if your dog can't see...you run out and try to get it contact lenses...but if your dog bites somebody in self defense...everybody wants to kill it...they're f**kin animals you idiots...they have issues just like we do...if you beat your pet for being disobedient or acting aggressively towards others you end up in jail for animal abuse...yet if you don't control your pet and they attack somebody...you go to jail for neglecting to control your pet...it's ridiculous...I don't get it...if you buy something from a store...take it home and enjoy it for several years before it develops a problem that is irreparable...whaddaya do with it...toss it out and get a new one...you don't keep paying to try and fix the old one...it's the same with pets...they are going to die eventually and require replacement...save your money and buy a better model next time...and for the love of all creatures...STOP trying to perform procedures on them that can NEVER be proven to work...and repay your parents...they worked hard for that money you wasted!!!
If this surprises you at all...STOP what you are doing and pay attention...DOGS...as well as other less intelligent life forms in the animal kingdom...have significantly less vision than humans do...therefore until Doogie Bowser, DOG MD graduates from Harvard while he's still a puppy and learns how to manufacture contact lenses for his species...I'm gonna stand by my theory that what works on humans...doesn't work on pets...guess why??? I know...and the damn thing of it is...I NEVER spent a single dime of my parents money on a wasted medical education...it's because they are NOT created the same way we are...and they are unable to communicate correctly and efficiently...which leads me to wonder just what the hell the optometrist performing this function thought he was gonna accomplish...I mean what the hell makes ya thing that giving a damn dog an eye test is gonna provide you with the necessary information required to prescribe contacts...I can see it now...read the first line Duke...Woof...and now the second line...woof...woof...and the third line...can you read that one...woof...woof...(whimper...whimper)...woof...NOPE...looks like you blind as the bat I had in here last week...then ya jam contact lenses into his pupils...and what...send him out the door without a seeing eye human...of course he is gonna get hit by a car...stupid damn dog probably lost a contact lens in the middle of the street while he was chasing a ball...why do you think they put racing horses down when they get injured...because prosthetics aren't suitable for horses...ya know where this idiot graduated from medical school...Cal-Tech's LSD institution of HIGHer learning...because just like those dipshits we mentioned yesterday that thought they were playing music and making movies...you don't make unsound medical decisions when you are sober...I mean for all this dumbass knows...he got the prescription wrong and the poor dog stumbled out into the road...while the whole time he thought he was in the backyard with Jake the cat...who by the way was sitting on the fence by the road...grinning from ear to ear...whispering...NO...over here Duke...that is about the dumbest thing I have ever heard...contact lenses for dogs...or any pets for that matter...makes me wanna get my good clothes on and go sit in the woods at night howling at Squatches...I hadda blind cat once...you know what I did to help his vision...I opened the door when he wanted to go out...or come in...same as I would do for any of my pets regardless of vision problems...because here's the thing...I like every one of my pets...but they are replaceable...and until Veterinarian visits start resulting in prices less than that of a bullet...I'm gonna stick to my guns and let the little bastards fend for themselves...not children...I'm NOT gonna spend thousands of dollars at some dipshits office making sure my pet is in good health...especially a DOG...they eat their own shit...there isn't any amount of medical attention gonna solve that problem...premature death seems evident...and if it just so happens it's a blind pet I'm NOT particularly fond of...the last thing I'm gonna do is buy it corrective eyewear...I'm probably hopin' it won't come back home...I know I'm the cruel...cold hearted ...mad bastard...up north to most of you folks...but this kinda shit pisses me off...10 to 1 odds the owner of this particular dog...spent hundreds if not thousands of dollars on trying to help his pet see better...yet turned up his nose at broke ass Joe on the street corner...who lost his legs and job 8 months ago...due to a roadside bomb in Fallujah...lost his wife and kids 6 months after that...and is struggling to make ends meet while living in a cardboard box with all the other disabled veterans our government has swept under the rug...on top of that...I'm bettin' this particular pet owner hasn't made one significant contribution to society... as a matter of fact their probably a trust fund baby that inherited all of their money and hasn't had a single grain of filth beneath their fingernails...these people make me sick...and I've known a few of them in my lifetime...knew a family once...spent $3,000 on corrective surgery for their Great Dane because it had hip displaysia...their daughter on the other hand was denied the oral equipment she required in the form of braces...and was allowed to continue being ridiculed at school for having a mangle mouth...we don't communicate anymore...I guess my opinion of...WTF guys get your priorities straight...wasn't very well appreciated...and honestly I couldn't give a shit less...I need more f**ktards in my life...like I need the federal government combing thru my ass hairs with a hog hair toothbrush...what is it with humans anyway...why are they so compassionate towards animals on the one hand...and so violent against them on the other...I mean for instance...if your dog can't see...you run out and try to get it contact lenses...but if your dog bites somebody in self defense...everybody wants to kill it...they're f**kin animals you idiots...they have issues just like we do...if you beat your pet for being disobedient or acting aggressively towards others you end up in jail for animal abuse...yet if you don't control your pet and they attack somebody...you go to jail for neglecting to control your pet...it's ridiculous...I don't get it...if you buy something from a store...take it home and enjoy it for several years before it develops a problem that is irreparable...whaddaya do with it...toss it out and get a new one...you don't keep paying to try and fix the old one...it's the same with pets...they are going to die eventually and require replacement...save your money and buy a better model next time...and for the love of all creatures...STOP trying to perform procedures on them that can NEVER be proven to work...and repay your parents...they worked hard for that money you wasted!!!
04/17/12
Up until 1967, LSD was legal in California...
Ya know...I really didn't need this tidbit to inform me of the drug laws in California...in the late 1960's... that entire state was one big ass bag full of toxic material back then...have ya heard some of the music... my god if it LSD hadn't been legal half that shit would still be sittin on record store shelves... I hate it when people misidentify good music from that era...sure there were some super hit songs by Jimi Hendrix...The Doors...The Animals...and my all time favorite band to ever take a stage...anywhere in the world...Pink Floyd...but come on...listen to the whole album...if those guys weren't trippin' their balls off then the audience had to be...because you don't put together music like that when you're sober...look at Ozzy Osbourne...a founding member of Black Sabbath...did so many drugs ya need a damn translator to understand him...and why is it like that with some of these singers...they come from England or some other foreign country...sing in perfect english...and then mumble incoherently when they're speaking...for fuck's sake...if ya can sing the damn words so I can understand them...can't ya at least attempt to speak the same way...and look at The Beatles...they experimented with so many drugs in so many different cultures...they NEVER had a good song...that band absolutely sucked ass...I'm sorry folks but the truth needs to be told...they sucked ass...yeah... yeah...yeah...they even titled a song...Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds...for the drug...LSD...they had NO talent...the lyrics were so simple...you knew the entire song after hearing it once...the boys in Pink Floyd were so whacked outta their skulls they actually put together a tune titled...Several species of small furry animals gathered together in a cave and grooving with a pict...WTF is that...and the movies from that era...who was in charge of special effects back in that day...Dennis Hopper...I mean seriously look at some of the really old episodes of Star Trek...I swear those are flashlights being used as the twin propulsion units on top of the Enterprise...I mean really...California was the first state to legalize marijuana for medicinal use...because as we all know by now...Cali isn't a recreational state... hell NO...old people on pot go there to die...RIGHT...and the Pope is Protestant...LSD...regardless of what you may hear about the drug...is a synthetic man made product...designed by the C.I.A....with the governements consent and financial backing...kinda makes ya wonder just how the f**k our government operates...who invents a drug...a dangerous drug...one capable of inducing death...releases it to the general public thru the black market...and then decides to host a War On Drugs...it's NO f**kin wonder the national deficit is increasing at speeds close to that of light itself...I mean hell... how effective is a War On Drugs...you're spending money on covert programs like the C.I.A and D.E.A. so they can smuggle drugs into the country...disburse them...and then try and find them...that;s kinda like loading a gun...spinning around blindfolded...firing a round off into the air...and trying to find it years later...unless I missed something...this country should consider legalizing all drugs...I think about it...China and India are kicking our ass in propogation of population...seriously...we are in a slow foot race for third place...both these countries possess ethnic groups or religious sects that smoke Opium...and what do we have...a buncha potsmokers in prison...I mean come on...and our country allows companies that operate within it borders to farm out customer service call centers to a buncha Opium Den deliquents that can't annunciate a damn thing...here's an idea...bring jobs back to America...train the 90% of non violent...potsmoking prisoners within the system how to take calls and give them a shot at getting a job when they get out...instead of teaching them how to press license plates...there isn't much of a use for that on the outside...ya know who presses license plates...other than state run correctional facility attendees...former correctional facility attendees from the state of California that are strung out on LSD...you can usually find them at entertainment venues...like the county fair...or town festival...they travel across the country like gypsies all year long...setting up shop in a little stand they set up...and make personalized license plates for a price...because that's all they know how to do...the only difference is that on the outside they can make $15.00 or more per plate...as opposed to $0.14 an hour on the inside per how many plates an hour...and you silly bastards thought slavery had been abolished...it's just been renamed...it's called Penal Employment in this day and age... tricky bastards aren't they...and you know why most people don't catch on to these little things...9 times out of 10 it's from...Lack of Simple Detection of the evidence put before you...if the government wasn't in control of the media they wouldn't be able to cover-up...or spin their involvement in so many conflicting interests...and all of the illegal shit it carries out on a daily basis...personally I hope I live long enough to see it fall from within...before we end up being owned by every country that has a dollar to spare...maybe the U.S. Constitution has served it's purpose and it and every law ever established by it should be abolished...start over...that's how you fix a major f**k up...you don't just keep puttin band-aids on bullet wounds...they can't stop the bleeding...and here's a little hint for future biochemical developments...when you invent a drug or virus...and slip it into the mainstream population...let's make it something useful...let's say a drug that makes stupid people all over the world instant winners on...Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader...and here's the catch...you hafta get elected into a political position...elect to pursue a legal career...a medical career...or hunt for Bigfoot in order to get a prescription for these pills...paranormal investigators will also be given special consideration for prescriptions...after the age of 7...I'll tell ya what...ya don't wanna see me in charge of this mess...I'd close the borders...fire the senators and congressmen...use that windfall of money to employ some of the most violent people I can find to protect our borders...they get bonuses for one shot-one kill confirmations...you want to come into this country there will be one airport...located right in the heart of Hicksville, USA...let's see your smart ass get past the hillbillies from Deliverance...why was LSD made illegal in California in 1967??? That's the better question...because it got into the wrong hands...the government wanted to use it for psych-ops...against foreign POW's...and secret agents...in order to get them to divulge information...apparently thinking that causing a human being to hallucinate could somehow scare them into telling the truth...little did they know that people who are hallucinating...DON'T know the truth...they have lost touch with reality...DUMBASS...whether chemically induced or from breaks in the individual psyche...the fact that the truth is floating across the room in the form of a pink elephant with a dripping rainbow snout..should lead anyone taking the new...DIPSHIT SHOT...immediately recognize this little fact...long before experimenting with these kinds of Lazy assed Systems for Detecting the...TRUTH!!!
Ya know...I really didn't need this tidbit to inform me of the drug laws in California...in the late 1960's... that entire state was one big ass bag full of toxic material back then...have ya heard some of the music... my god if it LSD hadn't been legal half that shit would still be sittin on record store shelves... I hate it when people misidentify good music from that era...sure there were some super hit songs by Jimi Hendrix...The Doors...The Animals...and my all time favorite band to ever take a stage...anywhere in the world...Pink Floyd...but come on...listen to the whole album...if those guys weren't trippin' their balls off then the audience had to be...because you don't put together music like that when you're sober...look at Ozzy Osbourne...a founding member of Black Sabbath...did so many drugs ya need a damn translator to understand him...and why is it like that with some of these singers...they come from England or some other foreign country...sing in perfect english...and then mumble incoherently when they're speaking...for fuck's sake...if ya can sing the damn words so I can understand them...can't ya at least attempt to speak the same way...and look at The Beatles...they experimented with so many drugs in so many different cultures...they NEVER had a good song...that band absolutely sucked ass...I'm sorry folks but the truth needs to be told...they sucked ass...yeah... yeah...yeah...they even titled a song...Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds...for the drug...LSD...they had NO talent...the lyrics were so simple...you knew the entire song after hearing it once...the boys in Pink Floyd were so whacked outta their skulls they actually put together a tune titled...Several species of small furry animals gathered together in a cave and grooving with a pict...WTF is that...and the movies from that era...who was in charge of special effects back in that day...Dennis Hopper...I mean seriously look at some of the really old episodes of Star Trek...I swear those are flashlights being used as the twin propulsion units on top of the Enterprise...I mean really...California was the first state to legalize marijuana for medicinal use...because as we all know by now...Cali isn't a recreational state... hell NO...old people on pot go there to die...RIGHT...and the Pope is Protestant...LSD...regardless of what you may hear about the drug...is a synthetic man made product...designed by the C.I.A....with the governements consent and financial backing...kinda makes ya wonder just how the f**k our government operates...who invents a drug...a dangerous drug...one capable of inducing death...releases it to the general public thru the black market...and then decides to host a War On Drugs...it's NO f**kin wonder the national deficit is increasing at speeds close to that of light itself...I mean hell... how effective is a War On Drugs...you're spending money on covert programs like the C.I.A and D.E.A. so they can smuggle drugs into the country...disburse them...and then try and find them...that;s kinda like loading a gun...spinning around blindfolded...firing a round off into the air...and trying to find it years later...unless I missed something...this country should consider legalizing all drugs...I think about it...China and India are kicking our ass in propogation of population...seriously...we are in a slow foot race for third place...both these countries possess ethnic groups or religious sects that smoke Opium...and what do we have...a buncha potsmokers in prison...I mean come on...and our country allows companies that operate within it borders to farm out customer service call centers to a buncha Opium Den deliquents that can't annunciate a damn thing...here's an idea...bring jobs back to America...train the 90% of non violent...potsmoking prisoners within the system how to take calls and give them a shot at getting a job when they get out...instead of teaching them how to press license plates...there isn't much of a use for that on the outside...ya know who presses license plates...other than state run correctional facility attendees...former correctional facility attendees from the state of California that are strung out on LSD...you can usually find them at entertainment venues...like the county fair...or town festival...they travel across the country like gypsies all year long...setting up shop in a little stand they set up...and make personalized license plates for a price...because that's all they know how to do...the only difference is that on the outside they can make $15.00 or more per plate...as opposed to $0.14 an hour on the inside per how many plates an hour...and you silly bastards thought slavery had been abolished...it's just been renamed...it's called Penal Employment in this day and age... tricky bastards aren't they...and you know why most people don't catch on to these little things...9 times out of 10 it's from...Lack of Simple Detection of the evidence put before you...if the government wasn't in control of the media they wouldn't be able to cover-up...or spin their involvement in so many conflicting interests...and all of the illegal shit it carries out on a daily basis...personally I hope I live long enough to see it fall from within...before we end up being owned by every country that has a dollar to spare...maybe the U.S. Constitution has served it's purpose and it and every law ever established by it should be abolished...start over...that's how you fix a major f**k up...you don't just keep puttin band-aids on bullet wounds...they can't stop the bleeding...and here's a little hint for future biochemical developments...when you invent a drug or virus...and slip it into the mainstream population...let's make it something useful...let's say a drug that makes stupid people all over the world instant winners on...Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader...and here's the catch...you hafta get elected into a political position...elect to pursue a legal career...a medical career...or hunt for Bigfoot in order to get a prescription for these pills...paranormal investigators will also be given special consideration for prescriptions...after the age of 7...I'll tell ya what...ya don't wanna see me in charge of this mess...I'd close the borders...fire the senators and congressmen...use that windfall of money to employ some of the most violent people I can find to protect our borders...they get bonuses for one shot-one kill confirmations...you want to come into this country there will be one airport...located right in the heart of Hicksville, USA...let's see your smart ass get past the hillbillies from Deliverance...why was LSD made illegal in California in 1967??? That's the better question...because it got into the wrong hands...the government wanted to use it for psych-ops...against foreign POW's...and secret agents...in order to get them to divulge information...apparently thinking that causing a human being to hallucinate could somehow scare them into telling the truth...little did they know that people who are hallucinating...DON'T know the truth...they have lost touch with reality...DUMBASS...whether chemically induced or from breaks in the individual psyche...the fact that the truth is floating across the room in the form of a pink elephant with a dripping rainbow snout..should lead anyone taking the new...DIPSHIT SHOT...immediately recognize this little fact...long before experimenting with these kinds of Lazy assed Systems for Detecting the...TRUTH!!!
Monday, April 16, 2012
04/16/12
The yo-yo was originally a weapon in the Philippines...
Well now ya know...cat's outta the bag...the real reason we got involved in the South Pacific during WWII...apparently the further away from actual civilization a culture is...the deeper the well of incestuous ideas...I mean what else explains it...NOBODY else looked at the yo-yo and thought...WOW MOM thanks for the loaded weapon...NOW I have the advantage over...who...what...other kids that don't have yo-yos...animals that can't run for their lives...I mean WTF were ya thinkin'...Philippino Kung Fu...know why you've NEVER heard of it...because some dumbass thought using toys as tools of torture was a good idea...I had one of those wooden paddles with a rubber ball stapled to it when I was younger...didn't see me runnin the streets tryin to put the Smack Down on anybody didja...NO...and ya know why??? Because I know a damn toy when I see one...seriously...how did they think they were going to defend themselves with a had piece of plastic retrievable by a tightly wound string...what were they gonna...'Rock the Cradle'...somebody to death... just when ya think you've heard it all...up pops a peanut munchin pork belly from the pacific island of the Philippines that just makes ya wanna run around slobberin' while pissin your pants...just to know what it feels like to be that damn stupid...I mean holy crap I've heard of some pretty weird crap regarding the evolution of weaponary...but a yo-yo is a yo-yo...its slightly more dangerous than a slinky...if you let somebody give you a BOO-BOO with a yo-yo...or a slinky for that matter...shove your head in the toilet and flush repeatedly...you NO longer deserve to walk among the erect earthlings ya damn mush melon...where do you come up with an idea like the yo-yo weapon...and how pray tell do you market this deadly item...I'm NOT kiddin'...who bought this damn thing thinkin they could inflict pain or serious bodily injury...I mean common sense says that a 5 year old kid with a pocketful of rocks and a weeks worth of time behind a slingshot has the upper hand on your dumb yo-yo totin' ass...the yo-yo as a weapon is only useful in close combat situations...and even then it has not pointed projectile or sharpened edge...it's a damn yo-yo...round in nature and normally made of plastic or wood...however I suppose one milled out of metal if they looked hard enough...so what possible damage could it inflict...bruising...have ya ever tried to sling a yo-yo at somebody with any accuracy...it's impossible unless you sneak up and hit them unexpectedly...if they can see it coming they can normally avoid it by taking a few steps backwards...unless of course they happen to be a kangaroo or an emu...in which case...David the yo-yo slayer is probably gonna have your ass for dinner NO matter how big you are...damn it...I'm sorry...that story was from the Philistines...NOT the Philippines...but same idea...I've known quite a few Philippino people in my life...and NOT once has any of them ever looked me in the eye and said...'Today you die...Duncan or Wham-O...choose your weapon'...nor did they appear to possess the killer instinct and talent one would assume should be present in any member of the underground death squad known as the Yo-Yo Yakuza...I don't know about you folks...but if I'm ever in the Philippines and somebody tries to carjack me with a damn yo-yo Imma hold onto the string and drive away...this is probably directly responsible for the failed Philippino Inter Stellar Space Program Orbiting Outer Regions...or P.I.S.S.P.O.O.R. as it is commonly called in global communities...kinda hard to compete with countries that are launching satellites and shuttles into space to conduct research...when all you have is a fistful of damp bottle rockets...even the best ones are incapable of escaping the earths gravitational forces...much like the failed yo-yo weapon of yore...they tend to come crashing back close to a location they were launched from...proper protective gear...including a drool bib...should be used by all those unfamiliar with their function or intended use...helmets and goggles are also available in matching colors for the fashion conscious feeble minded yo-yo flingin' Philippino foot soldier...place your orders ahead of time and get a nice bottomless paper sack for the Halloween season...if stupid is as stupid does...then showing up to a cock slinging contest armed with a yo-yo...is sure to get more than a few chuckles...ya might wanna leave the real fighting to those that have established a military presence on your little rock...could keep ya from bein' somebody elses underwear washers!!!
Well now ya know...cat's outta the bag...the real reason we got involved in the South Pacific during WWII...apparently the further away from actual civilization a culture is...the deeper the well of incestuous ideas...I mean what else explains it...NOBODY else looked at the yo-yo and thought...WOW MOM thanks for the loaded weapon...NOW I have the advantage over...who...what...other kids that don't have yo-yos...animals that can't run for their lives...I mean WTF were ya thinkin'...Philippino Kung Fu...know why you've NEVER heard of it...because some dumbass thought using toys as tools of torture was a good idea...I had one of those wooden paddles with a rubber ball stapled to it when I was younger...didn't see me runnin the streets tryin to put the Smack Down on anybody didja...NO...and ya know why??? Because I know a damn toy when I see one...seriously...how did they think they were going to defend themselves with a had piece of plastic retrievable by a tightly wound string...what were they gonna...'Rock the Cradle'...somebody to death... just when ya think you've heard it all...up pops a peanut munchin pork belly from the pacific island of the Philippines that just makes ya wanna run around slobberin' while pissin your pants...just to know what it feels like to be that damn stupid...I mean holy crap I've heard of some pretty weird crap regarding the evolution of weaponary...but a yo-yo is a yo-yo...its slightly more dangerous than a slinky...if you let somebody give you a BOO-BOO with a yo-yo...or a slinky for that matter...shove your head in the toilet and flush repeatedly...you NO longer deserve to walk among the erect earthlings ya damn mush melon...where do you come up with an idea like the yo-yo weapon...and how pray tell do you market this deadly item...I'm NOT kiddin'...who bought this damn thing thinkin they could inflict pain or serious bodily injury...I mean common sense says that a 5 year old kid with a pocketful of rocks and a weeks worth of time behind a slingshot has the upper hand on your dumb yo-yo totin' ass...the yo-yo as a weapon is only useful in close combat situations...and even then it has not pointed projectile or sharpened edge...it's a damn yo-yo...round in nature and normally made of plastic or wood...however I suppose one milled out of metal if they looked hard enough...so what possible damage could it inflict...bruising...have ya ever tried to sling a yo-yo at somebody with any accuracy...it's impossible unless you sneak up and hit them unexpectedly...if they can see it coming they can normally avoid it by taking a few steps backwards...unless of course they happen to be a kangaroo or an emu...in which case...David the yo-yo slayer is probably gonna have your ass for dinner NO matter how big you are...damn it...I'm sorry...that story was from the Philistines...NOT the Philippines...but same idea...I've known quite a few Philippino people in my life...and NOT once has any of them ever looked me in the eye and said...'Today you die...Duncan or Wham-O...choose your weapon'...nor did they appear to possess the killer instinct and talent one would assume should be present in any member of the underground death squad known as the Yo-Yo Yakuza...I don't know about you folks...but if I'm ever in the Philippines and somebody tries to carjack me with a damn yo-yo Imma hold onto the string and drive away...this is probably directly responsible for the failed Philippino Inter Stellar Space Program Orbiting Outer Regions...or P.I.S.S.P.O.O.R. as it is commonly called in global communities...kinda hard to compete with countries that are launching satellites and shuttles into space to conduct research...when all you have is a fistful of damp bottle rockets...even the best ones are incapable of escaping the earths gravitational forces...much like the failed yo-yo weapon of yore...they tend to come crashing back close to a location they were launched from...proper protective gear...including a drool bib...should be used by all those unfamiliar with their function or intended use...helmets and goggles are also available in matching colors for the fashion conscious feeble minded yo-yo flingin' Philippino foot soldier...place your orders ahead of time and get a nice bottomless paper sack for the Halloween season...if stupid is as stupid does...then showing up to a cock slinging contest armed with a yo-yo...is sure to get more than a few chuckles...ya might wanna leave the real fighting to those that have established a military presence on your little rock...could keep ya from bein' somebody elses underwear washers!!!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
04/13/12
There are an odd number of steps in every staircase in Thailand...
Here's a very interesting aspect that the original author failed to include in this catastrophic commentary regarding staircases in Thailand...it isn't a local superstition...it has no importance in Thai society...and as a matter of fact is more of an International tradition among craftsmen than anything else. Count the steps in any staircase you come across...and guess what...9 times out of 10...the sum will total an odd number... which means one of two things people...either damn near everybody that has ever bulit an inclined stepping device utilized to gain access to locations above or below them...adheres to the same time honored tradition that has been handed down thru the centuries...or the people of Thailand build every damn staircase in the world...I'll let you decide...now most of you may not be familiar with the construction process of new homes...and therefore haven't a clue as to what ethnicity the people that built your staircase come from...I have personally spent countless hours in several fields within the construction industry...and lemme assure you there are very few Thai stair builders working here in America...and I would hafta venture a guess it's the same situation in every other country except...Thailand...this leads me to believe that craftsmen here in the states were informed of this design decision thru other methods...like learning them from the non Thai mentor that hired them...go to the nearest stairwell and count the steps in a flight of stairs...was it odd...or even...or are you having trouble deciding which area is compatible or categorized as a step...here lemme help you...those smaller things that continue to incline or decline at equidistant intervals...those are steps...the bigger platforms that are used for turning to take another flight or as entranceways and exits for a specific floor are called landings...landings are only counted once...so do not count the landing you are standing on to perform the mind boggling math problem if you count the one at the top or bottom of the flight...counting both landings only serves to confuse the countee further...and people...although it is Friday and I would love NOTHING more than to spend the entire day finger sliding different colored beads across an antiquated abicus...I have other things that are more pressing...like locating or constructing the world's first even numbered stairwell...do ya know when stairs play an important part of my life and require counting??? When the asshole that built the damn building didn't have the foresight or financial means to incorporate elevators or escalators...aside from that they are insignificant...sadly there are probably several things I will NEVER see...up close and personally...because of this very reason...stair climbing falls just behind and slightly to the left of running...on the list of activities I attempt to avoid at all costs...I am NEVER late enough...NOR in a big enough hurry to get somewhere...that I feel the urge or necessity to run...the same can be said for stairs...there are other idiots that will ascend them as high as they go...if these morons have the capacity and capability to use one or more of their arms and hands...they can take pictures and I will be more than happy to view them upon their descent...I don't even like the fact that my house has a small set of stairs at the front and rear...it's a pain in the ass of epic proportions...the last thing I wanna do is hafta carry shit up or down stairs...although I must say...if given the option I would rather be headed in a steady downward angle...it is much easier to catch the weight of your body on each descending step than it is to lift your entire body weight up to the next level...NOW don't spend the rest of the day counting steps on stairs...you're sure to make a mistake along the way and stumble on another important fact associated with staircase step counting...there are far too many of them to matter...and here's something you blonde readers are going to want to pay extra special attention to...if the stairwell includes several flights of stairs...and they are all included in the same building...chances are they all have the same amount of steps...you can quit counting them by the 5th floor...hey it's NOT my fault they require special instructions...they're BLONDE...have a great weekend...and when you leave the building this afternoon...if you are fortunate enough to come across some dumbass counting steps...slap them on the back and start shouting out random digits on your way down to the exit...4...8...54...12...3...7...if NOTHING else you will confuse them long enough to get a head start on your weekend...if they are still there on Monday buy them some hair dye...the roots are starting to show thru!!!
Here's a very interesting aspect that the original author failed to include in this catastrophic commentary regarding staircases in Thailand...it isn't a local superstition...it has no importance in Thai society...and as a matter of fact is more of an International tradition among craftsmen than anything else. Count the steps in any staircase you come across...and guess what...9 times out of 10...the sum will total an odd number... which means one of two things people...either damn near everybody that has ever bulit an inclined stepping device utilized to gain access to locations above or below them...adheres to the same time honored tradition that has been handed down thru the centuries...or the people of Thailand build every damn staircase in the world...I'll let you decide...now most of you may not be familiar with the construction process of new homes...and therefore haven't a clue as to what ethnicity the people that built your staircase come from...I have personally spent countless hours in several fields within the construction industry...and lemme assure you there are very few Thai stair builders working here in America...and I would hafta venture a guess it's the same situation in every other country except...Thailand...this leads me to believe that craftsmen here in the states were informed of this design decision thru other methods...like learning them from the non Thai mentor that hired them...go to the nearest stairwell and count the steps in a flight of stairs...was it odd...or even...or are you having trouble deciding which area is compatible or categorized as a step...here lemme help you...those smaller things that continue to incline or decline at equidistant intervals...those are steps...the bigger platforms that are used for turning to take another flight or as entranceways and exits for a specific floor are called landings...landings are only counted once...so do not count the landing you are standing on to perform the mind boggling math problem if you count the one at the top or bottom of the flight...counting both landings only serves to confuse the countee further...and people...although it is Friday and I would love NOTHING more than to spend the entire day finger sliding different colored beads across an antiquated abicus...I have other things that are more pressing...like locating or constructing the world's first even numbered stairwell...do ya know when stairs play an important part of my life and require counting??? When the asshole that built the damn building didn't have the foresight or financial means to incorporate elevators or escalators...aside from that they are insignificant...sadly there are probably several things I will NEVER see...up close and personally...because of this very reason...stair climbing falls just behind and slightly to the left of running...on the list of activities I attempt to avoid at all costs...I am NEVER late enough...NOR in a big enough hurry to get somewhere...that I feel the urge or necessity to run...the same can be said for stairs...there are other idiots that will ascend them as high as they go...if these morons have the capacity and capability to use one or more of their arms and hands...they can take pictures and I will be more than happy to view them upon their descent...I don't even like the fact that my house has a small set of stairs at the front and rear...it's a pain in the ass of epic proportions...the last thing I wanna do is hafta carry shit up or down stairs...although I must say...if given the option I would rather be headed in a steady downward angle...it is much easier to catch the weight of your body on each descending step than it is to lift your entire body weight up to the next level...NOW don't spend the rest of the day counting steps on stairs...you're sure to make a mistake along the way and stumble on another important fact associated with staircase step counting...there are far too many of them to matter...and here's something you blonde readers are going to want to pay extra special attention to...if the stairwell includes several flights of stairs...and they are all included in the same building...chances are they all have the same amount of steps...you can quit counting them by the 5th floor...hey it's NOT my fault they require special instructions...they're BLONDE...have a great weekend...and when you leave the building this afternoon...if you are fortunate enough to come across some dumbass counting steps...slap them on the back and start shouting out random digits on your way down to the exit...4...8...54...12...3...7...if NOTHING else you will confuse them long enough to get a head start on your weekend...if they are still there on Monday buy them some hair dye...the roots are starting to show thru!!!
04/12/12
In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10...
I can't for the life of me figure out why this should be important...what it stands for...or who should care...which makes it a perfect target for terminal torture thru verbology...or the study of verbs as they apply to nature...IDK...don't ask...as with all the simple things people seem to take for granted without further ado...I find it necessary to delve a little deeper and try and determine why things of this nature continue to pop up in the American culture...is there any relative significance to this information...or is it simply an advertising gimmick initiated a long time ago that is continued today for a similar reason or reaction...or is it merely something that has continued because the only picture anyone has of a watch at Advertising Compliance Headquarters is broken and constantly displays 10:10...I don't know and I don't care...look it up yourself...I can't do everything for ya...I'm tired and the internet just came back on so I hadta retype this entire thing because I didn't realize early enough that the service had been unexpectedly interrupted...those SOB's in India almost gotta piece of my mind...but then I figured what the hell...let my neioghbors sleep...besides I can find more pleasureable endeavors to stimulate high blood pressure...I don't need to be doin the damn language limbo with Hhhhharacknad at quarter to 4 in the morning...I have more important things to do like try and figure out if its 10:10am or 10:10 pm...could be significant...could be immaterial...one NEVER knows until the final clue is revealed...if it is even discovered at all...I know sometimes you readers are confused...you have NO idea what I'm talking about or which way the commentary is headed...honestly...half the time I don't know either until after I've hit the publish post button and re read the submitted monologue...so just sit back and hang on...it's a wild ride for both of us...but I have the advantage of driving the ship...so I need COMPLETE QUIET...WE WILL GET THERE WHEN WE GET THERE AND NOT A MINUTE SOONER...I've heard that a time or two from my position in the back seat...seems to fit in nicely here...here's the thing...if I were a watchmaker I'd do one of two things...stop advertising watches altogether...or figure out a gimmick that makes the hands of the watch or LCD display change numbers...because believe it or NOT...this little advertising snafu is the primary reason I do NOT own a watch...wear a watch...or rely on a watch for giving me accurate time...if the manufacturer is going to advertise a watch that is stuck on 10:10...WHY would I want one...it only serves a purpose twice a day...aside from that it's an overpriced conversation piece that isn't worth a shit...I mean seriously...think about it...if you opened the automobile advertising section from the Sunday Times with the specific intent of deciding which new vehicles you wanted to go test drive that day and the closest Chevy Dealership had an ad showing all of their vehicles sitting on 2 flat tires...the Ford Dealership has ads showing them being pulled onto a flatbedd from the side of the road...and Dodge showed ads with their vehicles sitting at the pump guzzling gas like a thirsty fat kid hammers a Slurpee...which one would you start with??? Damn right NONE of them...which is why watches are a bad idea...the manufacturers know they run the risk of mechanical and electrical parts failing...that's why they show you upfront...it's TRUTH in advertising...it says...'We want you to buy something that has the possibility of breaking and when...not if...it does...it's gonna look like this...10:10...10:10... 10:10...if its a digital...otherwise it might look something like this...\ /'...and here's the damn thing about it...people still buy the damn things...my days consist of daylight hours and my nights consist of non daylight hours...I don't need a broken watch to tell me that...I mean come on...this is what I mean by paying attention to detail...the best stories and clues are in the tiniest details...people don't realize the watches in these advertisements are being displayed as broken time keeping devices...this is can be used as a very clever ploy for online merchandisers and may serve to put a few wads of ones in a pocket or two of mine as a matter of fact...sell broken watches online...use the 10:10 advertisement...and the caption...' as shown above'...which will thereby absolve you of all legal responsibilities should lawsuits arise from the sale of such merchandise...why NOT...I'm showing broken watches...I'm tellin' ya that ya get what's in the picture...which shows a watch that reads 10:10...sounds pretty legit to me...ya get what ya paid for dumbass...youwant a real time keeping device get ya an old navajo, cherokee, sioux or similar Native American who carries on the traditions of their ancestors sans the white mans liquor...those little devils can tell the time by the sun and the stars...another good way of telling what time it is without using a bulky cumbersome broken watch...is to take note and give special consideration to times when people work...they tend to travel in shifts...which should be evident in traffic patterns within the affected community...how do ya think I knew when it was safe to go home after cuttin' skewl all day...I waited til I saw the skewl bus drive by and drop off kids from my skewl...our daily lives normally revolve around set schedules...with minor alterations from day to day...you don't need a watch...you have an internal clock...and eventually it wakes you up...regardless of how many times you slap the internal snooze button...suddenly and without reason you will sit straight up in bed...look at the clock...and go..."OH F**K...it's 10:10 and I'm late for work!."..then whaddaya do run around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to put your arms thru your pants legs and wondering why your sweater isn't fitting up over your calf...and for what...what's the rush...late is defined as what class??? Not showing up on time...and once you're late does it really matter...HOW late you are??? NOT really...so take your time...stop on the way to work...get a donut...grab some coffee...some cotton balls...and a newspaper...fold the newspaper so that the watch advertisement is facing outward...hold it in a fashion that shields your arm...like a gauntlet so to speak...enter the work place with your donut hanging out of your mouth...your coffee in one hand...and point at your advertised watch as if it were you're own...mumble...'I know...I know...I'm 10 minutes late...didn't get to set my watch back an hour for Daylight Savings...boy am I lucky...I thought I really overslpet'...then just walk to your office or workstation and carry on with your daily duties...if you're supposed to punch in for work don't...then when you punch out at the end of the shift notify your supervisor that you were 10 minutes late for work this morning and you were in such a rush that you forgot to punch in...then it doesn't matter if you're 30 minutes late or 3 hours late...ya get paid for the whole day...and if ya played it just right...NOBODY will pay attention...or at the very least they'll be just as confused as cornbread and you should be safe...see 5 minutes ago I had NO idea this is where we would end up saying goodbye for the day...til we meet again...don't buy watches that display 10:10!!!
I can't for the life of me figure out why this should be important...what it stands for...or who should care...which makes it a perfect target for terminal torture thru verbology...or the study of verbs as they apply to nature...IDK...don't ask...as with all the simple things people seem to take for granted without further ado...I find it necessary to delve a little deeper and try and determine why things of this nature continue to pop up in the American culture...is there any relative significance to this information...or is it simply an advertising gimmick initiated a long time ago that is continued today for a similar reason or reaction...or is it merely something that has continued because the only picture anyone has of a watch at Advertising Compliance Headquarters is broken and constantly displays 10:10...I don't know and I don't care...look it up yourself...I can't do everything for ya...I'm tired and the internet just came back on so I hadta retype this entire thing because I didn't realize early enough that the service had been unexpectedly interrupted...those SOB's in India almost gotta piece of my mind...but then I figured what the hell...let my neioghbors sleep...besides I can find more pleasureable endeavors to stimulate high blood pressure...I don't need to be doin the damn language limbo with Hhhhharacknad at quarter to 4 in the morning...I have more important things to do like try and figure out if its 10:10am or 10:10 pm...could be significant...could be immaterial...one NEVER knows until the final clue is revealed...if it is even discovered at all...I know sometimes you readers are confused...you have NO idea what I'm talking about or which way the commentary is headed...honestly...half the time I don't know either until after I've hit the publish post button and re read the submitted monologue...so just sit back and hang on...it's a wild ride for both of us...but I have the advantage of driving the ship...so I need COMPLETE QUIET...WE WILL GET THERE WHEN WE GET THERE AND NOT A MINUTE SOONER...I've heard that a time or two from my position in the back seat...seems to fit in nicely here...here's the thing...if I were a watchmaker I'd do one of two things...stop advertising watches altogether...or figure out a gimmick that makes the hands of the watch or LCD display change numbers...because believe it or NOT...this little advertising snafu is the primary reason I do NOT own a watch...wear a watch...or rely on a watch for giving me accurate time...if the manufacturer is going to advertise a watch that is stuck on 10:10...WHY would I want one...it only serves a purpose twice a day...aside from that it's an overpriced conversation piece that isn't worth a shit...I mean seriously...think about it...if you opened the automobile advertising section from the Sunday Times with the specific intent of deciding which new vehicles you wanted to go test drive that day and the closest Chevy Dealership had an ad showing all of their vehicles sitting on 2 flat tires...the Ford Dealership has ads showing them being pulled onto a flatbedd from the side of the road...and Dodge showed ads with their vehicles sitting at the pump guzzling gas like a thirsty fat kid hammers a Slurpee...which one would you start with??? Damn right NONE of them...which is why watches are a bad idea...the manufacturers know they run the risk of mechanical and electrical parts failing...that's why they show you upfront...it's TRUTH in advertising...it says...'We want you to buy something that has the possibility of breaking and when...not if...it does...it's gonna look like this...10:10...10:10... 10:10...if its a digital...otherwise it might look something like this...\ /'...and here's the damn thing about it...people still buy the damn things...my days consist of daylight hours and my nights consist of non daylight hours...I don't need a broken watch to tell me that...I mean come on...this is what I mean by paying attention to detail...the best stories and clues are in the tiniest details...people don't realize the watches in these advertisements are being displayed as broken time keeping devices...this is can be used as a very clever ploy for online merchandisers and may serve to put a few wads of ones in a pocket or two of mine as a matter of fact...sell broken watches online...use the 10:10 advertisement...and the caption...' as shown above'...which will thereby absolve you of all legal responsibilities should lawsuits arise from the sale of such merchandise...why NOT...I'm showing broken watches...I'm tellin' ya that ya get what's in the picture...which shows a watch that reads 10:10...sounds pretty legit to me...ya get what ya paid for dumbass...youwant a real time keeping device get ya an old navajo, cherokee, sioux or similar Native American who carries on the traditions of their ancestors sans the white mans liquor...those little devils can tell the time by the sun and the stars...another good way of telling what time it is without using a bulky cumbersome broken watch...is to take note and give special consideration to times when people work...they tend to travel in shifts...which should be evident in traffic patterns within the affected community...how do ya think I knew when it was safe to go home after cuttin' skewl all day...I waited til I saw the skewl bus drive by and drop off kids from my skewl...our daily lives normally revolve around set schedules...with minor alterations from day to day...you don't need a watch...you have an internal clock...and eventually it wakes you up...regardless of how many times you slap the internal snooze button...suddenly and without reason you will sit straight up in bed...look at the clock...and go..."OH F**K...it's 10:10 and I'm late for work!."..then whaddaya do run around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to put your arms thru your pants legs and wondering why your sweater isn't fitting up over your calf...and for what...what's the rush...late is defined as what class??? Not showing up on time...and once you're late does it really matter...HOW late you are??? NOT really...so take your time...stop on the way to work...get a donut...grab some coffee...some cotton balls...and a newspaper...fold the newspaper so that the watch advertisement is facing outward...hold it in a fashion that shields your arm...like a gauntlet so to speak...enter the work place with your donut hanging out of your mouth...your coffee in one hand...and point at your advertised watch as if it were you're own...mumble...'I know...I know...I'm 10 minutes late...didn't get to set my watch back an hour for Daylight Savings...boy am I lucky...I thought I really overslpet'...then just walk to your office or workstation and carry on with your daily duties...if you're supposed to punch in for work don't...then when you punch out at the end of the shift notify your supervisor that you were 10 minutes late for work this morning and you were in such a rush that you forgot to punch in...then it doesn't matter if you're 30 minutes late or 3 hours late...ya get paid for the whole day...and if ya played it just right...NOBODY will pay attention...or at the very least they'll be just as confused as cornbread and you should be safe...see 5 minutes ago I had NO idea this is where we would end up saying goodbye for the day...til we meet again...don't buy watches that display 10:10!!!
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
04/11/12
In ancient Egypt, priests plucked every hair on their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes...
Isn't that a B-E Yootiful mental image...a completely bald and hairless heathen that worshipped the sun... why would you 'pluck' every hair on your body...I'm pretty sure they had invented a much less painful hair removal system by then...like the sharp edge of a knife, spear or arrow...for the love of Ra...why subject yourself to cruel and unusual punishment...I mean there are certain hairs that require plucking because inventions for their removal...lack sufficient applicable surfaces to achieve hair eradication successfully...and then there are certain places where hair should never be plucked...including the EYELASHES...who does that...I mean especially in the desert...where a person is more susceptible to dust and other eye encrusting elements...I mean seriously...what purpose could this serve...it sure wasn't an aesthetically appealing attribute...apparently this was a ritual performed by priests and priestesses... who thought that hair signified impurity and was therefore unacceptable before the gods...that's right folks...that giant ball of fire they called Ra...and that we call the sun... is offeneded by the presence of human body hair...an object it can NEVER come in contact with since the overbearing amount of residual heat will scorch the human body hair aeons before the body gets close enough to the sun to become offensive...I guess you don't have to be dumb to live in the desert... but it obviously doesn't hurt either...I just don't get it I guess...plucking ones body hair so that you are more presentable to the gods of your belief system...seems a little excessive to me...I mean if all the kneeling and praying doesn't get ya street credit with your creator...I'm doubtin' the removal of all your body hair is gonna be the winning ticket for eternal acceptance into the realm of religious acceptance... I mean come on...how much more subservient does a person have to be in order for them to gain entrance into the afterworld...plucking body hair...wrapping dead corpses in super glue and toilet paper...building giant pyramids to protect the oblonged headed pharoahs that enslaved the masses... and for what...an honorable mention on the Ancient Aliens show...YEE HAW...to me it signifies how ridiculous some ancient beliefs as well as some modern ones continue to be...I mean I get the whole history and tradition of organized religions...what I don't get is the undebateable acceptance of these belief systems...in conjunction with the similarities and differences...one of the main problems I have with organized religion is the hypocrisy of the teachings with respect to the animal kingdom...you'll notice for instance that several religions based on the story of Jesus Christ...include at least some mention of the adventures of Noah...the ark building animal wrangler...had to go out and find 2 of every animal...1 of each sex in order to ensure their continued evolution...yet I spent several Sundays sittin in churches wondering why there weren't animals allowed...or included in the service...I mean if we are all gods creatures it stands to reason that we all require the same amount of religious education...then it dawned on me...animals don't have any money...they can't contribute to the basket passing past time and are therefore excluded altogether...sad really...when ya thnk about it...animals are only here to provide nutrition and sustenance for the rest of us...see now people of this religious cult believe it is necessary for a person to attend a place of higher worship at least once a week if not more...while others simply believe they need to rid their bodies of hair...they all believe that an outside force was essential in the creation of all life here on earth...and they're probably right...altho it doesn't appear the whole Annunaki theory...or Planet X hypothesis is going to pan out...I haven't seen any new stars or noticed a shift in the earths gravitational pull...so the question may still remain a complete mystery for millenia to come...I have my own personal opinions and theories on how life came to be on this planet...none of which include a 7 day Global Creation Chart...the worship of the sun...or the removal of body hair thru the painstaking process of plucking...doesn't it make ya wonder sometimes... NOT what life is all about...who cares anyway...by the time you figure it out Alzheimers comes along and steals it...but about what causes people to believe in certain things...when ya stop to think about it...at some point in the history of ancient Egypt...some dipshit fell asleep in the desert during a sandstorm...the strength of a class 5 tornado...woke up without a single hair on their body...returned to their village and when asked about the odd appearance...spun a tale that spawned a religion and required a priest to preside over it...and the first organized religion of Egypt was born...it's the only logical solution that makes sense...people don't just sit around making this stuff up...it has to have a starting point...ya don't just wake up one day...'Hey didja see Habib...he's plucked all of his body hair...calls himself a priest...what's that about'...extreme accidents of this nature require extreme measures...and sometimes once the story snowballs...ya just hafta roll with it...there's no turning back...before ya know it...people are bobbin'...weavin'...kneelin'...and pluckin' all over the planet...it reaches epidemic proportions that no amount of significant evidence proving otherwise can squash... I don't dispute peoples belief systems...it's just that there have been so many religions on this planet...from pagan rituals worshipping the female or feminine...to religions of today that all seem to worship the male or masculine...so it isn't a very easy task trying to identify which one...if any have any truth to them...it can't be as smple as plucking all of our body hair before poppin up at the Pearly Gates...or we're all gonna look pretty damn funny come time to occupy a casket!!!
Isn't that a B-E Yootiful mental image...a completely bald and hairless heathen that worshipped the sun... why would you 'pluck' every hair on your body...I'm pretty sure they had invented a much less painful hair removal system by then...like the sharp edge of a knife, spear or arrow...for the love of Ra...why subject yourself to cruel and unusual punishment...I mean there are certain hairs that require plucking because inventions for their removal...lack sufficient applicable surfaces to achieve hair eradication successfully...and then there are certain places where hair should never be plucked...including the EYELASHES...who does that...I mean especially in the desert...where a person is more susceptible to dust and other eye encrusting elements...I mean seriously...what purpose could this serve...it sure wasn't an aesthetically appealing attribute...apparently this was a ritual performed by priests and priestesses... who thought that hair signified impurity and was therefore unacceptable before the gods...that's right folks...that giant ball of fire they called Ra...and that we call the sun... is offeneded by the presence of human body hair...an object it can NEVER come in contact with since the overbearing amount of residual heat will scorch the human body hair aeons before the body gets close enough to the sun to become offensive...I guess you don't have to be dumb to live in the desert... but it obviously doesn't hurt either...I just don't get it I guess...plucking ones body hair so that you are more presentable to the gods of your belief system...seems a little excessive to me...I mean if all the kneeling and praying doesn't get ya street credit with your creator...I'm doubtin' the removal of all your body hair is gonna be the winning ticket for eternal acceptance into the realm of religious acceptance... I mean come on...how much more subservient does a person have to be in order for them to gain entrance into the afterworld...plucking body hair...wrapping dead corpses in super glue and toilet paper...building giant pyramids to protect the oblonged headed pharoahs that enslaved the masses... and for what...an honorable mention on the Ancient Aliens show...YEE HAW...to me it signifies how ridiculous some ancient beliefs as well as some modern ones continue to be...I mean I get the whole history and tradition of organized religions...what I don't get is the undebateable acceptance of these belief systems...in conjunction with the similarities and differences...one of the main problems I have with organized religion is the hypocrisy of the teachings with respect to the animal kingdom...you'll notice for instance that several religions based on the story of Jesus Christ...include at least some mention of the adventures of Noah...the ark building animal wrangler...had to go out and find 2 of every animal...1 of each sex in order to ensure their continued evolution...yet I spent several Sundays sittin in churches wondering why there weren't animals allowed...or included in the service...I mean if we are all gods creatures it stands to reason that we all require the same amount of religious education...then it dawned on me...animals don't have any money...they can't contribute to the basket passing past time and are therefore excluded altogether...sad really...when ya thnk about it...animals are only here to provide nutrition and sustenance for the rest of us...see now people of this religious cult believe it is necessary for a person to attend a place of higher worship at least once a week if not more...while others simply believe they need to rid their bodies of hair...they all believe that an outside force was essential in the creation of all life here on earth...and they're probably right...altho it doesn't appear the whole Annunaki theory...or Planet X hypothesis is going to pan out...I haven't seen any new stars or noticed a shift in the earths gravitational pull...so the question may still remain a complete mystery for millenia to come...I have my own personal opinions and theories on how life came to be on this planet...none of which include a 7 day Global Creation Chart...the worship of the sun...or the removal of body hair thru the painstaking process of plucking...doesn't it make ya wonder sometimes... NOT what life is all about...who cares anyway...by the time you figure it out Alzheimers comes along and steals it...but about what causes people to believe in certain things...when ya stop to think about it...at some point in the history of ancient Egypt...some dipshit fell asleep in the desert during a sandstorm...the strength of a class 5 tornado...woke up without a single hair on their body...returned to their village and when asked about the odd appearance...spun a tale that spawned a religion and required a priest to preside over it...and the first organized religion of Egypt was born...it's the only logical solution that makes sense...people don't just sit around making this stuff up...it has to have a starting point...ya don't just wake up one day...'Hey didja see Habib...he's plucked all of his body hair...calls himself a priest...what's that about'...extreme accidents of this nature require extreme measures...and sometimes once the story snowballs...ya just hafta roll with it...there's no turning back...before ya know it...people are bobbin'...weavin'...kneelin'...and pluckin' all over the planet...it reaches epidemic proportions that no amount of significant evidence proving otherwise can squash... I don't dispute peoples belief systems...it's just that there have been so many religions on this planet...from pagan rituals worshipping the female or feminine...to religions of today that all seem to worship the male or masculine...so it isn't a very easy task trying to identify which one...if any have any truth to them...it can't be as smple as plucking all of our body hair before poppin up at the Pearly Gates...or we're all gonna look pretty damn funny come time to occupy a casket!!!
Monday, April 9, 2012
04/09/12
In ancient Greece the word "idiot" meant private citizen or layman...
Maybe that's why modern Greece is having so many problems...too may politicians and bankers...and NOT enough idiots...quite the opposite meaning here in America...where the name 'idiots' is often equated with people in positions of power...who can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel if its attached to a bullet train...I like to think of the term "idiots" as meaning...an individual, who by chance of birth, choice of habit, or unseen circumstances during formative educational years, has seemed to catastrophically fail in every category of common sense...and who has not attained the level of education necessary to partake in a conversation revolving around topics their little pea brains have NO hope of EVER comprehending...or just about every damn body I meet in the general population sector of this country...IDIOTS in this country aren't subjected to ridicule...it's politically incorrect...whadda buncha malarkey...in a country that touts itself as being one based on free speech...who in the hell conceived of an ideology involving "politically correct" terminology...these 'idiots' sure missed the boat on that one didn't they??? One would think that anything that fell from the mouth of a free speaking American would be "politically acceptable"...even if the grammar and punctuation were incorrect...buncha damn hypocrites anyway...I tell ya...the United States political system is anything but short on 'idiots'...if I didn't know better I'd say they'd been overrun...they seem to produce miniature versions of 'idiots' who will one day take their places among the pantheon of corruptness and confusificationismalistically retarded muddle brains running for office and acceptance...they shove them in boarding schools and prep schools and ya just wanna wipe your shitty asscrack with their dumbass Harvard 'nad sac outfits...but that isn't the only sector of stupidity here in our great nation...OH NO...idiocy runs rampant in all walks of life...professional stupor stars from the gridiron to the golf course can't seem to take the talent they've been gifted with and be happy to excel farther than the limits of reasonable human behavior...NO...they have to do things like commit adultery by cheating with double digit numbers of ugly women who couldn't hold a candle to what's waiting at home...lose millions of dollars in a divorce settlement...have to endure seeing their children on a set schedule...and throw tantrums on the tee box at The Masters...kicking their clubs like some over grown out of control infant...what an absolute failure...if I could offer one bit of pertinent advice to Mr. Tiger Woods it would be this...The difference between being a Champ and a Chump is 'U'...I can't figure out why anybody even tunes into this walking catastrophe anymore...the guy has lost everything...EVERYTHING...including his swing...suck it up and go golf pro at the local course in South Beach or something...do the Happy Gilmore stint and compete in long ball tournaments that don't require so much skill...King of Dipshits...Icon of Idiots...ya might pick up a sponsor or two for some bi-polar medication if you're lucky...this individual went from hero to zero faster than a fart starts to stink...and he isn't the only one...I got to go see the Detroit Tigers kick the shit outta the Boston red Sox on Saturday afternoon...THANKS AGAIN MOMMA!!!...great f**kin' game...full of idiots...especially in the Boston dugout...Josh Junkball Beckett pitched perfectly...giving up 7 runs off of 7 hits, 5 of which were home runs...who was the 'idiot' sleeping beneath that managers cap...good lord...you don't leave your starting pitcher in that long this early in the season when their ERA looks like a Mexican jumping bean on crack...WTH...then there was the zoo crew who called a Cabrera home run a double only to be corralled and corrected by Jim Leyland...after which they corrected the call and credited the run...apparently one of the only non idiots involved in the game...that guy is unbelievable in the managerial position...and from a distance he has a Sparky Anderson type atmosphere about him...rugged...rough...and NOT to be taken too lightly...there were 'idiots' in the stands...like the lady who sat next to me and insisted on paying the Vendor...fifteen fiddy for 2 bags of cotton candy that looked more like replacement tails for Peter Cottontail...about the size of 2 overgrown softballs...I myself pulled a cardinal 'idiot' move and bought something on sight without taking the time to scan my surroundings for more suitable and cost effective choices of eateries...electing to pay $6.00 for a bacon wrapped hotdog...which I will spend time perfecting on the grill this summer...when I could have turned around and went to Leo's for a nice coney with chili, cheese, mustard and onions...that looked like something that ate bacon wrapped dogs for lunch...for a mere $4.25...so I took a dinger on the chin of stupidity myself...but I didn't fall for the $7.75 3/4 cup of beer they had to offer...I don't care if you're the richest man in the world...and you're on a 3 day alcohol fueled drinking binge...if you pay $7.75 for a plastic cup of beer that's only 3/4 full...you're an 'idiot'...and NOT of the ancient Greek variety!!!
Maybe that's why modern Greece is having so many problems...too may politicians and bankers...and NOT enough idiots...quite the opposite meaning here in America...where the name 'idiots' is often equated with people in positions of power...who can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel if its attached to a bullet train...I like to think of the term "idiots" as meaning...an individual, who by chance of birth, choice of habit, or unseen circumstances during formative educational years, has seemed to catastrophically fail in every category of common sense...and who has not attained the level of education necessary to partake in a conversation revolving around topics their little pea brains have NO hope of EVER comprehending...or just about every damn body I meet in the general population sector of this country...IDIOTS in this country aren't subjected to ridicule...it's politically incorrect...whadda buncha malarkey...in a country that touts itself as being one based on free speech...who in the hell conceived of an ideology involving "politically correct" terminology...these 'idiots' sure missed the boat on that one didn't they??? One would think that anything that fell from the mouth of a free speaking American would be "politically acceptable"...even if the grammar and punctuation were incorrect...buncha damn hypocrites anyway...I tell ya...the United States political system is anything but short on 'idiots'...if I didn't know better I'd say they'd been overrun...they seem to produce miniature versions of 'idiots' who will one day take their places among the pantheon of corruptness and confusificationismalistically retarded muddle brains running for office and acceptance...they shove them in boarding schools and prep schools and ya just wanna wipe your shitty asscrack with their dumbass Harvard 'nad sac outfits...but that isn't the only sector of stupidity here in our great nation...OH NO...idiocy runs rampant in all walks of life...professional stupor stars from the gridiron to the golf course can't seem to take the talent they've been gifted with and be happy to excel farther than the limits of reasonable human behavior...NO...they have to do things like commit adultery by cheating with double digit numbers of ugly women who couldn't hold a candle to what's waiting at home...lose millions of dollars in a divorce settlement...have to endure seeing their children on a set schedule...and throw tantrums on the tee box at The Masters...kicking their clubs like some over grown out of control infant...what an absolute failure...if I could offer one bit of pertinent advice to Mr. Tiger Woods it would be this...The difference between being a Champ and a Chump is 'U'...I can't figure out why anybody even tunes into this walking catastrophe anymore...the guy has lost everything...EVERYTHING...including his swing...suck it up and go golf pro at the local course in South Beach or something...do the Happy Gilmore stint and compete in long ball tournaments that don't require so much skill...King of Dipshits...Icon of Idiots...ya might pick up a sponsor or two for some bi-polar medication if you're lucky...this individual went from hero to zero faster than a fart starts to stink...and he isn't the only one...I got to go see the Detroit Tigers kick the shit outta the Boston red Sox on Saturday afternoon...THANKS AGAIN MOMMA!!!...great f**kin' game...full of idiots...especially in the Boston dugout...Josh Junkball Beckett pitched perfectly...giving up 7 runs off of 7 hits, 5 of which were home runs...who was the 'idiot' sleeping beneath that managers cap...good lord...you don't leave your starting pitcher in that long this early in the season when their ERA looks like a Mexican jumping bean on crack...WTH...then there was the zoo crew who called a Cabrera home run a double only to be corralled and corrected by Jim Leyland...after which they corrected the call and credited the run...apparently one of the only non idiots involved in the game...that guy is unbelievable in the managerial position...and from a distance he has a Sparky Anderson type atmosphere about him...rugged...rough...and NOT to be taken too lightly...there were 'idiots' in the stands...like the lady who sat next to me and insisted on paying the Vendor...fifteen fiddy for 2 bags of cotton candy that looked more like replacement tails for Peter Cottontail...about the size of 2 overgrown softballs...I myself pulled a cardinal 'idiot' move and bought something on sight without taking the time to scan my surroundings for more suitable and cost effective choices of eateries...electing to pay $6.00 for a bacon wrapped hotdog...which I will spend time perfecting on the grill this summer...when I could have turned around and went to Leo's for a nice coney with chili, cheese, mustard and onions...that looked like something that ate bacon wrapped dogs for lunch...for a mere $4.25...so I took a dinger on the chin of stupidity myself...but I didn't fall for the $7.75 3/4 cup of beer they had to offer...I don't care if you're the richest man in the world...and you're on a 3 day alcohol fueled drinking binge...if you pay $7.75 for a plastic cup of beer that's only 3/4 full...you're an 'idiot'...and NOT of the ancient Greek variety!!!
Friday, April 6, 2012
04/06/12
Canada is the largest importer of American cars...
Well of course they are...they wasted what money they had to build auto manufacturing plants on a dumbass UFO launching pad...you know why NO other country is a major player on the American import cars??? Because they have standards are cars here in the states can't live up to...that's why our auto manufacturers either have plants overseas to accommodate their stringent standards...or they just don't give a shit to do business with us...because their cars get better gas mileage and cost less...we are a gluttonous nation...always complaining about the price of gas...and the piss poor MPG that brand new cars offer...what we need to do is wise the f**k up...big business in this country...like our auto manufacturers dump millions of dollars into lobbying efforts in order to keep standards for MPG in American muscle lenient...then they fall apart because they can't compete with the Japanese auto makers...and the government gives them are hard earned money...that we paid in taxes...so they can bail their asses out...what a f**kin buncha bullshit...think if you or I had a businesss that was on the verge of folding...the government would extend us a loan...NOT even if we could guarantee repayment...I personally instructed my Momma to buy a Toyota...because I'll tell ya what...they don't give a shit about us...and we shouldn't give a shit about them...I'll NEVER buy another American made vehicle as long as I live...matter of fact there is a lot of American made shit I won't drop a dime on...I doubt I have a single electrical device in my house that is made in America...maybe light bulbs...and a toaster...oh and the coffee pot...other than that...I buy shit that works...costs less...and was shipped overseas from another country...because apparently NOBODY in this place gives a damn about pride in their work or craftsmanship...As far as the vehicle situation goes...the Top Ten list of best fuel efficient vehicles on the market...lists the Ford Fiesta SFE as the best American made car... capable of 40MPG Highway...and where does this piece of sh*t come in...#5...actually tied for 4th... but the other car I like better...so there it is #5...from the oldest American auto maker...#5...ya know what #5 is??? NOTHING...you don't even get an honorable mention for coming in fifth place...you're the 4th loser...I know most of the time you guys come here for a bit of humor...and most times I do try to find the lighter side of things to comment on...but somethings tend to crawl up my leg and dig around in my ass...which makes me ornery...and this is one of them...and it pisses me off even more because NOBODY does or says a damn thing...the car companies throw money at the Senators and Congressmen...these people relax the laws that their funders want to circumvent...then the politicians sit back and vote themselves another raise...and the world goes round and round...I wouldn't piss turpentine on the whole lot of them if ya bunched them up and set them on fire...let Canada have all the American made cars for all I care...hell for that matter...move Ford, Chevy and GM north of the border and decline their services here in the states...I mean why NOT...Toyota and Honda...those auto manufacturers from Japan...you remember...that little island nation that built Zeroes during WWII and damn near decimated the entire U.S. Navy...well instead of tryin to kick our asses with planes...they're building better cars than we can...right here on American soil...Toyota has even infiltrated NASCAR... that's right folks...Toyota from Japan...has cars racing on the NASCAR circuit...does Canada??? NO... because you can't race what you can't produce...does Canada even have an auto manufacturer to call it's own??? Who cares really...once ya get that far north...its snowmobiles and dog sleds...they could probably import 1 American vehicle a year and qualify as the biggest importer...the models that are sold here in the states aren't the same models that are sold overseas...they're too big...bulky...and inefficient...our government would have you believe they are doing everything in their power to decrease our dependency on foreign energy consumption...but instead of passing bills or enacting legislature against the manufacturers of the biggest consumers of foreign energy...they decide to start small...and schedule phase out programs of the incandescent light bulb...which by the way is a very inefficient light source...wasting between 90 - 98% of the energy it requires in order to produce light... however...if I did my math right...I've spent significantly less on electric bills...and replacement bulbs...than I ever have on a vehicle or gas prices...there are so many things pathetically wrong with the way this country operates...I'm often surprised we aren't speaking Mandarin already...now I know there are some of you who are probably saying to yourselves...'Boy...Kevin sure has an anti-American outlook'...and you couldn't be more wrong...I'm NOT anti-American...its called... Antiestablishmentarianism...which is defined as...a policy or attitude that views a nation's or society's power structure as corrupt, repressive, exploitive or unjust...and that seems to be just the tip of the iceberg for those blowhards in Washington...nevermind the auto industry...I say ship all the cars... incandescent light bulbs...and corrupt politicians to Canada...let them sit up there and blow smoke up each other's asses while waiting to use that...Oh so clever creation...the Canadian UFO Launching Pad...until the next Ice Age comes along and opens a big old can of Whoop Ass on their whole global warming agenda...ya know...ya think I'd be in a good mood...I am afterall going to the Tigers game tomorrow afternoon...THANK YOU MOMMA!!!...and I am in a generally good frame of mind at the moment...but sometimes the piss and vinegar that's been fermenting inside me just comes pouring out...I am however very thankful to all of my readers...because you all have heard me rant and rave before about the government...and other American ideals...so if I come up missing you better damn well know I didn't go to Canada to buy an American vehicle!!!
Well of course they are...they wasted what money they had to build auto manufacturing plants on a dumbass UFO launching pad...you know why NO other country is a major player on the American import cars??? Because they have standards are cars here in the states can't live up to...that's why our auto manufacturers either have plants overseas to accommodate their stringent standards...or they just don't give a shit to do business with us...because their cars get better gas mileage and cost less...we are a gluttonous nation...always complaining about the price of gas...and the piss poor MPG that brand new cars offer...what we need to do is wise the f**k up...big business in this country...like our auto manufacturers dump millions of dollars into lobbying efforts in order to keep standards for MPG in American muscle lenient...then they fall apart because they can't compete with the Japanese auto makers...and the government gives them are hard earned money...that we paid in taxes...so they can bail their asses out...what a f**kin buncha bullshit...think if you or I had a businesss that was on the verge of folding...the government would extend us a loan...NOT even if we could guarantee repayment...I personally instructed my Momma to buy a Toyota...because I'll tell ya what...they don't give a shit about us...and we shouldn't give a shit about them...I'll NEVER buy another American made vehicle as long as I live...matter of fact there is a lot of American made shit I won't drop a dime on...I doubt I have a single electrical device in my house that is made in America...maybe light bulbs...and a toaster...oh and the coffee pot...other than that...I buy shit that works...costs less...and was shipped overseas from another country...because apparently NOBODY in this place gives a damn about pride in their work or craftsmanship...As far as the vehicle situation goes...the Top Ten list of best fuel efficient vehicles on the market...lists the Ford Fiesta SFE as the best American made car... capable of 40MPG Highway...and where does this piece of sh*t come in...#5...actually tied for 4th... but the other car I like better...so there it is #5...from the oldest American auto maker...#5...ya know what #5 is??? NOTHING...you don't even get an honorable mention for coming in fifth place...you're the 4th loser...I know most of the time you guys come here for a bit of humor...and most times I do try to find the lighter side of things to comment on...but somethings tend to crawl up my leg and dig around in my ass...which makes me ornery...and this is one of them...and it pisses me off even more because NOBODY does or says a damn thing...the car companies throw money at the Senators and Congressmen...these people relax the laws that their funders want to circumvent...then the politicians sit back and vote themselves another raise...and the world goes round and round...I wouldn't piss turpentine on the whole lot of them if ya bunched them up and set them on fire...let Canada have all the American made cars for all I care...hell for that matter...move Ford, Chevy and GM north of the border and decline their services here in the states...I mean why NOT...Toyota and Honda...those auto manufacturers from Japan...you remember...that little island nation that built Zeroes during WWII and damn near decimated the entire U.S. Navy...well instead of tryin to kick our asses with planes...they're building better cars than we can...right here on American soil...Toyota has even infiltrated NASCAR... that's right folks...Toyota from Japan...has cars racing on the NASCAR circuit...does Canada??? NO... because you can't race what you can't produce...does Canada even have an auto manufacturer to call it's own??? Who cares really...once ya get that far north...its snowmobiles and dog sleds...they could probably import 1 American vehicle a year and qualify as the biggest importer...the models that are sold here in the states aren't the same models that are sold overseas...they're too big...bulky...and inefficient...our government would have you believe they are doing everything in their power to decrease our dependency on foreign energy consumption...but instead of passing bills or enacting legislature against the manufacturers of the biggest consumers of foreign energy...they decide to start small...and schedule phase out programs of the incandescent light bulb...which by the way is a very inefficient light source...wasting between 90 - 98% of the energy it requires in order to produce light... however...if I did my math right...I've spent significantly less on electric bills...and replacement bulbs...than I ever have on a vehicle or gas prices...there are so many things pathetically wrong with the way this country operates...I'm often surprised we aren't speaking Mandarin already...now I know there are some of you who are probably saying to yourselves...'Boy...Kevin sure has an anti-American outlook'...and you couldn't be more wrong...I'm NOT anti-American...its called... Antiestablishmentarianism...which is defined as...a policy or attitude that views a nation's or society's power structure as corrupt, repressive, exploitive or unjust...and that seems to be just the tip of the iceberg for those blowhards in Washington...nevermind the auto industry...I say ship all the cars... incandescent light bulbs...and corrupt politicians to Canada...let them sit up there and blow smoke up each other's asses while waiting to use that...Oh so clever creation...the Canadian UFO Launching Pad...until the next Ice Age comes along and opens a big old can of Whoop Ass on their whole global warming agenda...ya know...ya think I'd be in a good mood...I am afterall going to the Tigers game tomorrow afternoon...THANK YOU MOMMA!!!...and I am in a generally good frame of mind at the moment...but sometimes the piss and vinegar that's been fermenting inside me just comes pouring out...I am however very thankful to all of my readers...because you all have heard me rant and rave before about the government...and other American ideals...so if I come up missing you better damn well know I didn't go to Canada to buy an American vehicle!!!
Thursday, April 5, 2012
04/05/12
Every time you sneeze some of your brain cells die...
Well isn't this a fine piece of information to get so late in life...you mean to tell me that after all this money wasted on alcohol...we coulda just bought feathers...WTF...it would appear as tho our tidbit authors are getting a little smarter...incorporating vague terms like 'Every'...and 'some'...in the fact finding funnel of funny information...I pray this tidbit is true...it would shed some much needed light on an otherwise dark and desolate 8 year period in American history...I always wondered why people associated him with Dumbo...well NOT really...I mean come on...the guy was a stone cold slobbering shit for brains who studied stupidsms as a secondary language...but didn't he look a little like Snuffalaphagous...the inevitable long snouted sneezer capable of earth shattering snot fests that left him semi conscious...silly assed...big -eared and ignorant for the rest of his adult life...I mean think about it... it would sure explain alot...perhaps poor old Dumbya just had a condition that resulted in life threatening sneezing fits prior to every important speech of both his terribly turmultuous terms as Keeper of the Common Cents...NOT to be confused with the Common Sense department...from which he was ceremoniously excluded at birth...I can't believe I didn't notice this before...the drooling on the arms of coats...the teary eyed entrance at the site of Ground Zero...the ensuing thoughtless comments that crept out of his mouth...time and time again...all a direct result of the brain cell slaughtering sneeze...I'd feel bad for him if I didn't honestly think that he was some sort of Test Tube Bush Baby experiment gone bad...come on you've seen George Sr and Barbara...they are text book posterchildren for a Norman Rockwell painting that screams..."We can't be this happy cuz we NEVER have sex"... ya don't think they actually intentionally had a kid that damn stupid do ya...couldn't be...Barbara had to have had eggs in cryo storage...frozen for future fornification procedures...and obviously the damn thing hadn't completely thawed before being inseminated...resulting in an overall lower body temperature and recessed growth patterns in the frontal lobe region...making the skull enormously bigger than the object it was designed to protect...thereby increasing the potential for catastrophic brain cell collapse upon projectile sneezing huge gobs of gelatinous misting materials across an entire room...I'll tell ya there are some people who seemed to have turned sneezing into an art form...I won't be able to look at people the same after seeing them sneeze...what happens if you hold it in...do ya kill less cells or more cells do ya think??? I have another theory on this as a matter of fact...and since it quite possibly pertains to Dumbya the Destroyer of wordifications and verbalisticisms...I'll go ahead and explain here...releasing a sneeze with ample force...and at the desired ejection speed of the sneeze...alleviates the human body of any undue stress and evacuates the nasal passages with a the swiftness a tachyon could only hope to achieve...this allows for an immediate recovery by the individual while simultaneously letting them regain their vision...Dumbya was undoubtedly of the latter variety of sneezer...the kind that tries to hold it in...this is a very detrimental method of escaping a reaction to a nasally induced tickle tantrum...holding back all that speed and relative force equates to the body having to absorb all of that excess energy...think of the inside of the human body as a canyon...when you hold back the sneeze the force just continues to rebound or echo off the walls of the body...since sneezing occurs in the cranial region of the human shell...it stands to reason that your poor little pea is going to continue bouncing off the pod walls until the reverberations run thru your feet...NOW does it make sense...DUMBYA had to have spent every moment off camera with a feather stuck up his nose...and he isn't the only one...there are a ton of people who still think he did a good job...they're Sunday Sneezers...wreaking enough havok in their head to believe what they just heard was the most intellligent oration of their entire lives...his nickname shoulda been the Ayatollah of Ah-Choo!!!
Well isn't this a fine piece of information to get so late in life...you mean to tell me that after all this money wasted on alcohol...we coulda just bought feathers...WTF...it would appear as tho our tidbit authors are getting a little smarter...incorporating vague terms like 'Every'...and 'some'...in the fact finding funnel of funny information...I pray this tidbit is true...it would shed some much needed light on an otherwise dark and desolate 8 year period in American history...I always wondered why people associated him with Dumbo...well NOT really...I mean come on...the guy was a stone cold slobbering shit for brains who studied stupidsms as a secondary language...but didn't he look a little like Snuffalaphagous...the inevitable long snouted sneezer capable of earth shattering snot fests that left him semi conscious...silly assed...big -eared and ignorant for the rest of his adult life...I mean think about it... it would sure explain alot...perhaps poor old Dumbya just had a condition that resulted in life threatening sneezing fits prior to every important speech of both his terribly turmultuous terms as Keeper of the Common Cents...NOT to be confused with the Common Sense department...from which he was ceremoniously excluded at birth...I can't believe I didn't notice this before...the drooling on the arms of coats...the teary eyed entrance at the site of Ground Zero...the ensuing thoughtless comments that crept out of his mouth...time and time again...all a direct result of the brain cell slaughtering sneeze...I'd feel bad for him if I didn't honestly think that he was some sort of Test Tube Bush Baby experiment gone bad...come on you've seen George Sr and Barbara...they are text book posterchildren for a Norman Rockwell painting that screams..."We can't be this happy cuz we NEVER have sex"... ya don't think they actually intentionally had a kid that damn stupid do ya...couldn't be...Barbara had to have had eggs in cryo storage...frozen for future fornification procedures...and obviously the damn thing hadn't completely thawed before being inseminated...resulting in an overall lower body temperature and recessed growth patterns in the frontal lobe region...making the skull enormously bigger than the object it was designed to protect...thereby increasing the potential for catastrophic brain cell collapse upon projectile sneezing huge gobs of gelatinous misting materials across an entire room...I'll tell ya there are some people who seemed to have turned sneezing into an art form...I won't be able to look at people the same after seeing them sneeze...what happens if you hold it in...do ya kill less cells or more cells do ya think??? I have another theory on this as a matter of fact...and since it quite possibly pertains to Dumbya the Destroyer of wordifications and verbalisticisms...I'll go ahead and explain here...releasing a sneeze with ample force...and at the desired ejection speed of the sneeze...alleviates the human body of any undue stress and evacuates the nasal passages with a the swiftness a tachyon could only hope to achieve...this allows for an immediate recovery by the individual while simultaneously letting them regain their vision...Dumbya was undoubtedly of the latter variety of sneezer...the kind that tries to hold it in...this is a very detrimental method of escaping a reaction to a nasally induced tickle tantrum...holding back all that speed and relative force equates to the body having to absorb all of that excess energy...think of the inside of the human body as a canyon...when you hold back the sneeze the force just continues to rebound or echo off the walls of the body...since sneezing occurs in the cranial region of the human shell...it stands to reason that your poor little pea is going to continue bouncing off the pod walls until the reverberations run thru your feet...NOW does it make sense...DUMBYA had to have spent every moment off camera with a feather stuck up his nose...and he isn't the only one...there are a ton of people who still think he did a good job...they're Sunday Sneezers...wreaking enough havok in their head to believe what they just heard was the most intellligent oration of their entire lives...his nickname shoulda been the Ayatollah of Ah-Choo!!!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
04/04/12
No NFL team that plays it's home games in a domed stadium has ever won the Super Bowl...
This really shouldn't come as a big surprise...especially for those of you who have been rootin for that 400 year flop of a football team down in the 'D'...teams that are owned by idiots who built a domed stadium don't have the financial resources to play in the Free Agent market...they spend all their damn money on dome maintenance...this is a theory of mine...and it kinda has some weight to it...all ya hafta do is look back thru history...and it is evident that putting a roof over a stadium like building amounts to total and utter disaster...why do you think the Romans were so successful for so long...they played their games in the Colosseum...an open air stadium...one of the oldest around as a matter of fact...if they had domed that place it quite likely the Christians would have killed the lions...climbed the walls...and destroyed the Romans long before they gotta chance to build an Empire...and history would have taken a different course...the ripple effect of which would have been far reaching...hell who knows maybe the Lions from Detroit would have decided to play their games on a patch of turf in the great outdoors...like a Lambeau Field kinda place...and they would have established a dynasty...won more Championship trophies than the Yankees...and Les Habitants combined...(that's Montreal Canadiens of the NHL for all of you sports challenged individuals)...and believe me thatsa shit ton of trophies...thatsa nice fantasy to have if you are born and bred Michigan...I applaud those morons that built domed stadiums for their NFL teams to play in...it just shows that people who have money don't know a damn thing about what to do with it...piss it away on putting a roof over a building the size of a stadium...for what...to keep the weather out...what a dumbass idea...didn't work did it...and now your ignorant money wastin' endeavors include paying an enormous light bill on game days...because you blocked out the natural sunlight...BRAVO...it's no damn wonder these teams haven't had any success in winning a Super Bowl...look at the dipshit who signs your checks...chances are that the limited resources they have available for actually purchasing talent for the front office...is minimal at best...that's why you are playing on a team full of people who probably have NO business actually being in the NFL...but now that you are...they can't just boot your sorry asses out of the league...so they had to expand in order to field enough significant talent to compensate for your teams existence... that's why you end up with some dipshit who sits around judging talent...when they don't even know which end of a football is up...Matt Millen ring a bell...that guy shouldn't pick his nose...let alone be allowed to draft college kids for abuse on the lowest rung of the NFL ladder...I know...I know...they had a great year last year...won enough games to make the playoffs...and then history reared it's ugly head and ended the 2nd Cinderella season to ever hit Detroit...in all fairness...since the removal of old mole headed Millen...there has been an incredible increase in the kind of talent it takes to actually win and be competitive year in and year out...both on the field...and in the house...NOW here's an idea...pay whatever price you have to in order to keep the core of the front office intact long enough to build around Stafford, Megatron...and Headstomper...whatever his name is...Ndamukong Suh...ya know if ya say his name backwards...it still doesn't make much sense...anyway...as I was sayin'... anything short of making it to the 2nd round of the playoffs this season will be a complete failure... and heads will probably roll...and the NEVER ending vicious cycle of mediocrity will continue in the city by the stream FOREVER...but stupidness runs deep within the NFL elite as well...dome or NO dome...the other team that starts with a 'D'...may as well build a f**kin' pyramid over their new stadium...because here's another well known fact...and it...unfortunately...will be proven over and over again for several more agonizing years to come...NO team with TONY ROMO at the quarterback position will EVER win a SUPER BOWL either...seriously ya wanna know how this idiotic roller coaster...created by Peyton signing with Denver...will eventually play out??? Peyton signed with Elways Broncos...unless he wins 3 Super Bowls in a row and then retires...he isn't gonna make anyone forget the 4th Quarter Comeback King...then Tim..."I know God personally"...Tebow signed with the NY Jets...and boy was he ever excited...and it's a good thing...because NOBODY else seemed to give a shit...God included...NOW there is a quarterback controversy in the Big Apple...Tim Te-rri-blow...or Mark Sanchez...the NY Jets locker room seemed divided on what they thought of Mr. Sanchez as a quarterback last year...if Sanchez isn't traded before the start of the season...he will get to start...they will probably give him 4 or 5 games with which to prove he is THE MAN...if they aren't 4-1...or 5-0...Tebow will get a chance and Sanchez will demand a trade...it will be at this time that Mr. Jerry Jones will open his pocketbooks and grab the 2nd worst thing to set foot on an NFL field...and bring Sanchez to Dallas to backup dipshitpigshit...and fed to a pack of hungry wolves before I'll press #1 on my f**kin' cable box to watch the game in ENGLISH!!!
This really shouldn't come as a big surprise...especially for those of you who have been rootin for that 400 year flop of a football team down in the 'D'...teams that are owned by idiots who built a domed stadium don't have the financial resources to play in the Free Agent market...they spend all their damn money on dome maintenance...this is a theory of mine...and it kinda has some weight to it...all ya hafta do is look back thru history...and it is evident that putting a roof over a stadium like building amounts to total and utter disaster...why do you think the Romans were so successful for so long...they played their games in the Colosseum...an open air stadium...one of the oldest around as a matter of fact...if they had domed that place it quite likely the Christians would have killed the lions...climbed the walls...and destroyed the Romans long before they gotta chance to build an Empire...and history would have taken a different course...the ripple effect of which would have been far reaching...hell who knows maybe the Lions from Detroit would have decided to play their games on a patch of turf in the great outdoors...like a Lambeau Field kinda place...and they would have established a dynasty...won more Championship trophies than the Yankees...and Les Habitants combined...(that's Montreal Canadiens of the NHL for all of you sports challenged individuals)...and believe me thatsa shit ton of trophies...thatsa nice fantasy to have if you are born and bred Michigan...I applaud those morons that built domed stadiums for their NFL teams to play in...it just shows that people who have money don't know a damn thing about what to do with it...piss it away on putting a roof over a building the size of a stadium...for what...to keep the weather out...what a dumbass idea...didn't work did it...and now your ignorant money wastin' endeavors include paying an enormous light bill on game days...because you blocked out the natural sunlight...BRAVO...it's no damn wonder these teams haven't had any success in winning a Super Bowl...look at the dipshit who signs your checks...chances are that the limited resources they have available for actually purchasing talent for the front office...is minimal at best...that's why you are playing on a team full of people who probably have NO business actually being in the NFL...but now that you are...they can't just boot your sorry asses out of the league...so they had to expand in order to field enough significant talent to compensate for your teams existence... that's why you end up with some dipshit who sits around judging talent...when they don't even know which end of a football is up...Matt Millen ring a bell...that guy shouldn't pick his nose...let alone be allowed to draft college kids for abuse on the lowest rung of the NFL ladder...I know...I know...they had a great year last year...won enough games to make the playoffs...and then history reared it's ugly head and ended the 2nd Cinderella season to ever hit Detroit...in all fairness...since the removal of old mole headed Millen...there has been an incredible increase in the kind of talent it takes to actually win and be competitive year in and year out...both on the field...and in the house...NOW here's an idea...pay whatever price you have to in order to keep the core of the front office intact long enough to build around Stafford, Megatron...and Headstomper...whatever his name is...Ndamukong Suh...ya know if ya say his name backwards...it still doesn't make much sense...anyway...as I was sayin'... anything short of making it to the 2nd round of the playoffs this season will be a complete failure... and heads will probably roll...and the NEVER ending vicious cycle of mediocrity will continue in the city by the stream FOREVER...but stupidness runs deep within the NFL elite as well...dome or NO dome...the other team that starts with a 'D'...may as well build a f**kin' pyramid over their new stadium...because here's another well known fact...and it...unfortunately...will be proven over and over again for several more agonizing years to come...NO team with TONY ROMO at the quarterback position will EVER win a SUPER BOWL either...seriously ya wanna know how this idiotic roller coaster...created by Peyton signing with Denver...will eventually play out??? Peyton signed with Elways Broncos...unless he wins 3 Super Bowls in a row and then retires...he isn't gonna make anyone forget the 4th Quarter Comeback King...then Tim..."I know God personally"...Tebow signed with the NY Jets...and boy was he ever excited...and it's a good thing...because NOBODY else seemed to give a shit...God included...NOW there is a quarterback controversy in the Big Apple...Tim Te-rri-blow...or Mark Sanchez...the NY Jets locker room seemed divided on what they thought of Mr. Sanchez as a quarterback last year...if Sanchez isn't traded before the start of the season...he will get to start...they will probably give him 4 or 5 games with which to prove he is THE MAN...if they aren't 4-1...or 5-0...Tebow will get a chance and Sanchez will demand a trade...it will be at this time that Mr. Jerry Jones will open his pocketbooks and grab the 2nd worst thing to set foot on an NFL field...and bring Sanchez to Dallas to backup dipshitpigshit...and fed to a pack of hungry wolves before I'll press #1 on my f**kin' cable box to watch the game in ENGLISH!!!
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
04/03/12
Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and they are on the Australian coat of arms for that reason...
Boy those Australians are a crazy bunch aren't they...selecting a couple of animals who can't walk backwards to put on their coat of arms...here's an interesting little side note...several species in the animal kingdom can't walk backwards...and ya wanna know why??? Because they're ANIMALS...ya south of the equator idiots...they don't know they can walk backwards...and for most ANIMALS...emus and kangaroos included...walking backwards serves NO purpose...for the most part ANIMALS are prey for bigger...or smarter...ANIMALS...therefore walking in any direction is considered a leisurely past time that they can enjoy when there aren't bigger...or smarter...ANIMALS around who are hunting them... running seems to solve the problem of being something elses supper...running faster then all the animals of the same species...traveling in a herd or pack... significantly increases that particular animal's chances of survival...when ya stop to think about it... the only time humans tend to walk backwards is if they are helpin' another human carry an oversized object...or they're trying to retrace their steps out of a minefield...otherwise...we tend to face forward and conduct our business accordingly...NOW...if you wanna know how to determine which of the 2 humans moving an object is the smarter one...look at the one walking backwards...it isn't that one... that idiot can't see where he is going...and the one person they are trusting to keep them from suffering an injury has a very obstructed view of the path the moron is taking...most other ANIMALS come without opposable thumbs...making them useless...except as pets or protein...why didn't they put koalas and crocodiles on the damn coat of arms...ya don't see these things walking around backwards either... BTW...what's on the U.S.A.'s coat of arms...oh...that's right...we don't have one...because apparently we don't have any ANIMALS on this continent that can't walk backwards...we're just overrun with idiots who balk tackwards...they're called POL-I-TI-CIANS class...unless they're studying to be POL-I-TI-CIANS...in which case they're called LAW-YERS...and believe you me...these people can talk forward...backward...sideways...and out of their asses...all in the same breath...and it all smells the same NO matter which direction it came from...matter of fact I think the name...LAW-YERS... is actually an American misinterpretation...have ya ever been to New England...any of the states up there??? YES...NO...MAYBE...doesn't matter...point is...that is how the word LIARS comes out in that part of the countries distinct dialect...sounds exactly the same...LAW-YERS...LOI-ARS...dead ringer...case closed...that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard...emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards and that's the whole reason they are on the Australian coat of arms...truly worthy of it's own pedestal of ignorance...ya don't suppose that one of the reasons...and probably the MAIN REASON...if I had to take a stab at guessing what it was...is that when humans settled that continent 2 of the most PLENTIFUL ANIMALS on it were...EMUS and KANGAROOS...and that perhaps it wasn't discovered until some time later that these 2 ANIMALS couldn't walk backwards...because here's the thing...I don't give a shit how boring the journey across the ocean was to get there...they didn't sit on the ship thinkin' up dumbass ideas for the next continent's coat of arms...it's NOT as if they embarked on a mission to discover a specific continent...south of the equator...that had a couple of animals that couldn't walk backwards...and I'm fairly certain it wasn't like the crew sat around casting secret ballots from a specific set of choices revolving around the concept of creating this new coat of arms...#1 an awe inspiring coral reef...one of the biggest on the planet...coupled with Aborigines...the native people of the continent...#2 the outback...coupled with wild dogs that we'll later call Dingos...or #3 an ANIMAL who carries its young around in a pouch...and an ugly f**kin' bird like creature...(oh...and NEITHER of them can walk backwards or the deal is off)...and what they all voted for #3...searched the whole damn island and that's what they came up with...EMUS and KANGAROOS...doubtful... woulda taken a few months to round up every available ANIMAL species...and countless years to determine which ones could be trained to walk backwards...by the time they woulda figured out which 2 ANIMALS they wanted to go with...they woulda been conquered and somebody else woulda designed Australia's coat of arms...probably outta kegs of Foster's Lager and a few Shrimp on the Barbie...kinda sad when ya think about it...some dumbass actually believes that's the sole reason EMUS and KANGAROOS got put on the coat of arms...pretty much says it all right there...we need a new law...if you can't formulate a cognitive thought of your own...you can't procreate...end of story...you get one shot...if ya f**k up...sew it shut or chop it off...no more pissin' around...we gotta start eliminating these people who get fully decked out in scuba gear just to go wading in two feet of water in their neighbors plastic kiddie pool...I mean seriously...what's next...I know...I'll offer an American twist on this tidbit...Dumbya couldn't speak forwards...and that's the sole reason he drooled on the arms of coats!!!
Boy those Australians are a crazy bunch aren't they...selecting a couple of animals who can't walk backwards to put on their coat of arms...here's an interesting little side note...several species in the animal kingdom can't walk backwards...and ya wanna know why??? Because they're ANIMALS...ya south of the equator idiots...they don't know they can walk backwards...and for most ANIMALS...emus and kangaroos included...walking backwards serves NO purpose...for the most part ANIMALS are prey for bigger...or smarter...ANIMALS...therefore walking in any direction is considered a leisurely past time that they can enjoy when there aren't bigger...or smarter...ANIMALS around who are hunting them... running seems to solve the problem of being something elses supper...running faster then all the animals of the same species...traveling in a herd or pack... significantly increases that particular animal's chances of survival...when ya stop to think about it... the only time humans tend to walk backwards is if they are helpin' another human carry an oversized object...or they're trying to retrace their steps out of a minefield...otherwise...we tend to face forward and conduct our business accordingly...NOW...if you wanna know how to determine which of the 2 humans moving an object is the smarter one...look at the one walking backwards...it isn't that one... that idiot can't see where he is going...and the one person they are trusting to keep them from suffering an injury has a very obstructed view of the path the moron is taking...most other ANIMALS come without opposable thumbs...making them useless...except as pets or protein...why didn't they put koalas and crocodiles on the damn coat of arms...ya don't see these things walking around backwards either... BTW...what's on the U.S.A.'s coat of arms...oh...that's right...we don't have one...because apparently we don't have any ANIMALS on this continent that can't walk backwards...we're just overrun with idiots who balk tackwards...they're called POL-I-TI-CIANS class...unless they're studying to be POL-I-TI-CIANS...in which case they're called LAW-YERS...and believe you me...these people can talk forward...backward...sideways...and out of their asses...all in the same breath...and it all smells the same NO matter which direction it came from...matter of fact I think the name...LAW-YERS... is actually an American misinterpretation...have ya ever been to New England...any of the states up there??? YES...NO...MAYBE...doesn't matter...point is...that is how the word LIARS comes out in that part of the countries distinct dialect...sounds exactly the same...LAW-YERS...LOI-ARS...dead ringer...case closed...that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard...emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards and that's the whole reason they are on the Australian coat of arms...truly worthy of it's own pedestal of ignorance...ya don't suppose that one of the reasons...and probably the MAIN REASON...if I had to take a stab at guessing what it was...is that when humans settled that continent 2 of the most PLENTIFUL ANIMALS on it were...EMUS and KANGAROOS...and that perhaps it wasn't discovered until some time later that these 2 ANIMALS couldn't walk backwards...because here's the thing...I don't give a shit how boring the journey across the ocean was to get there...they didn't sit on the ship thinkin' up dumbass ideas for the next continent's coat of arms...it's NOT as if they embarked on a mission to discover a specific continent...south of the equator...that had a couple of animals that couldn't walk backwards...and I'm fairly certain it wasn't like the crew sat around casting secret ballots from a specific set of choices revolving around the concept of creating this new coat of arms...#1 an awe inspiring coral reef...one of the biggest on the planet...coupled with Aborigines...the native people of the continent...#2 the outback...coupled with wild dogs that we'll later call Dingos...or #3 an ANIMAL who carries its young around in a pouch...and an ugly f**kin' bird like creature...(oh...and NEITHER of them can walk backwards or the deal is off)...and what they all voted for #3...searched the whole damn island and that's what they came up with...EMUS and KANGAROOS...doubtful... woulda taken a few months to round up every available ANIMAL species...and countless years to determine which ones could be trained to walk backwards...by the time they woulda figured out which 2 ANIMALS they wanted to go with...they woulda been conquered and somebody else woulda designed Australia's coat of arms...probably outta kegs of Foster's Lager and a few Shrimp on the Barbie...kinda sad when ya think about it...some dumbass actually believes that's the sole reason EMUS and KANGAROOS got put on the coat of arms...pretty much says it all right there...we need a new law...if you can't formulate a cognitive thought of your own...you can't procreate...end of story...you get one shot...if ya f**k up...sew it shut or chop it off...no more pissin' around...we gotta start eliminating these people who get fully decked out in scuba gear just to go wading in two feet of water in their neighbors plastic kiddie pool...I mean seriously...what's next...I know...I'll offer an American twist on this tidbit...Dumbya couldn't speak forwards...and that's the sole reason he drooled on the arms of coats!!!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
04/02/12
Cheech and Chong were awarded the first Bronze Taco award on July 24th, 1984...
First one has to know who Cheech and Chong are...if you find yourself among the morons who haven't any clue as to who these two gentleman are...get out of the house more often...the only acceptable excuse for not knowing who these two people are is that you were suffering from a drug induced coma by the time they came on the scene...Cheech and Chong were a very popular comedy duo in the 70's and 80's who promoted the use of marijuana...buncha damn heathens anyway...I'd be surprised if either one of them remember 1984...let alone receiving an award...there doesn't seem to be any available information on what an actual Bronze Taco Award is...except for it's inclusion in this tidbit...I spent as much time as I'm going to trying to find related material...so if you're not overly busy during an upcoming work day...knock yourself out...as far as I can tell it was probably an award made up specifically for these two Mexican-American stoners who doubled as comedians...Cheech and Chong have revived their comedy duo endeavors and are scheduled to release another full length feature film in the near future...how these two ended up with a 'bronze taco award'...and for what reason remains a mystery...at least as far as I'm concerned...cuz it really isn't significant...bronze awards are generally given to individuals or teams that come in 3rd place for an event...or are 3rd in the voting sponsored by others...keeping that information in mind...in conjunction with the fact that these two seemed to smoke an enormous amount of marijuana in their films...given that information...I might know a few people deserving of a Silver Taco award...and a few people who obviously are front runners for the coveted Gold Taco award in their futures...several states have legalized the use of medicinal marijuana...while others remain staunchly opposed to it's legalization in any form...and to those states I say BOLLOCKS...get with the times...alcohol has no medicinal qualities...okay sure...it can dull the pain of removing a bullet in old western movies...and I suppose it does have sterilizing effects on open wounds...if you can withstand the pain of pouring this liquid into an open wound...but aside from that the only award one has the opportunity to receive while abusing alcohol is a wrecked vehicle and possibly a wooden coffin...significantly less appealing than a Bronze Taco...Cheech and Chong were not advocates of the medicinal qualities of marijuana in their feature length films...resorting to showing what the recreational effects are more commonly associated with inducing...if you've NEVER seen one of their films...don't fret...they haven't seen any of your home videos either...but you might want to take a gander at what some of these films entail...prior to making your own personal views on the subject known...the government in this country doesn't see the benefits of marijuana as a medicinal supplement...or as a money making endeavor by allowing for it's recreational use...marijuana users don't seem to have enough life threatening accidents while driving...nor do they tend to break enough laws in support of their habit...this could have a direct impact on several government supported agencies if it were legalized across the board...we wouldn't need as many law enforcement employees...court rooms would be less crowded...and several prisons would sit empty and face possible closing procedures...and that doesn't sit well with the people who want to spend your hard earned money on creating new super prison facilities in order to contain these violent criminals...whose only mistake seems to be trying to locate a fast food restaurant that remains open late enough for them to find some affordable munchies...think about it...when was the last time you opened the local newspaper and flipped to the Police Blotter section and seen articles like...'Local area police engage in a foot chase of a vehicle being driven by a man suspected of using marijuana. Local law enforcement officials surrounded the vehicle after following it for 2 blocks to the Wendy's fast food drive thru...where they were able to remove the driver from the vehicle before he was involved in an accident with a light post that happened to be placed at the head of a parking space...the driver surrendered without incident while trying to enjoy his Frosty and Fries'...or...'A local area man was found unconscious in his studio apartment from an apparent attempt to smoke himself stupid...first responders noticed the distinct aroma of a hydro strain of killer weed when they entered the apartment...leading them to believe that the individual might have suicidal tendencies...the subject was taken to the local hospital for observation...upon regaining consciousness...the man appeared to be disoriented...unfamiliar with his surroundings...extremely thirsty...and nurses claim he ate his pillow mistaking it for a giant marshmallow'...you don't...because that would blow the governments stance against marijuana out of the water...kinda hard to keep marijuana categorized as a Class 1 narcotic capable of causing death or serious injury...if those who are using it don't actually die...or injure themselves while under the effects of using it...our newspapers and local TV stations are filled with articles and news items that relate stories of the ill effects of alcohol...devastating accidents...police chases...and the destruction of families...yet our prisons are filled with people who's only crime seems to be their never ending quest for their own Bronze Taco Award...and still there appears to be a simple solution to all of these problems...and it resides within the automotive industry...if the government in this country really wants to regulate driving habits of those under the influence of alcohol and drugs...have the auto makers incorporate ideas from one of the oldest known carnival rides in existence...it shouldn't be that difficult for Ford and GM to produce the different models of their respective vehicles in such a way to prevent deadly accidents and mishaps...BUMPER CARS people...that's where its at...put big rubber bouncy bumpers on all the vehicles...or better yet make the whole damn body outta rubber...that way you'll NOT only save lives...but you will have given people like me the necessary means to rid the highways of idiots who would probably drive better all f**ked up...install video cameras in every vehicle and you can do away with Crash Test Dummy procedures as well...I'll upload significant video material daily...I don't know what a Bronze Taco Award signifies...or why it was created...but I personally would rather see people driving down the roads of America holding up Bronze Tacos they won...rather than Brown Bottles they've just bought!!!
First one has to know who Cheech and Chong are...if you find yourself among the morons who haven't any clue as to who these two gentleman are...get out of the house more often...the only acceptable excuse for not knowing who these two people are is that you were suffering from a drug induced coma by the time they came on the scene...Cheech and Chong were a very popular comedy duo in the 70's and 80's who promoted the use of marijuana...buncha damn heathens anyway...I'd be surprised if either one of them remember 1984...let alone receiving an award...there doesn't seem to be any available information on what an actual Bronze Taco Award is...except for it's inclusion in this tidbit...I spent as much time as I'm going to trying to find related material...so if you're not overly busy during an upcoming work day...knock yourself out...as far as I can tell it was probably an award made up specifically for these two Mexican-American stoners who doubled as comedians...Cheech and Chong have revived their comedy duo endeavors and are scheduled to release another full length feature film in the near future...how these two ended up with a 'bronze taco award'...and for what reason remains a mystery...at least as far as I'm concerned...cuz it really isn't significant...bronze awards are generally given to individuals or teams that come in 3rd place for an event...or are 3rd in the voting sponsored by others...keeping that information in mind...in conjunction with the fact that these two seemed to smoke an enormous amount of marijuana in their films...given that information...I might know a few people deserving of a Silver Taco award...and a few people who obviously are front runners for the coveted Gold Taco award in their futures...several states have legalized the use of medicinal marijuana...while others remain staunchly opposed to it's legalization in any form...and to those states I say BOLLOCKS...get with the times...alcohol has no medicinal qualities...okay sure...it can dull the pain of removing a bullet in old western movies...and I suppose it does have sterilizing effects on open wounds...if you can withstand the pain of pouring this liquid into an open wound...but aside from that the only award one has the opportunity to receive while abusing alcohol is a wrecked vehicle and possibly a wooden coffin...significantly less appealing than a Bronze Taco...Cheech and Chong were not advocates of the medicinal qualities of marijuana in their feature length films...resorting to showing what the recreational effects are more commonly associated with inducing...if you've NEVER seen one of their films...don't fret...they haven't seen any of your home videos either...but you might want to take a gander at what some of these films entail...prior to making your own personal views on the subject known...the government in this country doesn't see the benefits of marijuana as a medicinal supplement...or as a money making endeavor by allowing for it's recreational use...marijuana users don't seem to have enough life threatening accidents while driving...nor do they tend to break enough laws in support of their habit...this could have a direct impact on several government supported agencies if it were legalized across the board...we wouldn't need as many law enforcement employees...court rooms would be less crowded...and several prisons would sit empty and face possible closing procedures...and that doesn't sit well with the people who want to spend your hard earned money on creating new super prison facilities in order to contain these violent criminals...whose only mistake seems to be trying to locate a fast food restaurant that remains open late enough for them to find some affordable munchies...think about it...when was the last time you opened the local newspaper and flipped to the Police Blotter section and seen articles like...'Local area police engage in a foot chase of a vehicle being driven by a man suspected of using marijuana. Local law enforcement officials surrounded the vehicle after following it for 2 blocks to the Wendy's fast food drive thru...where they were able to remove the driver from the vehicle before he was involved in an accident with a light post that happened to be placed at the head of a parking space...the driver surrendered without incident while trying to enjoy his Frosty and Fries'...or...'A local area man was found unconscious in his studio apartment from an apparent attempt to smoke himself stupid...first responders noticed the distinct aroma of a hydro strain of killer weed when they entered the apartment...leading them to believe that the individual might have suicidal tendencies...the subject was taken to the local hospital for observation...upon regaining consciousness...the man appeared to be disoriented...unfamiliar with his surroundings...extremely thirsty...and nurses claim he ate his pillow mistaking it for a giant marshmallow'...you don't...because that would blow the governments stance against marijuana out of the water...kinda hard to keep marijuana categorized as a Class 1 narcotic capable of causing death or serious injury...if those who are using it don't actually die...or injure themselves while under the effects of using it...our newspapers and local TV stations are filled with articles and news items that relate stories of the ill effects of alcohol...devastating accidents...police chases...and the destruction of families...yet our prisons are filled with people who's only crime seems to be their never ending quest for their own Bronze Taco Award...and still there appears to be a simple solution to all of these problems...and it resides within the automotive industry...if the government in this country really wants to regulate driving habits of those under the influence of alcohol and drugs...have the auto makers incorporate ideas from one of the oldest known carnival rides in existence...it shouldn't be that difficult for Ford and GM to produce the different models of their respective vehicles in such a way to prevent deadly accidents and mishaps...BUMPER CARS people...that's where its at...put big rubber bouncy bumpers on all the vehicles...or better yet make the whole damn body outta rubber...that way you'll NOT only save lives...but you will have given people like me the necessary means to rid the highways of idiots who would probably drive better all f**ked up...install video cameras in every vehicle and you can do away with Crash Test Dummy procedures as well...I'll upload significant video material daily...I don't know what a Bronze Taco Award signifies...or why it was created...but I personally would rather see people driving down the roads of America holding up Bronze Tacos they won...rather than Brown Bottles they've just bought!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)