HADTA BE SPARTANS!!!

The State of Michigan once threatened to sue some beavers for $10,000.00 for failing to remove a dam...

...read the TITLE...it wasn't the state of Michigan that did this...it was a bunch of those idiots that graduated over in Lansing...bastard step children of the ONLY true college in this neck of the country UM...they're the only dumbasses I can think of that would even speak to a beaver...the rest of us know what to do with those things...beat them to death with our third lower limb...the rest of us wouldn't ever consider trying to sue a furry little patch of freshly shaved follicles...maybe the bitch that houses the beaver if it's infected...but NEVER the beaver itself...hell most of the guys I know won't even spend more than $50.00 on dinner for their dam building dates...if they can't get the river to flow through the canyon after that...they just give up and move on...$10,000.00 just to try and get a beaver to remove her dam...NOT even if it's platinum plated and trimmed in gold with 4th of July Freedom sparks shooting out of her ass...hell I'm so frivolous and frugal you'd be lucky to get me to splurge for a beer just to take a peek at a beaver...in this day and age of inefficient economics I have other things to waste my non valuable pocket paper on...although I probably shouldn't neglect to mention that anyone that has lived with a beaver bearer for more than a year has already spent a far greater wad of worthless paper on their ongoing project...but we are veering off track here a little bit...the booger about this bit that bugs me the most is why didn't they follow through with the threat??? What in the wide wild world of bi-peninsula plots of pulp is goin' on here???  It's quite simple really...somebody from Ann Arbor happened to be walking by and told those dolts at State that beavers couldn't talk...and while an industrious member of the animal kingdom they were drastically under compensated for their architecture...I am somewhat surprised tho...the majority of MSU graduates I run across have trouble formulating an idea that goes much beyond spitting out...'Paper or Plastic'...when they're bagging my groceries...I know some of you are fans of old Sparty...the skirt wearing mascot of MSU sports programs...who probably doubled as the Valedictorian for his graduating class...but don't look to me for an apology or forgiveness for your transgressions regarding collegiate sports...it is NOT my fault that UM graduates have degrees that earn them in excess of $10,000.00 a year...maybe you shouldn't have wasted your time and money educating yourselves on the proper fast food drive thru window etiquette...'you want fries with that'... buncha hair lipped hunch backed beaver suists...and I know what some of you are thinkin'...this is hypocritical rhetoric considering I constantly and emphatically discourage any and all from absorbing anything offered by a public education facility...and while I hold to that theory even as it applies to 'collage edumacated' maggots...one must choose sides in the battle between state school teams showcased in the Big Ten...and for some their selection stems from family tradition...while for others it is based on nothing more than a preference for a color combination...but how should a transplant...non-native make such a selection...the same way UM graduates/fans and faculty do...by asking yourself one simple question...that being..."When faced with having to tangle with an enormous Grizzly Bear having NOTHING more than the hair on your back and your hands and feet as weapons...which creature is more likely to STAND and do battle with the bear???"  That's right folks...Spartans without spears...swords and shields are but mere tasty mortal morsels for Grizzlies... while the WOLVERINE is a fierce and ferocious adversary that warrants an extremely wide berth...that being said I would avoid dating UM friendly females as their beavers might have sharper teeth...claws and a nasty disposition!!!

PHALANGE FOLLICLE FAILURE!!!

Fingernails grow faster on the hand that you favor...

This is actually fabulous information to be aware of...if you happen to be a one handed obsessive masturbatory machine...in which case you may wanna schedule more manicures for the affected appendage than the one you neglect...and quite honestly...that very tidbit statement makes absolutely NO sense...what happens to the everyday eroding capable equipment we prefer to use... or FAVOR in this idiots information??? It wears down the more we USE it...anyone that has had the tie-rod go out on the right front side of a vehicle can attest to the fact that the right front side tire wears out quicker than all the others until the broken parts are replaced...If you look really hard and close at the shoes on your feet...the one you favor the most has a heavier wear pattern than the one you don't...fingernails...being made of a material called keratin...which is a solid yet easily modified deposit...can be worn down with nothing more than a file...stands to reason then that the fingernails on the ambulatory appendage you prefer to use the most...masturbating or otherwise...would have a slightly shorter length than one that does NOT receive as much attention...I swear...sometimes I wish I could just grab everyone I come across and shake the cattle mentality they have right out of them...damn 'sheeple' is what they are...too damn dumb to use a Coke cap's worth of common sense to flee from the flock and think freely...I blame this on the education system in this country...more recently than previously...outside of learning the intricacies of mathematics...public education systems are assininely inadequate ways to educate your children...it's a National problem of pandemic proportions...think about it...half the shit ya learn in Science class...THEORIES...they live in hypothetical habitats where their ideas make sense...History class...you hear the stories of the victorious forefathers of the human race...losers don't write history books...they become demonized as the Ultimate Evil...do ya think if we woulda lost WWII any of our history books would reflect the remarkable courage and intestinal fortitude of America's fighting men and working women...seriously doubtful...do we glorify the Nazi's or for that matter the Japanese...NO...we painted them out to be PLANETARY PROBLEM CHILDREN...and then shortly after winning the war on both fronts...we secured their top scientists and used their technologies...maybe NOT in the same fashion...but we are getting there...English class...since nunya r havin a problem readin this in piss poor written words...I'm guessin that class is a boring waste of time...PE class...seriously...WTF is that besides a complete and utter waste of finances...your kids don't needa structured play pen to exercise...lookin' at the current OBESITY EPIDEMIC...that seems to explode upon the younger generations of today shortly after leaving Elementary...I'd venture to guess that what your kids need is less technology... and more time spent outside doin chores like you and I did at that age...all these public education programs do is dumb us down...or our children to be more precise...to make them compliant and complacent with the SYSTEM...NOBODY rocks the boat anymore...outta fear mongering perpetuated by our elected political officials...you can't even peacefully assemble anymore without being FORCED by ARMED agents of the local...state or federal government to disburse...especially if the purpose of such a protest is in direct contrast to the status quo..look at the OCCUPY movements...completely peaceful for the most part...a handful of truly unruly and dissatisfied protestors participated and were they the ONLY ONES removed...hell NO...how many of you...or your children have ANY idea what the 16th Amendment of the U.S. Constitution is??? (Great...ya looked it up on Google...thereby exhibiting pure genius[sarcasm dripping off that last sentence like syrup off a stack of pancakes] now do a little more research)...it is the Amendment allowing the IRS...a non-government entity...to impose taxes on ANY & ALL sources of viable income or valuable assets...it was and has NEVER been legally ratified...it was PUSHED through into law illegally..making income tax a completely voluntary process...most of you are probably under the false assumption that the taxes you pay on a pay period basis are being used by the government to establish budgets for their various programs...WRONG...your income taxes...property taxes...gas taxes...ANY & ALL forms of taxation are used to pay off the INTEREST accrued by the loans the U.S. Government takes out from the FEDERAL RESERVE...another non-government entity...that was granted the permission to "create" money for Congress...the ONLY legal and legitimate entity ALLOWED to manufacture money or coin currency...why??? PROFITABILITY...what does it cost to print a $1.00 bill???  Doesn't really matter...it costs the very same amount of money to print a $100.00 bill...why is this important???  Because as a non-government privately owned institution granted the power to make money at will...the FEDERAL RESERVE has the ability to manufacture the money the government needs without backing it with something of value...since it costs them pennies on the paper note to print they stand to make trillions in interest...hmmm...trillions you say...as in like the same bracket as our National Debt...finally starting to sink in a little bit...if not then maybe you are better off biting the nails off your favorite fingers to keep them relatively similar in length to your others...and wait for that cowbell...it'll letcha know when the next mass feeding of the fog headed forgotten is about to take place so you can fight for a spot at the trough!!! BE FOREWARNED...the moron that came up with this tidbit will be at the head of that line... SENIORITY has it's benefits...even among the STUPID!!!

PLANT BIOLOGY BLASPHEMISTS!!!

Vegetarian mammals produce more methane than do carnivorous mammals...

Well hello there Officer Obvious...I'm pretty sure we ran into your illegitimate bastard step-child yesterday...you sun driving son so to speak...that kid couldn't find his ass if he were wearing it as a hat...you on the other hand...seem to have paid attention to in third grade science and learned all about plant matter and its potential for producing methane gas...BRAVO...you have actually made a very supportive statement for BEEF-EATERS all over the world...and given vegetarians...(VEGANS I believe is the politically correct term these days...apparently shortened from the previous VEGETARIAN nomenclature because vegetable eaters are ill equipped to SPELL words with too many consonants and vowels)...a reason to consider quitting their animal protecting meal plans...I've NEVER understood vegans...it's a ridiculous regimen if ever there was one...they prefer to eat plant matter as opposed to animal flesh because they are AGAINST killing living things...HELLO...plants are living things too...they may not have red blood cells coursing through their veins or be ambulatory and able to move from one location to another without the assistance of a helpful human or hurricane...but they are still living objects on this orbiting ball of dust and debris...ya wanna munch on inanimate materials I should think your grocery shopping would be a very quick and easy process...just go stand in checkout empty handed and wait until the MSU graduate at the end of the line asks if you want 'Paper or Plastic'...because outside of dirt, water, air and fire...those are about your only choices of non-living things to shove down your meatless gullet...being a deductive thinker I would hafta believe that all VEGANS are ATHEISTS...(but Kevin...how do you draw such a conclusion without having interviewed any of these elephant dung simulators???)...quite simple really...most...if NOT all organized religions incorporate a tenet or two that stipulates the origin of man...these tenets almost always indicate or suggest that we as humans were created in the image and likeness of a 'god'...if this is true...or something you believe in...then it stands to reason WE were ALL intended to eat meat...as a VEGAN...your desire to neglect the intake of flesh from other animals is in direct contrast to the religion and god(s) you believe in...damn hypocritical heretics anyway...I simple enjoy pointing out the shit NOBODY else takes into account...they're everywhere I look...they pop in and out of my head with very little effort most of the time...WE...as humans living in the modern society of technology are at a serious disadvantage when compared to our predecessors...WE no longer hafta think for ourselves...WE develop a collective conscience and buy into bullshit and blueprints for increasing our own ignorance...the more we advance our intelligence the more we reveal how ignorant we really are...up until today most of you probably thought that VEGANS simply found produce more palatable than carnivorous carcasses...or maybe you believed they were simply shitty hunters...showing up in the forest with gardening shears instead of shotguns... NOW however you can see the bigger picture...these people are in league with legion...but have NO fear...they have very little hope of winning an epic apocalyptic battle to determine which deity will rule the Earth once the world ends...(I know what you're thinking...Holy Crap Kevin...how did you draw that conclusion???)...lack of ass in each individual VEGAN...that's how...do you know how many plants you need to eat to amass the same weight as you would had you eaten meat...TONS...and since they cannot eat TONS of vegetation in a calendar year...let alone a single setting...I feel it safe to assume they will ball up and blow away with one healthy god-fart from the deity wearing the carnivorous crown...ya know why man eats meat???  To maintain our spot at the top of the animal kingdom leader board...if we were herbivores...we would have become one of the hunted instead of the hunters...the planet would be overpopulated with walking masses of meat always looking for the next meal...as a human herbivore race we would NEVER have developed hunting skills or weapons for shooting and slaughtering sustainable masses of tasty meat...we woulda been forced to grow and gather crops...you know those tasty little treats we use as bait for attracting animals...which means that while we were busy growing grains for survival we would also be planting huge fields of attractive bait...bringing those predatory animals we were trying to avoid closer to where the hell we were...so NOT only are VEGANS atheists...they exhibit characteristics that are in direct contrast to the continuation of the human race as a whole...so there ya have it...in a nutshell...VEGANS are...#1) horrible hunters...#2) dumbass devil worshippers...and anti-human race inhabitants of Mother Earth... it is with that in mind that I dedicate each and every day from here to eternity as..."Slap a Salad Shooter Day"...if you see anyone eating off a plate that doesn't have a meat product on it...you have valid religious reasons for rapping them upside the head with a ham steak!!!

INTERSTELLAR INTERSTATES!!!

It would take more than 150 years to drive a car to the sun...

WOW...WOW...WOW...can you tell I am actually star struck and sun stunned by this little morsel of misguided imagination???  If memory serves...and that's a big 'if'' in these days of advanced aging I am currently encountering among the glory days of middle life...I believe most of us remember being educated about that big ass ball of glowing gases at the center of our Solar System sometime around the third grade...we were informed that the sun was a massive and complex environment of intense heat...blazing fires and combustible gases...the temperature of which we couldn't even begin to imagine or hope to replicate here on Earth...we were educated about the concept that ANYTHING and EVERYTHING coming within several thousand miles of the surface of said sun would perish in a flash of fire and be wiped from the memory banks of existence...so how this mental midget came up with this conclusion is beyond my scope of understanding...I fell completely confident in suggesting...or hypothesizing...that it would take NOTHING short of a billion years for the surface of the sun to cool to the point of being able to sustain contact with another object without setting it on fire...a scenario that would directly result in our own demise as light requiring life forms...complicating matter further is the fact that there is no suitable surface for driving said vehicle from here to there...which means that before a car can be driven ANYWHERE...a road hasta be constructed...a complex process that would take construction specialists in modern times at least 150 years or longer to build...and what does that mean???  Well for those without the ability to do second grade mathematics on the fly sans calculating equipment...it means the proposed schedule for such a journey has already been exceeded and therefore irrelevant...what other problems might lie ahead for this interstellar travel agent???  That's right folks...SHOUT OUT the answers if they come to you naturally...FUEL...not only would it be required in order to leave a given location but as any of you who have a vehicle currently can attest...the need for replenishing that fuel as it is depleted is an absolute necessity...so in conjunction with the road that needs to be built...gas stations will also have to be strategically placed along the travel path to accommodate for different mileage calculations encompassing the entire automotive industry with respect to the models each company manufactures...posing yet another delay to the proposed 150 year plan...FOOD for the idiots making the journey would need to be found or placed along the established route...since it obviously cannot be grown in space without oxygen containing structures one would hafta assume that it would be shipped in refrigerated trucks from one location to the other...I won't even mention the fact that NO known food source has a shelf life exceeding 150 years...HOSTESS...makers of nuclear holocaust surviving Twinkies has closed its doors...so after the caravan has passed the one year mile marker cannibalism is going to be the only viable resource for sustenance...procreation will hafta serve as a method for replenishing food sources...and where will rest...relaxation...sleep and entertainment take place??? I am a military brat so I have SLC (static location complex)...I can't stand being in the same damn location for more than a few years...even if I live in the same region I hafta change houses frequently to maintain my sanity...can you imagine being cooped up in a damn car for a single year...let alone 150???  Yeah...me neither...hell we took over 30 days just to travel from California to North Carolina when we got transferred from Hawai'i...NOT because the distance required it...but because NONE of us had the burning desire to be remembered as the second coming of the Donner Pass Party...150 years in a car...DUMBASS...we haven't developed a strategic plan of action for landing a man on Mars for the simple fact it would take a couple year to get there and we have NO concept of what lengthy space travel might include...health concerns...food supply issues...social interaction...mental health concerns...all come into play...150 years to drive a car to the sun...BOLLOCKS...it's taken at least a third of that time...50+ years to develop a damn space agency that isn't laughed at...it'll take another 25-30 years of research before we can even consider sending manned space flights into orbit around distant planets and even then the first few missions are going to be more of an educational experience than part of a plan to colonize a distant planet and make it habitable...and the damn thing is NONE of these legitimate agencies are even halfheartedly considering the use of the common car concept to get us there...here's a little idea...how about we stop trying to reinvent the wheel...and just continue making improvements to REALISTIC concepts on which we have already made modifications to accommodate modern societies...in other words...let's NOT abandon that day job bagging groceries there ya ignorant Galaxy Jumping Juggernaut...I have a strong suspicion you will drive yourself insane long before ever reaching the sun in a sedan!!!

EULOGIES FOR UTES!!!

In Utah, it is illegal to swear in front of a dead person...

...and the purpose for that would be???  Are the deceased in Utah more easily offended???  Or perhaps this law was put in place to assuage the fears of those oh so fabulous members of the Mormon Taber-debacle...here's what I find interesting...but then of course I tend to consider things from a slightly off center point of view...personally I see DEAD people each and every day...do I work at a hospital???  NO.  Do I work at a morgue???  NO.  Am I currently in the armed services of the US and deployed to a distant unnecessary battlefield???  NO...so how do I see DEAD people each and every day...simple really I open my peepers in the morning and look around...we are all DEAD people walking...we each just take our time arriving at Death's door...unless of course somebody has undeniable proof of immortality...resurrection or reincarnation...ANYONE...ANYONE???  Didn't think so...so in essence ANYONE residing in the Salt Lake state is guilty of committing an infraction of the law should they utter syllabic slurs of a swearing nature in the presence of any person...animated or otherwise...I find it similarly interesting the interpretations of the greatest minds on this planet regarding theories about what happens after our life lights are extinguished...or there hypothesis on why ancient civilizations employed various burial rituals...especially since NONE of them were there...NOR are there any remaining members from ancient civilizations available to explain in detail why the people back then did what they did with their dead...I find it hypocritical that the majority of people on this planet have a belief system affiliated with an organized religion in which the tenets of the system involve treating all of GOD's creatures with the same amount of respect...compassion...love and caring...yet we bury deceased humans in ritualistic ceremonies...and discard...or neglect a similar practice for any other form of wildlife or pet...quick show of hands...how many heretics have either flushed a gold fish down the toilet after it goes belly up...or driven by roadkill without giving it a second thought???  Alright...Alright...put your hands down...looks like the North Atlantic after the Titanic sank...everybody reaching for something...the simple fact of the matter is current civilizations within modern day society derived their practices concerning the handling of the unhealthy directly from ancestral belief systems...at some point after we crawled forth from caves...humans endured some sort of experience that led them to believe there was SOMETHING waiting for them after they passed from this PLANE of existence...in almost EVERY scenario involving preparing the dead for burial...individually...(not genocidal)... we see a common theme...pagan religions such as those followed by the early Sumerians... Egyptians..Vikings...modern day theologies... Catholics...Mormons...Towelheads...all display the dead (when possible) wrapped...embalmed...mummified or decked out in their Sunday Best...why???  Because throughout human history...from the moment we were able to understand more than grunts and howls...we have been told there is another PLANE of existence waiting for us after our time here is through...this has been instilled in us since before the birth of organized religion...is there another plane waiting for us...or do we just become prepackaged food for fish bait???  Being a numbers guy...and an outside the average thinker...I'd hafta venture a guess that there are thousands...if not millions of additional planes of existence possible...we have yet to begin to understand ourselves or our place in the universe...current scientific data suggests there are hundreds of planets within our galaxy that are within the habitable zone of a life sustaining star or stars like our own sun...if that is true...and even an 1/8th of those planets do contain some form of intelligent and evolved lifeforms...they would all need their own 'heaven/hell/purgatory' places to advance to once their lights blink out on their little balls of space debris...most of you that read these diatribes of mine have become familiar with my mockery of both scientific and religious beliefs...it's because they do NOT make sense...neither field offers a complete and concise explanation for ANYTHING they postulate...the basic existence of both fields are based on educated GUESSWORK...look how many times throughout history each of these institutions have altered...modified or adjusted their practices...policies...procedures...ways of thinking...to accommodate for the ever changing climate of the current day...we went from being a FLAT world to a ROUND world...from being the center of the Solar System to an orbiting ball of dust around the sun...which was the center of the Solar System...we went from worshiping the sun...moon...cows...birds...other various idols...to worshiping various gods we now believe to be 'MYTHOLOGICAL'...such as Zeus and his crew...or Jupiter and his juggernauts...to half human desert dwelling man beasts and distant star systems associated with Orion's Belt...(in the case of the Egyptians)...to Jesus...Mohammed...Buddha...and over 330 MILLION deities in the Hindu religion... it would therefore be FOLLY of any of us to presume we have ALL of the answers in the current day and age...I know there are several of you that practice devoutly within your churches...some of you are at this moment covering your gaping pie holes to conceal your disbelief of this heresy...possibly even damning me to the depths of hell...(that fear inspired plane of existence where I shall undoubtedly perish by fire and brimstone for NOT buying into the whole god program)...but here's the thing...this is why I CANNOT give ANY religion a fair chance...if they ALL believed in a SINGLE Almighty Entity...there would be SOLID foundation for jumping on the proverbial bandwagon...the fact that there are over 330 MILLION gods just in the Hindu religion alone...gives me serious reason to pause and question WTF is going on...put yourself in YOUR gods place...were you ALL-WISE & POWERFUL...would not EVERYONE under your control bow at your feet in praise and glory or be smitten and wiped from the memory of man???  Gods...for the most part are tyrannical figures that DEMAND respect for FEAR of retribution...I similarly CANNOT buy into the scientific community's explanation for many things...Black Holes...theoretical...Global Warming... utterly and stupifyingly ridiculous...sure man has added greenhouse gases...are they ANYWHERE near being significant enough to raise the temperature of the Earth's surface or deplete the ozone???  NOT if you believe a giant meteor impacted the planet in the distant past directly resulting in the extinction of dinosaurs...if this planet can withstand interstellar impacts from BLAZINGLY hot comets and meteors...keep the ozone intact...and continue to sustain life...I dare say short of thermonuclear annihilation we are leaving a small footprint on Mother Earth's delicate facial features...they tell us that Sirius is a Stellar nursery...a birth place of planets and stars within the galactic arm of the Milky Way...which as you know our solar system is a part of...at the center of this Milky Way Galaxy they theorize sits a massive Black Hole...the absolute anti-thesis to a stellar nursery...one is shitting out stars and planets all over the place...the other gobbles up ANYTHING & EVERYTHING...including LIGHT that is unfortunate enough to breach the event horizon...as we know...life takes FOREVER to evolve...it requires light to flourish...light which travels at the FASTEST known speed in the universe...yet science would have you believe that there are things in space that spit out light producing...life sustaining orbital masses of debris...while simultaneously encompassing massive life and light gobbling unseen entities...and yet...AMAZINGLY...the star charts and maps we have of EVERYTHING we can see with optical enhancing telescopic equipment NEVER changes...ODD to say the least...and yet at the same time extremely revealing...it means NONE of them know WTF they're talking about...so why do we believe what science and religion has to tell us...GULLIBILITY...this tidbit is a prime example of that very fact...this law was passed because at some point a person of religious importance...most likely of the Mormon persuasion...got an ingrown hair in their unwashed ass and decided swearing in front of a dead person was sacrilegious...a damnable sin and abomination...which should NOT only be punishable in the afterlife but should be compensated for punitively while the person was still among the animated...why???  Because most of us...myself included...do NOT believe that once we slough off our mortal shell...we cease to exist...we just have different ideas about what happens to us...where we go...what takes place and how best to get from here to there...I could go on and on and on and on pointing out things from science and religion that do NOT make sense if you just STOP and think for yourself...FACTS are a fallacy...they come about through massive subconscious acceptance of a PROPOSED idea derived from previously accepted ideas...ask yourself a few questions...if Jesus could walk on water...how did John baptize him???  If you have a star spitting system and a star sucking system within relative close proximity...all things considered...then why doesn't the night sky change drastically???   How do comets travel at such speeds and along such elongated elliptical courses without crashing into other more stationary objects...it is there a scientific explanation for this anomaly...or is it just interstellar dumb luck...why do some...Shoemaker-Levy fall apart and smash into Jupiter...others bounce around with reckless abandon and NEVER come close enough to cause concern to ANYTHING else out there???  There isn't ONE of us alive that hasn't uttered and undesirable and offensive phrase out loud...under our breath...or in the secrecy of our own thoughts...regarding another individual...so we are all guilty of breaking the law if/when we enter the salty sanctuary of Utah...so if I am going to HELL...I expect to see the rest of you there upon my arrival or shortly thereafter...until that event I encourage you to ENJOY life and have a fantastic weekend!!!

GOODYEAR RUBBER PRODUCTS!!!

Goodyear Rubber Company researched and concluded that shoes wear out faster on the right foot than the left...

...and this is another perfect example of IDIOCY...for a couple of different reasons...#1 being...Goodyear Rubber Company has NOT carved out a niche in the foot apparel industry...some of the products famous manufacturers use in making their footwear may come from Goodyear...but they themselves do not employ foreign children in sweat shops for the specific purpose of crafting footwear for pennies and reaping profit...#2 being...there is absolutely NO useful or pertinent information deduced from this research as it applies to the shoe manufacturing industry...why???  Well...it's really rather simple...SHOES...are sold in PAIRS...regardless of how many FEET the buyer has...the ONLY places on this entire PLANET where you can purchase a single piece of podiatry equipment in the shape of a shoe is at some f**kin Redneck Yard Sale...NOBODY in the history of shoe manufacturing or sales has EVER attempted to provide a SINGLE SHOE SOLUTION...I watch a new show these days called Elementary...modern day Sherlock Holmes...it is an entertaining environment that encourages DEDUCTIVE thinking...an entirely NEW concept in the tire making sector of automotive necessities with regards to wasting money on insignificant research...a BETTER avenue of financial interest might have been developing an interchangeable shoe system...seeing as how these engineering geniuses were capable of manipulating rubber in order to fabricate tires...one would think that with the ROTATING recommendations they offer for PREVENTING tire wear... their interests with respect to FOOTWEAR would revolve around the same concept...especially if premature wear patterns were indeed discovered to affect one foot in a biased nature...this is why people like me are DANGEROUS considerations for public offices...federal, state or business CFO's...that deal directly with the financial infrastructure of the beast...how long do you think employees in the RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENT arena would hold their positions of employment after submitting requests for funding frolicking expeditions through f**ktardom full of IGNORANT and completely ILLOGICAL IDEAS???  That's right...NOT long enough to receive a 7 digit pension fund when they retire...in the world of wasting money...this one is rapidly climbing to the top of the terrible thought process pile...maybe they should have focused their efforts on other rubber products...perhaps a Goodyear Run Flat Prophylactic would be a hot seller...manufactured using the same concept as the tires of a similar name...any punctures or holes in the product would seal themselves and keep the integrity of the intercourse apparatus intact for 50 more strokes...think of the market they could corner with that little device...there are a thousand logical areas they could have dumped R&D dollars without discovering results that ANYONE with common sense could have told you without charging hundreds of thousands of dollars...hell ya don't even need to be a statistician to realize the MAJORITY of humans...(you know...those cave dwelling creatures famous for spending exorbitantly on FOOTWEAR...FEMALES in particular)...are born with a tendency to utilize their RIGHT side appendages more than they are their LEFT...I use my left hand for two things...typing and...(use your imagination and insert other purpose here____________)...hint: does not involve perfecting the art of luring fish...I use my left foot to prevent tipping or tripping of the sub torso TRIPOD system...my right side appendages have a mind of their own and often conduct many of my daily tasks without needing to be instructed mentally...ya know...I'm actually quite pleased that NOT everyone has the ability to SEE things as I do...(outside the normal perception)...these tidbits would be far less interesting if we were all on the same page to begin with!!!

FLORESCENCY OF FROGS!!!

Frogs sometimes eat enough fireflies that they themselves will glow...

hmmm...using this same assinine logic one would assume that people who habitually shove their heads up their asses should come out smelling just as shitty if not shittier than the ideas they found while combing the vast caverns of their caca-chute via la cabeza...what absolutely illegitimate bastard child of boogery came up with this conclusion???  Ya know what makes me call BULL-frog-SHIT on this material...perhaps it would be the fact that frogs...you remember those little creatures from science class we all had to dissect before the invention of the internet and colorful detailed depictions became available of the process...these amphibious creatures are found where???  Generally speaking we find them close to bodies of water...why???  Because as genetic make-up would have it...frogs lay their eggs in moisture rich environments...bodies of water...stagnant or flowing matters not to the toad...and where in general do we tend to find fireflies???  Most of my personally conducted excursions for finding fireflies involved using a glass jar and vented lid for capture and containment...in conjunction with wandering through open fields nowhere near a body of water...I thereby conclude that unless a frog happens to be frolicking across an open expanse of land to get from one pond to another they stand very little chance of enjoying a glowing air borne inset as part of their daily dietary regimen...does that mean fireflies CANNOT be found in environments suitable for hoppity hops habitation...NOT by a long shot...of course you can find fireflies in close proximity to the wet areas where frogs lay in wait for supper...(I know what your thinkin'..."well if that is true, then why else is is NOT possible for frogs to become florescent if they gobble on a bunch of glow flies"...STOP getting ahead of yourself...I'm gettin' there)...frogs are ill equipped for florescency for one simple fact...NON-TRANSPARENCY of flesh...frogs can't glow regardless of what they consume because the contents they ingest are kept cloaked in a non light emitting organ called the stomach...and here's a really simple way to verify the FACTS about frogs and their inability to glow from foods they eat...FROGS have 4 teeth...which oddly enough...have NOTHING to do with eating...but are instead using for gripping during acts of fornication...they therefore do NOT chew their food...but swallow it whole...which is why they prefer small insects...easier to swallow...less throat obstructions...(I know...I know...how does that prove they won't glow from eating fireflies...I'll tell ya...you guys can be pretty impatient at times...RELAX...I'll explain)...you've all seen those neat little glow stick thingamajiggies...ya buy them at the county fair for the kids...what is the first thing you notice about them???  They are contained in a hard plastic body...why???  Because if they crack open they leak and everything they come into contact with will also glow...interesting concept really...when you stop to think about how that might apply to frogs and their firefly eating habits... why you might ask...because the concept is generally the same...while a firefly does NOT have a hard outer plastic shell protecting its glowing parts from spilling all over the place...it does have a solid body that must be punctured with relative force before any of the florescent fluid will spill forth and cause ANYTHING else to glow...FROGS...as we now have come to realize do NOT chew their food...they swallow it whole...after which it goes through the inherent metabolizing effects of a frog's digestive system...a process which takes significantly LONGER to complete than would poking a hole in the ass of a firefly...and here's the end all be all reason a frog CANNOT and will NEVER glow from ingesting an abundance of glowing insects...the glowing part of a firefly happens through bio-luminescence...a process that requires three key components to be present at all times...an enzyme...a substrate...and OXYGEN...and what happens when a frog swallows a firefly for supper...well quite honestly...and obviously...it removes OXYGEN from the equation...thereby permanently extinguishing any and all signs of florescence within the firefly within a mere matter of minutes...I therefore draw my conclusions thusly...in order for a FROG to FLUORESCE from the simple act of feeding on FIREFLIES...they would have to swallow dozens...if NOT hundreds...of these deviant deletable members of the insect kingdom in a single GULP...that being said...I could be mistaken regarding this information as it came to me under the influence of medicinal plant matter... so you may want to consult with someone of lesser intelligence from the local scientific research and study program of an educational facility for programmable thinking...(that would be your high school science teacher)...you know...the idiot that attended just enough college to confuse the students in their classroom without actually being able to deliver ANYTHING of significant value...aside from enticing teenagers to explore and experiment with each other sexually...but that folks is a rant for another day...I hope you are all enjoying your Monday morning as much as I am...seeing as how at the time of this writing it hasn't arrived yet...I will letcha know how mine goes...just in case you are one of those that feel the need to compare your livelihoods with those around you in an apparent attempt to make yourself look better...trust me...it isn't possible...there is only ONE of me...the rest of you must suffer the experience of being less than perfect...and for that I offer my sincerest apologies...I am kidding...unless of course that statement offended you in some way...in which case...suck it up buttercup...you just won a prize...a Do-It-Yourself Makeover kit that comes complete with an empty revolver and one bullet...use it wisely!!!