Wearing headphones for just one hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times...
Ya know...it's very seldom that we come across pure unbridled ignorance such as this...but when we do... it really makes my day...this guy apparently studied the effects of externally mounted...head worn accessories...and math...in the same cubically enclosed containment area...maybe he shoulda used the larger handi-capable stall for his studying purposes...I wore protective headphones for several years without encountering the presence of brain sucking bacteria...as a matter of fact...under the circumstances that I found these things useful...working in an iron casting manufacturing facility...they probably did more than protect my hearing...they probably kept out at least a ton of dirt and silicon dust that would have otherwise resulted in significant loss of hearing...oh who am I kidding...I hafta lip-read television shows under 5000 decibels...but here's another thing that this moron of mythology left rather vaguely depicted...700 times...700 times what??? 700 times worse than if you wandered around without earphones??? Seriously??? What...do we all possess some sorta magical...Jack and the Beanstalk/ Mexican Jumping Bean Bacteria in our auditory canals??? Does this stuff require an easy exit facility in order to fall out and function other epiderdermally dysfunctional...rapidly decaying... degradation procedures??? And even if it did...wouldn't the headphones just provide a holding station until they were removed??? It is ridiculously implausible to think that using protective headphones...or even the ear bud version associated with teenage idiots who can seem to securely fasten their pants above mid thigh...increases ones potential for creating an overwhelming abundance of ear boogers... relative scientific study...conducted by keeping up with modern technology and the cellular accessories one would associate with optimal use of the ear canal...in conjunction with the fact that most customers purchasing these products tend to buy only one...and not to mention the absence of an ear booger bacteria epidemic being related in any Journal of Modern Medicine...it would seem rather common sensical...(see what being subjected to 8 years of bad grammar and word modification does to ya)...for anyone capable of logical thinking above a 3rd grade level...to find it rather suspicious that enclosing microscopic auditory canal crawling bacteria...would encourage them to multiply like rabbits on Viagra...otherwise we'd be seeing a lot more one eared...inconsiderate assholes carrying on conversations thru the speakers of their phones...instead of the blue tooth ear piece that suffered them the loss of a vital part of their support system for their optical enhancing devices...making their glasses semm lopsided...or creating a unique head-tilting feature that straightens out the eyewear...but causes unenjoyable pressure on the skeletal corridor that carrys the weight of the cranium...and tends to put added stress on the remaining...bacteria filled...booger shooting sound receptacle...creating catastrophic load bearing requirements that result in the epidermal erosion of the outer ear connection...which in turn allows all the free flowing auditory fungus to flee thru a different portal...thereby ending in complete and total...deformation and detachment...of the only things that prevent bald men from looking like Q-tips...and that my friends would be the beginning of the death and destruction of modern technology...future generations would roam the streets in capable of communicating by oral command...the infrastructure of the cellular communications network would collapse...and the History Channel would air shows that could only be interpreted as Charades...the relative story telling of human history would be misinterpreted in such profound new ways...that lawyers slaughtering the subject matter of the U.S. Constitution would seem like Child's Play...I'll continue preaching til the day your ears fall off...from improper headphone accessory applications...to view the things you hear...read...or see...from different perspectives...otherwise you're capable of missing things like... relative social impact of the suffering the sage seems to be spouting off about...because here's the thing...people lose their hearing as time passes by...regardless of whether you wear bacteria bottling headphones or NOT...and when you get to be a certain age...the miniature bugs that may be multiplying behind those ear buds...are of far less concern than the follicle forest that seems to have found a formidable foothold on the outer rim of the inner ridge of these...bacteria filled fungus flingers...I'm more curious about where these rapidly growing...ear foilage...and nasal flora... formations come from...small microscopic sound disrupting bacteria...NOT a problem...ear twigs and nasal trees...cause for concern...it takes a matter of minutes to use some Hydrogen Peroxide to clean out my hearing chambers...it takes hours of intensive...exhaustive labor to rip thru and remove the roots of these lumber-some follicle leeches...a mirror or willing participant...and tweezers capable of maintaining...Jaws of Life like gripping capabilities...good lord...you would thin that with the receding ebb...and incresing flow...of society's acceptance of same sex companionships...that one of these light in the loafers...quasi-ladies...would come up with something that could help limit the amount of lumber like protrusions emanating from sensory enhancing receptacle cavities...I mean...COME ON...there has to be some justifiable reason for them to look appealing enough to potential 'Pitchers'...otherwise we are all in peril of possibly having to play Pictionary when our ears fall off from bad hygiene... commonly associated with piss poor bacteria imprisoning procedures...one recieves thru the considerate usage of headphones!!!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
03/28/12
A 2" X 4" really only measures 1-1/2" X 3-1/2"...
This tidbit...altho entirely true...has not always been the case...originally a 2 x 4 was exactly that...a board of lumber measuring 2 inches by 4 inches...as happens with most things during the evolution process...things changed...women were awarded their rights...as some believe they should have been...and proceeded to find gainful employment within various fields of the construction industry...it was during this time that the 2 x 4 actually changed its dimensional appearance...men who had been working their entire field in the construction industry had grown accustomed to lying to their wives...and/or girlfriends about the size and girth of similar anatomic appendages or protrusions...to such an extent that in order for their secret to remain firmly out of reach of the female species...drastic reduction to the overall size of 'natural' wood materials was inevitable...couldn't have Heidi Homebuilder coming home from the jobsite...hoppin in the shower with her husband Harry...and proclaiming that his plank of 'wood' didn't actually measure out to be 10"...but more closely resembled an inch and a half...that is the sole reason for the reduction of material associated with exact measurements...if Heidi hits the workplace thinking that a 2 x 4 actually and accurately represents a specific measurement...she is more likely to buy into husband Harry's bloated 'board' measurements regarding his own belongings...that or it was a simple process of wood mills wanting to make more money by shaving down their standard products an advertising them as representative of the actual width and depth...unfortunately this translated into homes that are inferiorly built in comparison to their older ancestors...take a look around next time you're out driving thru the countryside...you'll probably run across an old farmhouse with a Centennial placard in the front yard signifying that the house has stood in that present location for over a hundred years...while right down the road there'll be a brand new house just being moved into that will stand in that present location for approximately 50 years before needing significant remodeling...it's a process people...called supply and demand...one that the wood mills of this world seemed to grasp firmly from its inception...if you don't create the DEMAND for your products you won't need to worry about providing the SUPPLY because you'll be out of business...this concept runs rampant in the products we use every day...automobiles included...remember when you could ride in a vehicle...as a kid...standing up between the front bucket seats...without worrying about safety belts and air-bags...that's because the vehicles were made out of materials that lasted longer...even the oil companies have jumped on board...there used to be a time in this country when auto manufacturers offered their respective models with maintenance guidelines that suggested changing the oil every 5,000 miles...these days you can't go around the block to get breakfast without needing to replace something...it's gotten ridiculously outta control...and all because of greed... if you really wanna f**k with somebody...go to your local lumberyard and buy a quantity of 2 x 4's...load them into the truck...take them home for a few hours...then return to the store and demand to speak to the manager...inform them that you are going to be filing a lawsuit for false advertising...demand to be re-imbursed for the missing material you have already paid for...this really chaps their asses...because 9 times out of 10...the sales invoice will still list them product as a 2 x 4...and the threat of suing over false advertising practices usually makes a business owners asshole pucker...NOTHING screams of bad advertising like being wrapped up in a lawsuit with a local community member...who won't keep their mouth shut...could result in a small financial windfall if you play your cards right...regardless of the real reasons behind this travesty...one thing to keep in mind if you were unfamiliar with this false advertising procedure before today...is the relative size of other things men describe with enthusiasm...chances are the guy braggin about his canyon carving capabilities while pissin in the great outdoors...couldn't fill the hole left by the pointy end of a tack in a piece of drywall...it's the ones who keep quiet who really lay down the lumber ladies...and on that note...I'll shut up...LMAO!!!
This tidbit...altho entirely true...has not always been the case...originally a 2 x 4 was exactly that...a board of lumber measuring 2 inches by 4 inches...as happens with most things during the evolution process...things changed...women were awarded their rights...as some believe they should have been...and proceeded to find gainful employment within various fields of the construction industry...it was during this time that the 2 x 4 actually changed its dimensional appearance...men who had been working their entire field in the construction industry had grown accustomed to lying to their wives...and/or girlfriends about the size and girth of similar anatomic appendages or protrusions...to such an extent that in order for their secret to remain firmly out of reach of the female species...drastic reduction to the overall size of 'natural' wood materials was inevitable...couldn't have Heidi Homebuilder coming home from the jobsite...hoppin in the shower with her husband Harry...and proclaiming that his plank of 'wood' didn't actually measure out to be 10"...but more closely resembled an inch and a half...that is the sole reason for the reduction of material associated with exact measurements...if Heidi hits the workplace thinking that a 2 x 4 actually and accurately represents a specific measurement...she is more likely to buy into husband Harry's bloated 'board' measurements regarding his own belongings...that or it was a simple process of wood mills wanting to make more money by shaving down their standard products an advertising them as representative of the actual width and depth...unfortunately this translated into homes that are inferiorly built in comparison to their older ancestors...take a look around next time you're out driving thru the countryside...you'll probably run across an old farmhouse with a Centennial placard in the front yard signifying that the house has stood in that present location for over a hundred years...while right down the road there'll be a brand new house just being moved into that will stand in that present location for approximately 50 years before needing significant remodeling...it's a process people...called supply and demand...one that the wood mills of this world seemed to grasp firmly from its inception...if you don't create the DEMAND for your products you won't need to worry about providing the SUPPLY because you'll be out of business...this concept runs rampant in the products we use every day...automobiles included...remember when you could ride in a vehicle...as a kid...standing up between the front bucket seats...without worrying about safety belts and air-bags...that's because the vehicles were made out of materials that lasted longer...even the oil companies have jumped on board...there used to be a time in this country when auto manufacturers offered their respective models with maintenance guidelines that suggested changing the oil every 5,000 miles...these days you can't go around the block to get breakfast without needing to replace something...it's gotten ridiculously outta control...and all because of greed... if you really wanna f**k with somebody...go to your local lumberyard and buy a quantity of 2 x 4's...load them into the truck...take them home for a few hours...then return to the store and demand to speak to the manager...inform them that you are going to be filing a lawsuit for false advertising...demand to be re-imbursed for the missing material you have already paid for...this really chaps their asses...because 9 times out of 10...the sales invoice will still list them product as a 2 x 4...and the threat of suing over false advertising practices usually makes a business owners asshole pucker...NOTHING screams of bad advertising like being wrapped up in a lawsuit with a local community member...who won't keep their mouth shut...could result in a small financial windfall if you play your cards right...regardless of the real reasons behind this travesty...one thing to keep in mind if you were unfamiliar with this false advertising procedure before today...is the relative size of other things men describe with enthusiasm...chances are the guy braggin about his canyon carving capabilities while pissin in the great outdoors...couldn't fill the hole left by the pointy end of a tack in a piece of drywall...it's the ones who keep quiet who really lay down the lumber ladies...and on that note...I'll shut up...LMAO!!!
03/27/12
Courduroy comes from the French, meaning "cloth of the King"...
This is a rather funny piece of information...who wasn't forced to wear some obnoxious bell bottomed version of courduroy pants by their parents back in the '70's??? Yeah...I was too...and if ya know her personally she probably has some really ugly ass pictures of me dressed up in them somewhere in her volumes of photo albums that I can't wait to inherit...just kiddin' Ma...keep them as long as you want them...I'm in NO rush to relive those godawful Saturday Night Fever Fashion Faux Paus things you used to dress us up in...if courduroy is such a regal material from which to sew together strips of cloth for external appearance enhancing qualities...why does it make fat people sound like a cricket with a club foot trying to determine the current temperature during warm weather conditions??? The only advantage courduroy ever provided was a reasonable excuse for covering the sound of an anally lifted air biscuit...I don't know why Kings would want to claim it...it's NOT like it was a quiet material suitable for sneaking around the castle at night looking for some nookie...I mean a cookie...I don't know why the shit still exists...it's a loud obnoxious material that extremely overweight individuals seem to insist on wearing when all their spandex applications are dirty...ya ever thought you heard a hundred hivves of bees fly by...all in a sudden blinding dash of khaki colored light...that was a fat man flyin for the shitter...ya wanna know where I intend to use courduroy next??? Thought ya might so here is my grand plan...I'm going to have the interior lining of my casket sewn in courduroy...thats right...for practical joke purposes right up to the end...I'll incorporate subtle hydraulic systems with motion detecting equipment...which hopefully I will live to see advance beyond visibly detected laser beams...all that in conjunction with personalized audio recordings and a specific schedule for order of appearance at the side of the casket...should allow for some rather engaging episodes of eruptive laughter...when certain people approach...a simple shit of the casket should produce the slightest sound of alleviating any residual methane gas stored in the rectal cavity...an audio clip placing blame on the unsuspecting...teary-eyed visitor might serve to lighten the mood a little...because one things for sure...those familiar with some of my life's activities can't say that it was a dull adventure...there'll be a video montage of greatest moments...clearing out the room that housed The Hope Diamond at the Smithsonian...episodes of emergency evacuation along some interstate on the eastern seaboard...gall bladder removal related adventures out into public settings that damn near ended in terms often associated with Natural Disasters...enjoyable moments of meditation under the influence of medicine during relative testing and surgical procedures...funny stories surrounding midnight encounters with bored State Police officers who were so astonished at my incredible wit and sense of humor that they let me go with a warning when they could have locked me up and impounded my car...I really wasn't going that fast...considering the hour and absence of influential traffic...triple digit odometer readings aren't necessarily excessive...or are they??? Anyway...as I was saying...courduroy encased casketry could be a new line of work for me...hey if anyone can sell the idea...I can...just think of the endearing qualities of courduroy as a casketable interior application...less susceptible to corpse slippage than satin...keeps the noise of thumps and bumps created by transporting the deceased to their final resting place to a barely audible experience for all the affected...courduroy is also more resistant to worm feeding methods and should serve to protect the integrity of an old bag of flesh and bones for at least 3 more months than traditional satin or simple cloth sheeting...and let's NOT forget it's Empirical aesthetic appeal...who wouldn't want to be buried like a King even if they lived like a pauper...this could be the rebirthing idea of the century...Kevin's Colorful Cost Efficient Courduroy Caskets...available in an assortment of nasty ass shades...Pea Soup Green...Perfectly Plum Purple... Baby Shit Shades of Squash and Cranberries...oh the possibilities are endless...all I need is some financial backing for some of these ideas and I'd be a Copyright millionaire in a coupla millenia...cuz by then I'm sure somebody somewhere will have tried them...or better yet...I'll open an online shop that specializes in custom color matching courduroy suits and colostomy bags...that way everybody will think that smell you're toting around in your shit sack is coming from those lovely sounds of anal alleviation you create while walking...Anybody who wants to get in on the ground floor of these vividly imaginative...forward thinking...futuristic concepts can send cash or money order contributions to me personally thru Google Checkout or Paypal Services!!!
This is a rather funny piece of information...who wasn't forced to wear some obnoxious bell bottomed version of courduroy pants by their parents back in the '70's??? Yeah...I was too...and if ya know her personally she probably has some really ugly ass pictures of me dressed up in them somewhere in her volumes of photo albums that I can't wait to inherit...just kiddin' Ma...keep them as long as you want them...I'm in NO rush to relive those godawful Saturday Night Fever Fashion Faux Paus things you used to dress us up in...if courduroy is such a regal material from which to sew together strips of cloth for external appearance enhancing qualities...why does it make fat people sound like a cricket with a club foot trying to determine the current temperature during warm weather conditions??? The only advantage courduroy ever provided was a reasonable excuse for covering the sound of an anally lifted air biscuit...I don't know why Kings would want to claim it...it's NOT like it was a quiet material suitable for sneaking around the castle at night looking for some nookie...I mean a cookie...I don't know why the shit still exists...it's a loud obnoxious material that extremely overweight individuals seem to insist on wearing when all their spandex applications are dirty...ya ever thought you heard a hundred hivves of bees fly by...all in a sudden blinding dash of khaki colored light...that was a fat man flyin for the shitter...ya wanna know where I intend to use courduroy next??? Thought ya might so here is my grand plan...I'm going to have the interior lining of my casket sewn in courduroy...thats right...for practical joke purposes right up to the end...I'll incorporate subtle hydraulic systems with motion detecting equipment...which hopefully I will live to see advance beyond visibly detected laser beams...all that in conjunction with personalized audio recordings and a specific schedule for order of appearance at the side of the casket...should allow for some rather engaging episodes of eruptive laughter...when certain people approach...a simple shit of the casket should produce the slightest sound of alleviating any residual methane gas stored in the rectal cavity...an audio clip placing blame on the unsuspecting...teary-eyed visitor might serve to lighten the mood a little...because one things for sure...those familiar with some of my life's activities can't say that it was a dull adventure...there'll be a video montage of greatest moments...clearing out the room that housed The Hope Diamond at the Smithsonian...episodes of emergency evacuation along some interstate on the eastern seaboard...gall bladder removal related adventures out into public settings that damn near ended in terms often associated with Natural Disasters...enjoyable moments of meditation under the influence of medicine during relative testing and surgical procedures...funny stories surrounding midnight encounters with bored State Police officers who were so astonished at my incredible wit and sense of humor that they let me go with a warning when they could have locked me up and impounded my car...I really wasn't going that fast...considering the hour and absence of influential traffic...triple digit odometer readings aren't necessarily excessive...or are they??? Anyway...as I was saying...courduroy encased casketry could be a new line of work for me...hey if anyone can sell the idea...I can...just think of the endearing qualities of courduroy as a casketable interior application...less susceptible to corpse slippage than satin...keeps the noise of thumps and bumps created by transporting the deceased to their final resting place to a barely audible experience for all the affected...courduroy is also more resistant to worm feeding methods and should serve to protect the integrity of an old bag of flesh and bones for at least 3 more months than traditional satin or simple cloth sheeting...and let's NOT forget it's Empirical aesthetic appeal...who wouldn't want to be buried like a King even if they lived like a pauper...this could be the rebirthing idea of the century...Kevin's Colorful Cost Efficient Courduroy Caskets...available in an assortment of nasty ass shades...Pea Soup Green...Perfectly Plum Purple... Baby Shit Shades of Squash and Cranberries...oh the possibilities are endless...all I need is some financial backing for some of these ideas and I'd be a Copyright millionaire in a coupla millenia...cuz by then I'm sure somebody somewhere will have tried them...or better yet...I'll open an online shop that specializes in custom color matching courduroy suits and colostomy bags...that way everybody will think that smell you're toting around in your shit sack is coming from those lovely sounds of anal alleviation you create while walking...Anybody who wants to get in on the ground floor of these vividly imaginative...forward thinking...futuristic concepts can send cash or money order contributions to me personally thru Google Checkout or Paypal Services!!!
Monday, March 26, 2012
03/26/12
Average number of days a West German goes without washing their underwear: 7
That should be NO big surprise to anyone of the female gender who has ever done laundry...for themselves...or a whole family...laundry is not an everyday chore...want proof...I don't wear restrictive undergarments of any sort...however I do wear clothes...and the average number of days they go without being washed: 7...once a week...because contrary to popular belief...the local laundr-o-mat is not a haven for picking up hot women...and I have other shit I'd like to do with my life than make sure all the clothes I'm not currently wearing are 100% clean...I have more...as long as they're NOT strewn all over the floor...the hamper isn't overflowing...and I can still find something on a hanger in the closet...who needs to do assloads of laundry??? This tidbit was a well crafted disguise to see who was actually paying attention...NO I didn't come up with it myself...but I give mad appreciation to the like minded genius who did...I'll bet more than half of you read that initial statement and thought...THAT'S GROSS... when in actuality...everyone of you who is absent a clothes cleaning OCD probably does the very same thing...think about it...today is Monday...if you're ass doesn't wash the clothes you're currently wearing before the weekend...which by the way was when you last did laundry...then you have great potential for living in West Germany as an American ex-patriate...it's funny when you see people read something...or hear something...and they curl up their nose and scrunch up their faces... like they just gotta big whiff of Sasquatch shit and 3 month old garbage...only to see their reaction... at times like these...when it is finally revealed to them that the very thing they turned their nose up to just a mere matter of moments ago...they too are more than guilty of...NOW...had the tidbit informed us that these people living in West Germany didn't change their underwear for an average of 7 days...I probably woulda informed those of you familiar with WWII history...as seen thru my eyes...that the overwhelming...pungent...genital stench spewing forth from the Western side of Germany...was the sole reason for the construction of the Berlin Wall...the prevailing jet stream...which is created by the earth's rotational spin...runs West to East...this incomprehensible concept for some...is what pushed this squallid...ball-sac...spoiled yeast and yogurt...anally accented aroma to permeate the Eastern side of Berlin...which...if viewed from that perspective...sheds a whole new light on the war-time 'atrocities' that were committed by Hitler's Nazi regime...they weren't rounding up tattooed bald people for gassing...just so they could exterminate a race of people they found despicable...they were trying to stiffle the smell of those shit smellin'...sheep farmers...who didn't wash for a week...they had tried several other methods of masking the smell to NO avail...apparently preparing human flesh with a burning...suffocating material like noxious gas...allowing the bodies to marinade in it until they stopped moving...and then burning them in huge abundance was all it took to firmly stomp out the smell of their freedom loving family and friends who couldn't afford water...now I'm NOT trying to condone what occured over there during that war...often times I use different groups of people in my daily commentary...sometimes to make light of an unsavorable situation...and if that bothers any of you...SO WHAT...it's my blog...deal with it...LOL...no but seriously...certain ethnicities associated with atrocities throughout human history...seem to feel that they deserve a special status...or that they are OWED something...and I guess to a degree...I agree with them...if you personally...as a member of an ethnicity...or religious group...or whatever conglomeration of crap you belong too...have been systematically subjected to cruel...unusual...inhumane acts against the entire lot of your kind...you are a survivor of said atrocity...and feel that somebody OWES you something...I say...GO GET IT...FROM THEM...those who committed the act against your kind...don't stand around for 30-40-50 years and keep cryin' the same old bullshit...we are all aware of how bad the Nazi's treated the Jews...but...if you are devoutly religious...and believe in a faith involving Jesus Christ as the one true Son of God...the you know there isn't one single Jew in heaven...killing the Creator's only heir to the throne...granted he'll NEVER get to sit in it either way...dead or alive...is a crime punishable by eternal damnation in a place called HELL...maybe the Nazi's were just trying to speed up the process...I'm well aware that several people exist today who are direct descendants of the people who were lead into those gas chambers...and they're probably extremely offended if they happen to be reading this...and that really is sad...because here's the thing...your people killed Jesus...and were eventually used to mask an unpleasant aroma to the tune of a couple million...they were then given reparations for the atrocities committed against them in the form of ill-gotten spoils...awarded to ease the pain and suffering...finally ending up owning every square inch of available space in Hollywood...and damn near every financial institution in America...and WE were the ones who saved them...WTF...maybe we shoulda waited a couple more years before getting involved...suddenly sacrificing American soldiers in Europe in trade for a future full of movies out of Hollywood that shoulda stayed in unread book form...and a shitty economy...doesn't seem like such a good decision does it...sure we coulda dropped the bombs on Germany instead of Japan...and tried to fight a naval battle chasing ships around an island spotted open ocean...but that isn't what happened...apparently you can't use nuclear weapons as a trump card against dictators who use gas on people...even tho it wasn't in order to mask the smell of 7 day old... sweat stained...shit dweller's...and when ya stop to think about the message that would have sent to the global public...we probably wouldn't have half the problems we do today...drop a bomb on the gas-loving Nazi's during WWII...you'd have solid evidence to point to when threatening other countries...Iraq steps outta control in 1991...invades another country...is accused of gassing Kurds...hey dipshit...did you see what we did in WWII...and they were trying to cover up the smell of dirty socks and underwear...they woulda backed the hell outta Kuwait in hours...instead we sent the message that if you sink all of our boats when we decide to park them next to each other in a closed and confined space...we will take the technology we stole from the scientists of the gas-friendly German regime...and try and annihilate you're entire country...yet you don't seem to hear the people of Japan cry about what we did to millions of their ancestors...NOT over several years...in a SINGLE DAY...and you know why...because we are a country that isn't concerned with the war-time atrocities we commit against others...we are only concerned with the atrocities they commit against others... that's a very omnipotent characteristic that has been present in every FAILED Empire throughout history...if we are NOT careful and concerned for those who volunteer their lives in support of an Imperialistic effort towrds worldwide...'DEMOCRACY'...as it is often misnamed...we may find ourselves one day sharing a southern border with a buncha people who only bathe when they're swimming for our shores...or be invaded and conquered by a country that can't seem to control it's population within it's own borders...and NOT necessarily in a militaristic style...or have those two things already happened??? Where are my 7 day old...skid-marked...skivvies when I need them?!?!
That should be NO big surprise to anyone of the female gender who has ever done laundry...for themselves...or a whole family...laundry is not an everyday chore...want proof...I don't wear restrictive undergarments of any sort...however I do wear clothes...and the average number of days they go without being washed: 7...once a week...because contrary to popular belief...the local laundr-o-mat is not a haven for picking up hot women...and I have other shit I'd like to do with my life than make sure all the clothes I'm not currently wearing are 100% clean...I have more...as long as they're NOT strewn all over the floor...the hamper isn't overflowing...and I can still find something on a hanger in the closet...who needs to do assloads of laundry??? This tidbit was a well crafted disguise to see who was actually paying attention...NO I didn't come up with it myself...but I give mad appreciation to the like minded genius who did...I'll bet more than half of you read that initial statement and thought...THAT'S GROSS... when in actuality...everyone of you who is absent a clothes cleaning OCD probably does the very same thing...think about it...today is Monday...if you're ass doesn't wash the clothes you're currently wearing before the weekend...which by the way was when you last did laundry...then you have great potential for living in West Germany as an American ex-patriate...it's funny when you see people read something...or hear something...and they curl up their nose and scrunch up their faces... like they just gotta big whiff of Sasquatch shit and 3 month old garbage...only to see their reaction... at times like these...when it is finally revealed to them that the very thing they turned their nose up to just a mere matter of moments ago...they too are more than guilty of...NOW...had the tidbit informed us that these people living in West Germany didn't change their underwear for an average of 7 days...I probably woulda informed those of you familiar with WWII history...as seen thru my eyes...that the overwhelming...pungent...genital stench spewing forth from the Western side of Germany...was the sole reason for the construction of the Berlin Wall...the prevailing jet stream...which is created by the earth's rotational spin...runs West to East...this incomprehensible concept for some...is what pushed this squallid...ball-sac...spoiled yeast and yogurt...anally accented aroma to permeate the Eastern side of Berlin...which...if viewed from that perspective...sheds a whole new light on the war-time 'atrocities' that were committed by Hitler's Nazi regime...they weren't rounding up tattooed bald people for gassing...just so they could exterminate a race of people they found despicable...they were trying to stiffle the smell of those shit smellin'...sheep farmers...who didn't wash for a week...they had tried several other methods of masking the smell to NO avail...apparently preparing human flesh with a burning...suffocating material like noxious gas...allowing the bodies to marinade in it until they stopped moving...and then burning them in huge abundance was all it took to firmly stomp out the smell of their freedom loving family and friends who couldn't afford water...now I'm NOT trying to condone what occured over there during that war...often times I use different groups of people in my daily commentary...sometimes to make light of an unsavorable situation...and if that bothers any of you...SO WHAT...it's my blog...deal with it...LOL...no but seriously...certain ethnicities associated with atrocities throughout human history...seem to feel that they deserve a special status...or that they are OWED something...and I guess to a degree...I agree with them...if you personally...as a member of an ethnicity...or religious group...or whatever conglomeration of crap you belong too...have been systematically subjected to cruel...unusual...inhumane acts against the entire lot of your kind...you are a survivor of said atrocity...and feel that somebody OWES you something...I say...GO GET IT...FROM THEM...those who committed the act against your kind...don't stand around for 30-40-50 years and keep cryin' the same old bullshit...we are all aware of how bad the Nazi's treated the Jews...but...if you are devoutly religious...and believe in a faith involving Jesus Christ as the one true Son of God...the you know there isn't one single Jew in heaven...killing the Creator's only heir to the throne...granted he'll NEVER get to sit in it either way...dead or alive...is a crime punishable by eternal damnation in a place called HELL...maybe the Nazi's were just trying to speed up the process...I'm well aware that several people exist today who are direct descendants of the people who were lead into those gas chambers...and they're probably extremely offended if they happen to be reading this...and that really is sad...because here's the thing...your people killed Jesus...and were eventually used to mask an unpleasant aroma to the tune of a couple million...they were then given reparations for the atrocities committed against them in the form of ill-gotten spoils...awarded to ease the pain and suffering...finally ending up owning every square inch of available space in Hollywood...and damn near every financial institution in America...and WE were the ones who saved them...WTF...maybe we shoulda waited a couple more years before getting involved...suddenly sacrificing American soldiers in Europe in trade for a future full of movies out of Hollywood that shoulda stayed in unread book form...and a shitty economy...doesn't seem like such a good decision does it...sure we coulda dropped the bombs on Germany instead of Japan...and tried to fight a naval battle chasing ships around an island spotted open ocean...but that isn't what happened...apparently you can't use nuclear weapons as a trump card against dictators who use gas on people...even tho it wasn't in order to mask the smell of 7 day old... sweat stained...shit dweller's...and when ya stop to think about the message that would have sent to the global public...we probably wouldn't have half the problems we do today...drop a bomb on the gas-loving Nazi's during WWII...you'd have solid evidence to point to when threatening other countries...Iraq steps outta control in 1991...invades another country...is accused of gassing Kurds...hey dipshit...did you see what we did in WWII...and they were trying to cover up the smell of dirty socks and underwear...they woulda backed the hell outta Kuwait in hours...instead we sent the message that if you sink all of our boats when we decide to park them next to each other in a closed and confined space...we will take the technology we stole from the scientists of the gas-friendly German regime...and try and annihilate you're entire country...yet you don't seem to hear the people of Japan cry about what we did to millions of their ancestors...NOT over several years...in a SINGLE DAY...and you know why...because we are a country that isn't concerned with the war-time atrocities we commit against others...we are only concerned with the atrocities they commit against others... that's a very omnipotent characteristic that has been present in every FAILED Empire throughout history...if we are NOT careful and concerned for those who volunteer their lives in support of an Imperialistic effort towrds worldwide...'DEMOCRACY'...as it is often misnamed...we may find ourselves one day sharing a southern border with a buncha people who only bathe when they're swimming for our shores...or be invaded and conquered by a country that can't seem to control it's population within it's own borders...and NOT necessarily in a militaristic style...or have those two things already happened??? Where are my 7 day old...skid-marked...skivvies when I need them?!?!
Friday, March 23, 2012
03/23/12
The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in WWII killed the only elephant in the zoo...
Ya know...due to certain daily tidbit lore that is provided by Momma from who knows how many different websites...I have had to become more familiar with WWII history than I'd like to...on occasion it takes a couple moments of extensive research to afford myself the knowledge of all pertinent information...this is NOT one of those times...but I just thought I'd point that out...lol...this sentence at first glance...might give the American reader moment to pause...notice I said American reader there...remember that for it may come into play later in the story...isn't this fun...each one of these is like a little roller coaster ride thru my own warped way of looking at things...and you are all the crash test dummies...hey that's what you are when you don't have to buy a ticket to enjoy the show...so shut up or I'll make it go faster...NOW...where were we...Oh yes...might give the American reader moment to pause...wondering...how in the hell did we drop our first bomb on the zoo...who was the idiot flying that plane...and what did he think all those animals in the bomb sight thing-a-ma-jig were...some sorta Nazi experiment gone wrong...(didn't we cover that yesterday???) Didn't I say shut up...but here's where the American reader needs to pay attention to exactly what the tidbit tells us...for we've covered these waste of space whine asses a time or two already...and in recent blog post to I might add...the FIRST bomb dropped by the ALLIES...is the clue that eludes to the truth of the matter...WE...the U.S. of A....weren't members of the ALLIES when the FIRST bomb was dropped...therefore it had to be a British pilot who committed this beautiful display of errant bomb dropping bravado...because it couldn't have been the French...the only thing those wannabe saved by real soldier Samaritans were capable of flying was a white flag...which doesn't require much of a pilot...and doesn't have the dimensional capabilities nor structural strength to carry and deliver bombs...SO...now we've narrowed down the...'who'...part of the equation...but what is the...WHY??? Well the 'why' would involve another toast eating tea breaker...Winston Churchill...who mistakenly ordered this bomb to be dropped...thinking it would end the war rather quickly...saving thousands of lives and giving Great Britain an enormous amount of face on the international scene...thank god that plan failed...can you imagine where we would be with those stodgy old bastards playing World Police... ... ... ... ... ...WOW...that was scary...okay I'm back...(I know some of you are anxious to know what would cause Winston Churchill to concoct such an ill conceived war plan...and can't wait to get back to work and into the weekend...so I'll try and keep this short)...British Intelligence of the period was much like American Intelligence during the Double Dubya Era...(completely ignorant of any useful information...and yet...quite capable of passing erroneous information all the way up the Chain of Command)...anyway...British loving subversives in the German hierarchy sent message thru back channels to London with this message..."Hitler is an arrogant ass...what can Berlin do?"...by the time it had been passed form enough German mouths to British ears...and carried to the desk of Mr. Winston Churchill it had erroneously been translated to read..."Hitler is an elephants ass...working at the Berlin zoo!"...and that my friends is how I like to think that little piece of history unfolded...I know...completely off the wall and extremely far fetched...worthy of Hollywood consideration is what you're sayin' then...(ya know...it's times like these I like to sing myself a little song...'Isn't-he-love-ly...isn't-he-WON-DER-FUL???)...LMAO...have a GREAT WEEKEND!!!
Ya know...due to certain daily tidbit lore that is provided by Momma from who knows how many different websites...I have had to become more familiar with WWII history than I'd like to...on occasion it takes a couple moments of extensive research to afford myself the knowledge of all pertinent information...this is NOT one of those times...but I just thought I'd point that out...lol...this sentence at first glance...might give the American reader moment to pause...notice I said American reader there...remember that for it may come into play later in the story...isn't this fun...each one of these is like a little roller coaster ride thru my own warped way of looking at things...and you are all the crash test dummies...hey that's what you are when you don't have to buy a ticket to enjoy the show...so shut up or I'll make it go faster...NOW...where were we...Oh yes...might give the American reader moment to pause...wondering...how in the hell did we drop our first bomb on the zoo...who was the idiot flying that plane...and what did he think all those animals in the bomb sight thing-a-ma-jig were...some sorta Nazi experiment gone wrong...(didn't we cover that yesterday???) Didn't I say shut up...but here's where the American reader needs to pay attention to exactly what the tidbit tells us...for we've covered these waste of space whine asses a time or two already...and in recent blog post to I might add...the FIRST bomb dropped by the ALLIES...is the clue that eludes to the truth of the matter...WE...the U.S. of A....weren't members of the ALLIES when the FIRST bomb was dropped...therefore it had to be a British pilot who committed this beautiful display of errant bomb dropping bravado...because it couldn't have been the French...the only thing those wannabe saved by real soldier Samaritans were capable of flying was a white flag...which doesn't require much of a pilot...and doesn't have the dimensional capabilities nor structural strength to carry and deliver bombs...SO...now we've narrowed down the...'who'...part of the equation...but what is the...WHY??? Well the 'why' would involve another toast eating tea breaker...Winston Churchill...who mistakenly ordered this bomb to be dropped...thinking it would end the war rather quickly...saving thousands of lives and giving Great Britain an enormous amount of face on the international scene...thank god that plan failed...can you imagine where we would be with those stodgy old bastards playing World Police... ... ... ... ... ...WOW...that was scary...okay I'm back...(I know some of you are anxious to know what would cause Winston Churchill to concoct such an ill conceived war plan...and can't wait to get back to work and into the weekend...so I'll try and keep this short)...British Intelligence of the period was much like American Intelligence during the Double Dubya Era...(completely ignorant of any useful information...and yet...quite capable of passing erroneous information all the way up the Chain of Command)...anyway...British loving subversives in the German hierarchy sent message thru back channels to London with this message..."Hitler is an arrogant ass...what can Berlin do?"...by the time it had been passed form enough German mouths to British ears...and carried to the desk of Mr. Winston Churchill it had erroneously been translated to read..."Hitler is an elephants ass...working at the Berlin zoo!"...and that my friends is how I like to think that little piece of history unfolded...I know...completely off the wall and extremely far fetched...worthy of Hollywood consideration is what you're sayin' then...(ya know...it's times like these I like to sing myself a little song...'Isn't-he-love-ly...isn't-he-WON-DER-FUL???)...LMAO...have a GREAT WEEKEND!!!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
03/22/12
Shock treatment therapy for epilepsy was once administered by electric catfish...
Well thank god I wasn't born an electric catfish...those epileptic can be a scary bunch...I couldn't imagine some idiot with a PHD attempting to attach me to one of these happy go lucky wall bangers while they're in the middle of having a fit...I'd probably shit myself stupid...I have an uncle who is affected by epilepsy...and fortunately for both him and I...I've only had to experience an epileptic episode once in my lifetime...and lemme tell you...even if I had had an electric catfish I wouldn't have known where to put it...he was busy bouncin on the floor and foaming at the mouth...while I was running around in circles like some 2 year old familiar with the pee pee dance...I didn't know if he was faking it...dying from it...or had undergone some rapid transformation known as spontaneous demonic possession...keep in mind I was only 8-9 at the time...still young enough to be branded in the Sunday School fires of Catholicism... my religious views have changed since then...however I distinctly remeber thinking to myself at the time...God...I don't know what you have planned for me at this moment...but I'm pretty damn sure I'm NOT gonna meet your expectations...half my body wanted to stay and help...while the other half kept heading for the back door...had I attained the age of puberty I probablky woulda pulled a groin and ended up somewhere between my convulsing uncle and the closed back door of Grandma's house...I was traumatized to say the least...we were visiting on vacation...which meant we were double bunked in my Uncle's room...I don't think I slept a wink the whole rest of the week we were up here...I wasn't sure if it was contagious...and I damn sure didn't wanna wake up in the middle of the night to find myself floppin around the floor like some kinda life sized pinata with an electric catfish attached to his face...ya know I tried to castrate a friend of mine in Hawai'i with an electric eel once...I think that poor bastard developed epilepsy...bouncin around like a fish outta water...course he was on the beach at the time...so I guess that makes sense...ya want me to letcha in on a little known secret??? Extermination of unwanted ethnicities was once carried out in over sized pizza ovens...that f**ked up little scientific experiment didn't work out so well either... several survivors of the Hitler's Krispy Kosher Kids are still among us today...and that's NOT necessarily a bad thing...they helped invent copper wire by initiating a Tug-O-War battle over a penny...It is the scientific community that coined the phrase...'If at first you don't succeed...try...try again'...they needed an escape clause for failed experimental endeavors...like thinking an electric catfish possessed the necessary amperage to have a lasting effect on those affected with epilepsy... and lemme tell ya...they have put that phrase to the test...time and time again...the unhealthy individuals among us guinea pig new medicines...and are often subjected to cruel and unusual treatment when submitted to State run Mental Institutions because they don't seem to fit in with acceptable societal behavior methods...trying to cure epilepsy thru the use of electric catfish is akin to trying to cure diarrhea with the insertion of a Q-Tip in the anal cavity...it ISN'T going to happen...NOT on your best day...me personally...I'd rather have a bottle in front of me...than a frontal labotomy...another tried and true mental remedy...it turned 'vegetables'...into drooling human smoothies...capable of watering pocket plants for hours...ya know...when I see really...really old people...you know the kind I'm talking about...they still have their boarding pass for the Ark saved in the bottom compartment of the jewelry box...I always ask them what their secret to longevity is...you know what the most common answer is??? Stay the hell outta hospitals...those places are designed to control the population rate...more people die from medicinal cures than from the affliction itself...think I'm kidding...they've known for decades that the cure for common cancer resides in the ocean...every known species of shark in existence has been subjected to scientific experiments surrounding cancer...the animals are cancer resistant...they have injected every species with several different forms of cancerous material...and yet the sharks have developed an immunity to a disease that affects more people than fish on an annual basis...now why do ya think they haven't been able to locate the gene that makes this possible within the shark??? Because NONE of those little bastards wrap a towel around their head and hide in the middle of Pakisan for 10 years while our country claimed to be searching for him in order to bring a rapid end to the war in the middle east...because I'll tell ya what...if they had...we woulda sent in Seal Team Six...slaughtered the dman cancer eating beast...and located the appropriate gene within half an hour...disposing of any evidence that there was a BODY...within half an hour...and thos eaffected by cancer would be better overnight...sorry epileptics but the same can't be said for your condition...we apologize for the inconvenience...we'll get back to ya when we find a big enough hammer to control the fit throwing episodes...HAPPY HELMETING!!!
Well thank god I wasn't born an electric catfish...those epileptic can be a scary bunch...I couldn't imagine some idiot with a PHD attempting to attach me to one of these happy go lucky wall bangers while they're in the middle of having a fit...I'd probably shit myself stupid...I have an uncle who is affected by epilepsy...and fortunately for both him and I...I've only had to experience an epileptic episode once in my lifetime...and lemme tell you...even if I had had an electric catfish I wouldn't have known where to put it...he was busy bouncin on the floor and foaming at the mouth...while I was running around in circles like some 2 year old familiar with the pee pee dance...I didn't know if he was faking it...dying from it...or had undergone some rapid transformation known as spontaneous demonic possession...keep in mind I was only 8-9 at the time...still young enough to be branded in the Sunday School fires of Catholicism... my religious views have changed since then...however I distinctly remeber thinking to myself at the time...God...I don't know what you have planned for me at this moment...but I'm pretty damn sure I'm NOT gonna meet your expectations...half my body wanted to stay and help...while the other half kept heading for the back door...had I attained the age of puberty I probablky woulda pulled a groin and ended up somewhere between my convulsing uncle and the closed back door of Grandma's house...I was traumatized to say the least...we were visiting on vacation...which meant we were double bunked in my Uncle's room...I don't think I slept a wink the whole rest of the week we were up here...I wasn't sure if it was contagious...and I damn sure didn't wanna wake up in the middle of the night to find myself floppin around the floor like some kinda life sized pinata with an electric catfish attached to his face...ya know I tried to castrate a friend of mine in Hawai'i with an electric eel once...I think that poor bastard developed epilepsy...bouncin around like a fish outta water...course he was on the beach at the time...so I guess that makes sense...ya want me to letcha in on a little known secret??? Extermination of unwanted ethnicities was once carried out in over sized pizza ovens...that f**ked up little scientific experiment didn't work out so well either... several survivors of the Hitler's Krispy Kosher Kids are still among us today...and that's NOT necessarily a bad thing...they helped invent copper wire by initiating a Tug-O-War battle over a penny...It is the scientific community that coined the phrase...'If at first you don't succeed...try...try again'...they needed an escape clause for failed experimental endeavors...like thinking an electric catfish possessed the necessary amperage to have a lasting effect on those affected with epilepsy... and lemme tell ya...they have put that phrase to the test...time and time again...the unhealthy individuals among us guinea pig new medicines...and are often subjected to cruel and unusual treatment when submitted to State run Mental Institutions because they don't seem to fit in with acceptable societal behavior methods...trying to cure epilepsy thru the use of electric catfish is akin to trying to cure diarrhea with the insertion of a Q-Tip in the anal cavity...it ISN'T going to happen...NOT on your best day...me personally...I'd rather have a bottle in front of me...than a frontal labotomy...another tried and true mental remedy...it turned 'vegetables'...into drooling human smoothies...capable of watering pocket plants for hours...ya know...when I see really...really old people...you know the kind I'm talking about...they still have their boarding pass for the Ark saved in the bottom compartment of the jewelry box...I always ask them what their secret to longevity is...you know what the most common answer is??? Stay the hell outta hospitals...those places are designed to control the population rate...more people die from medicinal cures than from the affliction itself...think I'm kidding...they've known for decades that the cure for common cancer resides in the ocean...every known species of shark in existence has been subjected to scientific experiments surrounding cancer...the animals are cancer resistant...they have injected every species with several different forms of cancerous material...and yet the sharks have developed an immunity to a disease that affects more people than fish on an annual basis...now why do ya think they haven't been able to locate the gene that makes this possible within the shark??? Because NONE of those little bastards wrap a towel around their head and hide in the middle of Pakisan for 10 years while our country claimed to be searching for him in order to bring a rapid end to the war in the middle east...because I'll tell ya what...if they had...we woulda sent in Seal Team Six...slaughtered the dman cancer eating beast...and located the appropriate gene within half an hour...disposing of any evidence that there was a BODY...within half an hour...and thos eaffected by cancer would be better overnight...sorry epileptics but the same can't be said for your condition...we apologize for the inconvenience...we'll get back to ya when we find a big enough hammer to control the fit throwing episodes...HAPPY HELMETING!!!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
03/21/12
Rubber Bands last longer when refrigerated...
That's amazingly...incredibly...stupendously...useless. I can't recall the last time I used a rubber band for anything that didn't involve high school hi jinx. Ya know...as a matter of fact...in this day and age I'm a little upset with the manufacturers of rubber band products...where's the little advice warning on the label...I don't recall ever seeing the words...'Refrigerate after opening'...on any rubber band packages...I feel jilted...what is this world coming too??? NOT that I'm surprised by it's exclusion...this happens quite frequently in the area of merchandise...while shopping at a local supermarket the other day I came across an empty shipping crate that previously contained those nifty little handi-pak pudding packages...the labeling caught my eye...Do NOT store at temperatures above 37 degrees F...and Do NOT freeze...mind you this was in the baking aisle...where the product was distinctively displayed on a shelf...in an atmosphere much warmer than the recommended 37 degrees...so excluding refrigeration procedures from rubber band packages...NOT quite that big a deal...I wonder if this is the same for all rubber related products...do condoms last longer in the cooler...I don't have any idea...but I'm fairly certain that if left in a refrigerated unit up until the moment it becomes necessary...will ultimately result in a significantly deflated dipstick...thereby eliminating the need for a condom altogether...I know for a fact that hockey pucks are always kept in a freezer during NHL games...apparently firing a solid rubber puck at speeds in excess of 100 mph wasn't enough for these stick swinging...blood lusting buncha behemoths...pucks needed to possess the penchant for inflicting damage...supposedly soft rubber pucks bounce and deflect more easily...creating an atmosphere of over confidence among the shot blocking skate soldiers of several teams...if you've NEVER enjoyed the opportunity to play a game of hockey...you have NO idea what you're missing...getting pegged with one of these frozen pucks...provides an immediate indication of the capabilities associated with freezing rubber products...I think keeping condoms in the coldest section of the refrigerator would provide a modicum of similarity with the hockey puck...in that women would reinvent chastity belts...capable of deflecting the advancement of any frozen phallic appendage...I can't imagine what purpose refrigerating a simple rubber band could afford...quite often maintaining rubber related products in an average temperature suitable to human comfort should suffice...personally I'd have NO use for this technology...even if I did use rubber bands on a regular basis...keeping them cold would be of no benefit...because once I employ the product...I NO longer have a use for it...it's NOT as if I'm running to the refrigerator to grab a rubber band...wrapping it around an object in order to maintain control...then removing it and putting it back in the refrigerator...because here's the thing...rubber is a replaceable item...extremely plentiful...and rather easy to come by...therefore there doesn't appear to be a need for frolicking thru the refrigerator to find a hair tie replacement...rubber's natural composition enables it to stretch...bend...and break...regardless of compound characteristics...you can carve a chunk out of a hockey puck with a sharp knife...just as easily as you can stretch a rubber band beyond it's elastic capabilities...resulting in catastrophic failure of the component...if you're keeping rubber bands in the refrigerator you need more help than I am qualified to offer...you're probably moments away from trying to insure your Panda Poo tea container seals in freshness...you need to be hit on the head with a hammer...repeatedly...until you submit to common sense thinking...or pass the hell out...I swear sometimes people just need to think outside the box...rather than waddling around in the collective waste of their cataclysmic conscience...with the advancement of search engine options available on the Internet today...I have NO doubt there are several people who are rushing home at this very moment to refrigerate their rubber band collection... these people are what I like to call amoebic...spineless...thoughtless...puddles of jelly like substance... incapable of caring for themselves...they read and heed what others deposit as solid facts on the web pages they peruse...NEVER taking the opportunity to research information themselves...I'm half tempted to start my own useless facts forum...just so that I can wake up every morning smiling...knowing full well...some ridiculous stooge is at that very moment taking for granted the blurb I posted...adhering to it's very essence without so much as a flicker in the frontal lobe region of their garbage collecting grey matter membrane...in closing I would just like to offer a prayer for those affected with an iota of ignorance...that's right...even tho I'm not a religious fanatic...quite the contrary as a matter of fact...but for the sake of saving a few less than gifted thought processors...Lord, have mercy on the souls of the simple ones...they make me smile!!!
That's amazingly...incredibly...stupendously...useless. I can't recall the last time I used a rubber band for anything that didn't involve high school hi jinx. Ya know...as a matter of fact...in this day and age I'm a little upset with the manufacturers of rubber band products...where's the little advice warning on the label...I don't recall ever seeing the words...'Refrigerate after opening'...on any rubber band packages...I feel jilted...what is this world coming too??? NOT that I'm surprised by it's exclusion...this happens quite frequently in the area of merchandise...while shopping at a local supermarket the other day I came across an empty shipping crate that previously contained those nifty little handi-pak pudding packages...the labeling caught my eye...Do NOT store at temperatures above 37 degrees F...and Do NOT freeze...mind you this was in the baking aisle...where the product was distinctively displayed on a shelf...in an atmosphere much warmer than the recommended 37 degrees...so excluding refrigeration procedures from rubber band packages...NOT quite that big a deal...I wonder if this is the same for all rubber related products...do condoms last longer in the cooler...I don't have any idea...but I'm fairly certain that if left in a refrigerated unit up until the moment it becomes necessary...will ultimately result in a significantly deflated dipstick...thereby eliminating the need for a condom altogether...I know for a fact that hockey pucks are always kept in a freezer during NHL games...apparently firing a solid rubber puck at speeds in excess of 100 mph wasn't enough for these stick swinging...blood lusting buncha behemoths...pucks needed to possess the penchant for inflicting damage...supposedly soft rubber pucks bounce and deflect more easily...creating an atmosphere of over confidence among the shot blocking skate soldiers of several teams...if you've NEVER enjoyed the opportunity to play a game of hockey...you have NO idea what you're missing...getting pegged with one of these frozen pucks...provides an immediate indication of the capabilities associated with freezing rubber products...I think keeping condoms in the coldest section of the refrigerator would provide a modicum of similarity with the hockey puck...in that women would reinvent chastity belts...capable of deflecting the advancement of any frozen phallic appendage...I can't imagine what purpose refrigerating a simple rubber band could afford...quite often maintaining rubber related products in an average temperature suitable to human comfort should suffice...personally I'd have NO use for this technology...even if I did use rubber bands on a regular basis...keeping them cold would be of no benefit...because once I employ the product...I NO longer have a use for it...it's NOT as if I'm running to the refrigerator to grab a rubber band...wrapping it around an object in order to maintain control...then removing it and putting it back in the refrigerator...because here's the thing...rubber is a replaceable item...extremely plentiful...and rather easy to come by...therefore there doesn't appear to be a need for frolicking thru the refrigerator to find a hair tie replacement...rubber's natural composition enables it to stretch...bend...and break...regardless of compound characteristics...you can carve a chunk out of a hockey puck with a sharp knife...just as easily as you can stretch a rubber band beyond it's elastic capabilities...resulting in catastrophic failure of the component...if you're keeping rubber bands in the refrigerator you need more help than I am qualified to offer...you're probably moments away from trying to insure your Panda Poo tea container seals in freshness...you need to be hit on the head with a hammer...repeatedly...until you submit to common sense thinking...or pass the hell out...I swear sometimes people just need to think outside the box...rather than waddling around in the collective waste of their cataclysmic conscience...with the advancement of search engine options available on the Internet today...I have NO doubt there are several people who are rushing home at this very moment to refrigerate their rubber band collection... these people are what I like to call amoebic...spineless...thoughtless...puddles of jelly like substance... incapable of caring for themselves...they read and heed what others deposit as solid facts on the web pages they peruse...NEVER taking the opportunity to research information themselves...I'm half tempted to start my own useless facts forum...just so that I can wake up every morning smiling...knowing full well...some ridiculous stooge is at that very moment taking for granted the blurb I posted...adhering to it's very essence without so much as a flicker in the frontal lobe region of their garbage collecting grey matter membrane...in closing I would just like to offer a prayer for those affected with an iota of ignorance...that's right...even tho I'm not a religious fanatic...quite the contrary as a matter of fact...but for the sake of saving a few less than gifted thought processors...Lord, have mercy on the souls of the simple ones...they make me smile!!!
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