In 1996, Christmas caroling was banned at two major malls in Pensacola, FL. The shoppers and merchants complained it was too loud and the carolers took up too much space.
I personally don't find this the least bit shocking...it's Florida...you hafta be 68 just to buy a house in that state...so I'm not surprised that the Octogenarians of Pensacola banded together to shut down a buncha young whippersnappers and make them stop caroling...Can you imagina a mall filled with people over 80...walkers, canes, wheelchairs all over the place...hearing aids...diapers...bibs...and bad attitudes about the inevitable tick tock of lifes clock running out...I suppose I'd be a little pissed too if I were in that condition...unable to walk by myself at a speed greater than reverse...needing part of a gramophone to use as a hearing aid...pudding falling off my toothless chin onto a bib I have grown accustomed to some little paid caretaker strangling me with every morning...do I wanna go for a push around a mall filled with a buncha other old decrepid souls like me? Hell no! Then you're gonna force me to listen to these hoodlums sing Christmas songs out of tune and so loud they make my hearing aid screech...I'll pass...I don't want what could possibly be my last Christmas to be clouded by the image of Santa's Elves with their pants fallin off their asses singing their version of Christmas Carols...My Homies Fight (Oh Holy Night)...Jingle Bells Prison Cells...Joy to the World (Okay this one's title didn't change but now it's bein sung by a group of heathens who look like Flav-o-flav rejects and the lyrics suggest it has to do with pimpin a young lady named Joy)...Costly the Blowman (A nod to the Cuban Cocaine dealer who lives down the block)...I'm Screamin for Some White Bitches (Another pimped out carol) I'm surprised they even allow people under the age of 40 to visit Florida...those people down there are so old they pass dust instead of gas...and hell with all that sunlight and warm weather over 85% of Floridians elect to have their remains sent to a local Tannery prior to being shipped to the nearest Casketarian
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