Dating back to the 1600's, thermometers were filled with Brandy instead of Mercury.
And the reason would be?
Well now that makes perfect sense...dating back to the Cro Magnon/Neandrathal days weather forecasters have been guessing at the weather from inside the cave...honestly I don't get it, that has got to be the biggest waste of time and money to go to school to learn how to predict the weather...voodoo witchcraft classes would be more beneficial. I personally have never attended a single second of a weather predicting class...yet with the simple effort of lifting my gaze to stare out the window I can comfortably enlighten you as to current conditions in my general vicinity...It's partly cloudy (which could be loosely interpreted, or at the very least, taken to also mean and include, partly sunny)...according to the trees itsa bit breezy...now if I want further detail I need not turn on a radio, a TV, or even consult a weather app on my smart phone...no folks all I need do is put forth a bit more effort, rise from my seat, and walk a mere 20 feet, open a door, and Viola'...my own centrally located thermometer kicks in...on a day such as this in Northern Michigan, my thermometer, which is neither filled with Mercury or Brandy, immediately tells me today is brisk, the temperature is indicative of fall, and a sweater may be appropriate if an extended stay in the outdorrs is imminent...'but Kevin how is this possible?' you might ask...its really very simple actually...being a member of the commando crew, as soon as I elect to step out into the open air, the twig and berries temp taker is instantaneous and always spot on...this morning the reading came back...slightly shriveled with a leaner, hence the explanation of fall in the air, had it came back hibernating and tucked away, a winter coat may have been in order with long johns...had it come back with a reading that sounded like I had a mouthful of marbles and hadn't reached puberty yet, one could determine that full blown winter was upon us, and that neither me nor my thermometer were very happy. I believe thermometers of the 1600's were filled with Brandy instead of Mercury because Brandy tasted better, and since most weather predicting inventions didn't work, they may as well serve some function...I know me and my thermometer enjoy a shot of Crown Royal on a cold night...about the only site I've found that was worth a damn at telling the weather can be found by following this link... http://www.thefuckingweather.com/ Accurate...Direct...and to the point...and now for Kevin's 24/7 forecast no matter where in the world you happen to be... it's gonna be mostly cloudy with possible partly sunny conditions...chance of rain, sleet or snow...50/50...Tornadoes, Hurricanes, Cyclones, Typhoons, Earthquakes, Volcanic Ash Spewing Eruptions, Tsunami's and other really bad shit could happen anywhere at anytime, don't panic that's what happens on this rock, if you start running around all willy nilly spouting end of the world shit everytime the skies turn black I'm gonna kick you off this planet...it's night...happens once every 24 hours, grab a pacifier and blankie and stfu the rest of us hafta work tomorrow!!! Weathermen...thats a profession in deseperate need of an on call proctologist...a bunch of dumbasses sittin around in a windowless brick building staring at radar screens to determine whats going on outside that damn building...they're kinda like the colostomy bag of the nightly news...full of useless shit that nobody wants to look at!
No comments:
Post a Comment